Today, I am 36 years old!
In years past, my birthday blog posts were either mini-biographies or life lessons I've learned over the years.
This year, I'll just keep my birthday blog post short!
I'm happy to still be living, still be living in a building, still have family, still have friends, still have my health.
About an hour ago, I had my traditional birthday breakfast (fried rice & scrambled eggs) at Kapiolani Coffee Shop with my father.
Now, I'm about to look at the birthday messages on facebook.
Later, I'll be at the Hispanic Festival near Honolulu Hale! It's been years since I last been to a Hispanic Festival.
At night, I'll be clubbing! I maybe "middle-aged" but I haven't lost my passion for the nightclubs! Never too old to celebrate life with music, dancing and more!
That's all I have to say for now!
Saturday, October 15, 2016
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Outgrowing inappropriate humor
Donald Trump has gotten into a lot of controversy over a recorded conversation where he bragged that his fame allowed him to grab women without consent and get away with it.
Much of what he said wasn't meant to be taken literally, but it did give bad memories to people who have been sexually assaulted!
Donald Trump defended his conversations as "locker room humor" and his defenders say "this is how men talk with their buddies".
That was how I talked with my buddies when I was a kid!
Kids tend to try to outdo each other when it comes who can make the most vulgar jokes.
I've done some of that myself!
In my late elementary and early middle school years, my conversations were filled with inappropriate humor that got the other boys laughing, and the teachers irritated!
However, towards the end of my middle school time, I started to notice that my inappropriate sense of humor was alienating people. I was late to "get the memo" that the humor that worked in elementary school didn't work well in middle school.
I mentioned about this in a 2012 blog post
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2012/09/myself-2-decades-ago.html
I forgot to mention in that blog post that even though I made inappropriate jokes that offended others, I acted all hurt & cried when other students did the same to me.
Yes, I was THAT student that people can't stand : can dish it out but can't take it when dished back!
I even remembered one girl telling "I wasn't crying when you and (name redacted) were teasing me, so why you crying?"
She was super-mega correct to tell me that! Or to paraphrase 2pac, that was the "realest stuff I was ever told"
Also, when I got older, I started to learn about other people's situations, the trauma they've been through and started to realize that my inappropriate humor was hurting people.
I didn't change overnight.
Though I was generally better behaved in high school (especially when teachers were around), that inappropriate humor of mine still came out of me at times.
I also laughed when one of the male teachers flirted with the female students, and I made jokes about the situation.
I now realize those teachers were bad role models!
I also noticed a decade later when I wanted to add one of those girls in that class to my facebook friend's list, she didn't respond!
That told me that my jokes might've hurt her in ways I didn't realize!
======
Many times when boys & girls interact, they joke around, they poke each others' sides, and more!
I was "shy" with girls in early adolescence, but in certain situations, I became "less shy", but also More Inappropriate. I did poke a few sides to girls that didn't want to be poked. I also "accidentally" rubbed a few, which I'm extremely embarrassed to admit now!
But even then, there were lines I didn't cross!
I never liked drugs/alcohol, and I NEVER gave drugs/alcohol to anyone!
I was always disgusted with the idea of drugging someone! What's the point, really? I thought the joy of sex was for both sides to enjoy it! Plus, you wouldn't like it if someone did something to you when you're unconscious!
I also always had the good conscience to understand that forcing someone to have sex (rape) is a form of torture, though I had to learn from reading how traumatizing it is for those who have been through it!
I also always thought you should have a condom on if you plan on having sex without the intention of making a child!
At the nightclubs, men & women do rub on each other, even grope each other.
Sometimes, those things are done at the consensual level. But that's ONLY after both sides establish a level of trust & comfort!
For nightclubs, sometimes that level of trust & comfort can be established within minutes. However, a person can change his/her mind and say "that's as far as we will go for now". The other person has to respect that!
+++++++++++++++
Anyways back to inappropriate humor, what really made me distanced from the inappropriate humor that I embraced in the past was becoming a substitute teacher.
Now, I had to be THE Role Model!
From the blog post "One decade of being a substitute teacher"
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2015/05/one-decade-of-being-substitute-teacher.html
Because I've been in a job where I have to be The Role Model, and where I have to enforce standards of good behavior, I now cringe at the same type of inappropriate sense of humor I once enjoyed!
Because I now know that the traumas that many people experience from sexual abuse, dealing with body image issues, or other negative situations, I now cringe at the same type of inappropriate sense of humor I once enjoyed!
Because of that knowledge and experiences, I now cringe when former classmates expect me to have the same sense of humor that I once participated in!
I mean, really? You're in your 30's and you're still acting like that? Have you not learned anything since high school?
It is that, that inspired me to make the "What is an Adult" blog posts and video!
"What is an Adult?" blog posts
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/05/what-is-adult.html
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/09/what-is-adult-part-2.html
"What is an Adult?" YouTube speech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oagx7WXcO-I
It is this type of experiences that make me unsympathetic to Donald Trump & his supporters defending his comments as "locker room humor" and "this is how men talk with their buddies".
Excuse me, "this is how men talk with their buddies?"
No fool, this is how IMMATURE Teenagers talk with their buddies!
This is how over-aged males who haven't matured since high school talk with their buddies!
This is how a person who hasn't had anyone to hold him accountable since high school (ie. Donald Trump) talk with his buddies!
Most of us live in the real world!
I live in a world where that type of behavior will get you fired ASAP!
I live in a world where that type of behavior can get you black-listed from jobs once it's been made public!
I live in a world that in order for me to get my students to follow proper standards of behavior, I have to follow proper standards of behavior!
To Donald Trump and his defenders, I WAS once like you!
But I have since become an adult!
Maybe you should try be one too!
Much of what he said wasn't meant to be taken literally, but it did give bad memories to people who have been sexually assaulted!
Donald Trump defended his conversations as "locker room humor" and his defenders say "this is how men talk with their buddies".
That was how I talked with my buddies when I was a kid!
Kids tend to try to outdo each other when it comes who can make the most vulgar jokes.
I've done some of that myself!
In my late elementary and early middle school years, my conversations were filled with inappropriate humor that got the other boys laughing, and the teachers irritated!
However, towards the end of my middle school time, I started to notice that my inappropriate sense of humor was alienating people. I was late to "get the memo" that the humor that worked in elementary school didn't work well in middle school.
I mentioned about this in a 2012 blog post
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2012/09/myself-2-decades-ago.html
The stuff that my brother warned me about......... was WAY MORE TRUE than I could ever imagine.
For one thing, I started middle school with same crazy sense of humor, saying inappropriate things as I did back in elementary school. WRONG MOVE!
Little did I understand the same humor that worked in elementary school did NOT work in middle school. All it did was earn a few enemies.
I might've gotten away with my earlier silliness if I was one of the tough guys.
I wasn't!
After a while, I just learned to shut up in class, especially if you don't have any friends in that class.
Ironically, that got people who just me asking "why are you so quiet?"
But as the quote goes -- "It's better to be quiet and be thought as a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
I forgot to mention in that blog post that even though I made inappropriate jokes that offended others, I acted all hurt & cried when other students did the same to me.
Yes, I was THAT student that people can't stand : can dish it out but can't take it when dished back!
I even remembered one girl telling "I wasn't crying when you and (name redacted) were teasing me, so why you crying?"
She was super-mega correct to tell me that! Or to paraphrase 2pac, that was the "realest stuff I was ever told"
Also, when I got older, I started to learn about other people's situations, the trauma they've been through and started to realize that my inappropriate humor was hurting people.
I didn't change overnight.
Though I was generally better behaved in high school (especially when teachers were around), that inappropriate humor of mine still came out of me at times.
I also laughed when one of the male teachers flirted with the female students, and I made jokes about the situation.
I now realize those teachers were bad role models!
I also noticed a decade later when I wanted to add one of those girls in that class to my facebook friend's list, she didn't respond!
That told me that my jokes might've hurt her in ways I didn't realize!
======
Many times when boys & girls interact, they joke around, they poke each others' sides, and more!
I was "shy" with girls in early adolescence, but in certain situations, I became "less shy", but also More Inappropriate. I did poke a few sides to girls that didn't want to be poked. I also "accidentally" rubbed a few, which I'm extremely embarrassed to admit now!
But even then, there were lines I didn't cross!
I never liked drugs/alcohol, and I NEVER gave drugs/alcohol to anyone!
I was always disgusted with the idea of drugging someone! What's the point, really? I thought the joy of sex was for both sides to enjoy it! Plus, you wouldn't like it if someone did something to you when you're unconscious!
I also always had the good conscience to understand that forcing someone to have sex (rape) is a form of torture, though I had to learn from reading how traumatizing it is for those who have been through it!
I also always thought you should have a condom on if you plan on having sex without the intention of making a child!
At the nightclubs, men & women do rub on each other, even grope each other.
Sometimes, those things are done at the consensual level. But that's ONLY after both sides establish a level of trust & comfort!
For nightclubs, sometimes that level of trust & comfort can be established within minutes. However, a person can change his/her mind and say "that's as far as we will go for now". The other person has to respect that!
+++++++++++++++
Anyways back to inappropriate humor, what really made me distanced from the inappropriate humor that I embraced in the past was becoming a substitute teacher.
Now, I had to be THE Role Model!
From the blog post "One decade of being a substitute teacher"
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2015/05/one-decade-of-being-substitute-teacher.html
4) Life lessons learned
Being that I started being a substitute teacher a decade ago, that means I was 24 years old back then!
I was only a few years removed from being a high school student. In your early 20's, you haven't fully recovered from adolescence!
But as I have mentioned in previous blogs (ie "What is an Adult?"), when I entered the substitute teaching profession, I had to mature very fast. For example
from "What is an Adult"
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/05/what-is-adult.html
What is an adult?That was the first question that was asked in my substitute teacher training course.
Now that might sound like a stupid question.
But the whole point was that we were NOT to act like the students under our command.
We are no longer one of the kids. We shouldn't even think of trying to "fit in" with the kids.
After all, we are the adults!
from "What is an Adult? Part 2"
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/09/what-is-adult-part-2.html
For me, when I became a substitute teacher, I had to unlearn some bad habits. I had to distance myself from inappropriate jokes that once entertained me. I had to learn other ways to deal with stressful situations other than the "flight or fight" impulses that most of us relied on as teenagers. I had to reduce my use of profanities. I had to be super-careful in dealing with the opposite gender.
from "10 years since getting my Bachelor's Degree"
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2014/12/10-years-since-getting-my-bachelors.html
Whereas I could get away with some edgy humor as an undergraduate, a lot of that went out the window as I became a substitute teacher. I was now supposed to be a role model! To add to the pressure, there isn't much job security as a substitute teacher, so you need to really work on being a great Role Model if you're a substitute teacher.
Because I've been in a job where I have to be The Role Model, and where I have to enforce standards of good behavior, I now cringe at the same type of inappropriate sense of humor I once enjoyed!
Because I now know that the traumas that many people experience from sexual abuse, dealing with body image issues, or other negative situations, I now cringe at the same type of inappropriate sense of humor I once enjoyed!
Because of that knowledge and experiences, I now cringe when former classmates expect me to have the same sense of humor that I once participated in!
I mean, really? You're in your 30's and you're still acting like that? Have you not learned anything since high school?
It is that, that inspired me to make the "What is an Adult" blog posts and video!
"What is an Adult?" blog posts
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/05/what-is-adult.html
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/09/what-is-adult-part-2.html
"What is an Adult?" YouTube speech
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oagx7WXcO-I
It is this type of experiences that make me unsympathetic to Donald Trump & his supporters defending his comments as "locker room humor" and "this is how men talk with their buddies".
Excuse me, "this is how men talk with their buddies?"
No fool, this is how IMMATURE Teenagers talk with their buddies!
This is how over-aged males who haven't matured since high school talk with their buddies!
This is how a person who hasn't had anyone to hold him accountable since high school (ie. Donald Trump) talk with his buddies!
Most of us live in the real world!
I live in a world where that type of behavior will get you fired ASAP!
I live in a world where that type of behavior can get you black-listed from jobs once it's been made public!
I live in a world that in order for me to get my students to follow proper standards of behavior, I have to follow proper standards of behavior!
To Donald Trump and his defenders, I WAS once like you!
But I have since become an adult!
Maybe you should try be one too!
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