last name changes

For those of us on social media, most of us have thoughts we kinda want to share, but afraid it will piss of those on our friend's list!

I'm really open with my thoughts on political & social issues, whether it's mega-divisive issues like gun control, abortion, drug policy,  police abuse, cultural "appropriation" and the like!

But for my thoughts on people changing last names when they marry?   

I hate that tradition, but  many of my facebook friends did just that!  I sure don't want to alienate at least a 1/3 of my friends on something so very personal!

Well, today, I got prompted by an article about a woman who reluctantly took her husband's last name, then went back to her maiden name.

"Why I’m Returning to My Maiden Name" by Em LaFave Olson

https://medium.com/@emlafaveolson/why-i-m-returning-to-my-maiden-name-e89eaf705d93#.n2t63txmp

How utterly dispiriting that we have created a world and naming lineage where a married woman cannot carry on her family’s name and legacy. When a girl is born, we speak, feel and act as if it’s the end of the line. That she is not equal to a man in this way. Perhaps the most ironic part is that it is the woman that physically carries and births a new generation.

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When the time finally arrived to make the decision for my own name, there wasn’t an easy answer. I felt personally conflicted for a while, (as I came to learn, many women do). Ten years after our first conversation about marriage I had grown up a lot and shaped my own identity.

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For the two years after our wedding day, the examples piled up. The awkward transitioning of social handles and my public identity, not being able to recognize high school friends social profiles after they’d changed their names, 

and this

After two years with my new last name, LaFave, I knew for sure it was time to turn back. I shared this with Rob, and he was understandably hurt.

But I asked him to see it from my perspective, would you ever change your name to my name? “No”, he said. “I wouldn’t”.

So together we came up with an option we hadn’t considered the first time around (inspired by our friends Ted & Fiona). A name that celebrated our individuality but also showed our shared commitment to this new family we had created by joining together in partnership. We’ll each keep our last name and take the other’s name as our middle name. 

( I do know one high school classmate who took that route, with her AND her husband combining last names)

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Here is my facebook post sharing how I related to that article

I could relate to this in some way, since I got my mom's last name! At the time of my birth, my parent's weren't officially married! After I became an adult, my parent's got officially married and my mom took my dad's last name! My reaction was "WTF you changing your name now?" I was mad my mom didn't keep her last name, but she insisted that I respect her choice!

I dont mean to offend those of you who chose to change your last name when you got married! I hope it don't piss you off to the point you expell me from your fb friends list! I'm just expressing how an article related to my life, that's all!

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Yes, I wasn't happy when my mom changed her last name! That announcement took me by surprise after they came back from a Las Vegas vacation (yeah, I know, the cliches) and said "hey, we finally married" and "mom's has dad's last name now"

This traumatized BIG TIME because for all my childhood and adolesence, I thought it was cool that my mom kept her last name! While my mother wasn't a feminist activist (or any type of activist) I just thought, hey, we're a modernized family! 

Little did I know that the only reason they didn't get officially get married (or changed last names) before I turned 18 was for .................single parent benefits! 

Yeah, I know, benefits! 

And after I told my mother my reactions to all this, she said that at the time, she didn't understood how all this would've influenced her children! 

Little did she know that by waiting until I graduated from high school before she officially married my dad was going to influence my thoughts on marriage and last names!

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But yeah, I do list her now official  name (with my dad's last name) on forms for "emergency contacts" as well as any letters I sent to her via mail!

It's her name, not mines. I just have to live with that fact!

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But as for me, I DO NOT want future wife to take my last name! I want her to keep her last name! I want her to keep her own identity! 

Because as far as I'm concerned, taking a spouse's last name is saying "I'm his property".  Well, I don't view adults as my property! Adults should keep their own identity, even if they get married!

By the way, most marriages don't last. The politically incorrect reality is that people change, relationships change, and people going their separate ways isn't some type of "liberal evil" but just reality!

So yeah, even if you find someone you love so much that you want to spend the rest of your life together ................

• don't be other people's property
• keep your own identity
• be your own person
• stay your own person
• keep your own name

If he/she loves you, then he/she will accept that!

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PS: Again, I dont mean to traumatize those who chose to take their husband's last name, Do you what you want!  I'm just stating my reasons for my thought!

PS #2: After posting my facebook post, a classmate from a Southeast Asian country stated 

" I got my own name, no affiliation with either my mom or dad. That's the culture for most back home :)" 

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Oscars, Hollywood, Chris Rock and diversity

Last month, we had the Oscar's Awards, a show that celebrates "the best in motion pictures." But much controversy came when all the nominees in the actors/actresses categories were of European ancestry!

Chris Rock was already scheduled to be the host before the nominees were announced.  So it was expected that Chris Rock would make fun of the whole "#OscarSoWhite" at the Oscars!

Chris Rock did validate the concerns that African-American actors get overlooked for awards & opportunities, but then mentioned that out of 80+ Oscar Award ceremonies, about 70 also had an "all-white" slate of actor/actress nominees, though for much of the time

Transcript of Chris Rock's 2016 Oscar monologue

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/29/movies/chris-rock-monologue.html?smtyp=cur&_r=0

It’s the 88th Academy Awards. It’s the 88th Academy Awards, which means this whole no black nominees thing has happened at least 71 other times. O.K.?

You gotta figure that it happened in the 50s, in the 60s — you know, in the 60s, one of those years Sidney didn’t put out a movie. I’m sure there were no black nominees some of those years. Say ‘62 or ‘63, and black people did not protest.

Why? Because we had real things to protest at the time, you know? We had real things to protest; you know, we’re too busy being raped and lynched to care about who won best cinematographer.

You know, when your grandmother’s swinging from a tree, it’s really hard to care about best documentary foreign short.

 But with much of the talk has been surrounded by the lack of diversity in Hollywood, Chris Rock only focused on  "black-white relations".

Oh, he did mentioned Asians, in a controversial  on-stage skit involving 3 Asian-American children.

http://www.upworthy.com/the-nasty-asian-jokes-at-the-oscars-highlighted-hollywoods-other-big-race-problem?c=ufb1

A couple of jokes, however, came at the expense of a group just as frequently ignored and stereotyped by Hollywood: Asian-Americans.

In one bit, Rock brought out three kids to represent "PriceWaterhouseCoopers accountants," a joke which appeared to trade on the stereotype that Asian and Asian-American kids are good at math.

"It's OK, it's OK, thanks guys, thanks a lot. If anybody is upset about that joke just tweet about it on your phone, that was also made by these guys," Rock said, apparently, jokingly, referring to the charge that iPhones are often made under poor labor conditions at the FoxCon factory in Shanghai. 

While that joke is nowhere near as brutal as other jokes about those of Asian ancestry, it did trigger some sensitivities among Asian-Americans, who felt stigmatized and ignored by the larger society.

some articles on the issue
"Asian-American jab at Oscars reveals deeper diversity woes"
http://www.staradvertiser.com/breaking-news/asian-american-jab-at-oscars-reveals-deeper-diversity-woes/

"Beyond Black and White: How the 2016 Oscars’ Treatment of Asians Undercut Its Message of Inclusion"

http://www.slashfilm.com/2016-oscars-asian/








But what about Latinos! Chris Rock totally missed an opportunity, as I noted in the following facebook post!

Many were focused on Chris Rock's joke on Asians, but very few actually question his comedy bit where he questioned African-American movie goers in "Compton". There is no movie theater in Compton ( a fact publicized when "Straight Outta Compton" hit the theaters). Actually, that theater was in Crenshaw-Baldwin Hills (ie border between "the hood" and "the burbs").

Also, if that interview actually took place in Compton, then you would've seen a lot more Latinos in the background, since Compton now has more Latinos than African-Americans. Crenshaw is still mostly African-American, which was another reason why that clip was filmed there instead of Compton!

So much for Chris Rock & celebrating diversity

The reason I mentioned this include


1) many people are under the mistaken impression that just Compton is still an "African-American majority" community, when it is now mostly Latinos! Yes, some African-Americans still live there, but they're not the majority there any more!


2) Chris Rock was fooling people not familiar with South Central Los Angeles and that there is a difference between Compton, Watts, Inglewood and Crenshaw!

3)  If Chris Rock really did the comedy skit in Compton, this could've been an opportunity to do some outreach with the Latino community! It would've been a great way to show both African-American and Latino voices in a comedy skit! Compton also has some Polynesians and other ethnicities in the mix and they could've been added to the skit!

4) again, Chris Rock is perpetuating the old image of the USA as just being "black & white" while ignoring other non-white minorities!




as for that so-called "Compton" theater that is actually in Crenshaw-Baldwin Hills area, you can learn more from the following article

"Where was Oscar host Chris Rock's 'Compton' movie theater? Not in Compton"
http://www.orlandosentinel.com/la-et-ct-oscars-2016-chris-rock-compton-movie-theater-20160229-story.html

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Enough of Chris Rock (for now), I want to share another post about Hollywood & diversity!


The post was in response to a New York Times article the difficulties non-white actors/actresses go through in in auditioning for roles


"Don't Call Me the Black 'Seth Rogan' "
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/28/opinion/sunday/dont-call-me-the-black-seth-rogen.html



And here's my  facebook post

There has been stories of non-white actors going through what they fell are auditioning for degrading roles! I understand the frustration, but really, if you're auditioning for a role in someone else's story, then you're just there to tell someone else's story! 

Better to go independent and make your own films and tell your own story!

Easier said than done, but it has been done!