Few more thoughts
1) Your former classmates are adults, talk to them like adults
It's always a challenge to transition from adolescence to adulthood.
Some of us want to re-live the times of our younger days. (or in some cases, the exact opposite)
But many of us have grown up into positions of real responsibility. Many of us have kids to take care of. Many of us have jobs which require leadership responsibility.
Many of us have gained life experience in our adult lives that forced us to have a much more mature perspective. Some of it is through trial and error. Some of it is because we now have to be role models. For some of us, it's joining (or re-joining) a religious faith.
Because of these experiences, many of us are no longer interested in making the same inappropriate jokes that entertained us when we were kids or teens. Also, many of us have learned to become confident adults and are no longer interested in acting like the angst-ridden teenagers we once were.
It doesn't mean we can't have fun. It doesn't mean we no longer have insecurities. It does mean we have to manage our fun and our insecurity in a more mature manner.
For me, when I became a substitute teacher, I had to unlearn some bad habits. I had to distance myself from inappropriate jokes that once entertained me. I had to learn other ways to deal with stressful situations other than the "flight or fight" impulses that most of us relied on as teenagers. I had to reduce my use of profanities. I had to be super-careful in dealing with the opposite gender.
After having to go through those experiences, it is annoying when I meet a former classmate who expected me to have the same mentality that I did when I was a teenager.
I am in my 30's now.
So I remind those who are my age this ---- when you meet your former classmates , remember this ---- the person you are talking to is no longer a child, no longer a teenager!
The person you are talking to is probably no longer interested in the same inappropriate jokes you once enjoyed together.
The person you are talking to is probably no longer interested in re-exploring his/her insecurities,traumas or other dramas of their younger years.
The person you are talking to probably has a different opinion than what he/she once shared with you.
The person you are talking to probably has new interests that you don't know about yet.
The person you are talking to probably wasn't who you thought he/she was and is now finally more honest about who he/she is.
This may be common sense to those who have been on Facebook for a few years already. But it is not obvious to everyone.
In other words, proceed with caution because you and the former classmate would need to reintroduce yourselves to each other.
2) You can still have fun
Being an adult doesn't mean you have to give up fun. You just have to manage it better.
For example, I remember when I was a substitute teacher in preschool classes. Once the toys are out, I play with some of them. Being an adult shouldn't stop from enjoying toys.
But once the kids start fighting or getting hurt, it's time to be more serious.
In other words, you better be able to switch from fun to serious in less than a second! This is considered common sense in the education industry.
You don't have to be a teacher to still enjoy childhood/adolescent activities. You don't have to give up playing with toys, watching cartoons, dancing to music, doing artwork or playing games.
But jokes are another thing altogether. When we were young, many of us enjoyed jokes that are inappropriate. Those jokes might be sexually graphic, racist, sexist, homophobic or just plain insensitive to people who are suffering! If you're an adult still making those jokes, you are a truly sad and pathetic person who needs to start acting like a real adult already!
It doesn't mean you stop having a sense of humor, it means you have to develop an appropriate sense of humor!
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3) Problem Discussion
We all have problems in our life and we don't want to hold it all in forever.
So sometimes it's OK to discuss your problems
But as an adult, you shouldn't be sounding like an angst ridden-teenager! Talk about them like a mature confident adult!
And more importantly, you shouldn't be talking about your problems all the time. If you do, you end up becoming an energy vampire.
From Oprah's website
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/Protect-Yourself-from-Energy-Vampires
Some people bring unexpected lightness and comfort to your life. They crackle with energy, practically electrify you with their presence. And then there are those who leave you feeling stressed out. Or guilty. Or exhausted down to your very last molecule. I call them energy vampires, and obnoxious or meek, they come in all forms. The sob sister, for one, always considers herself the victim. The world is always against her, and she'll recount every horrible thing that has happened to her, wallowing in every perceived slight.
If that sounds like you, you need to stop!
That doesn't mean you have to act happy every single minute.
It's one thing to have a breakdown if your loved one died, if you just escaped a collapsed building, you just been assaulted, or just escaped a genocidal massacre.
But you can't turn into a big ball of insecurity just because somebody gave you a stink-eye.
People need to learn to deal with minor annoyances like mature confident adults. Instead of having stupid long conversations about "i'm hurt, i'm a victim", talk about how you "won the battle" OR how you'll handle (or prevent) those annoyances the next time it happens.
Look, I work in the educational industry. Everyone there has "war stories" of students saying mean-spirited stuff to them. Many of us had "war stories" of losing control and struggling to re-gain control of the students. But you're expected to handle and discuss those things like mature confident adults. If you react to those things like angst ridden teenagers and discuss those things like energy vampires, you are hurting yourself and everyone around you
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I also think it's severely wrong to discuss personal problems at big festive events
I used to write songs (before I started writing blog posts) and one rhyme that I made that still stood out my mind goes like thiseverybody goes through **** sometime
but they put it on the side come big event time
That was in reaction to some guy who wanted to waste my time at a major school event talking about his personal problems with other students.
What was supposed to be fun events turned into a whining session from some energy vampire who drained my energy instead of just focusing on the party and just enjoy the festivities!
A similar thing happened at a nightclub when some guy was complaining about a bartender talking to him in an unpleasant voice (duh, it's hard to talk in a sweet voice when the music is being played at high volume) and a bouncer didn't let him into a VIP room (duh, it's a VIP room).
Even worse, it was New Year's Eve! It was less than an hour before midnight, yet this energy vampire just wanted to stay outside and sulk in his self-pity instead of acting like a mature confident adult and just go into another nightclub and enjoy the new year.
What was supposed to be fun events turned into a whining session from some energy vampire who drained my energy instead of just focusing on the party and just enjoy the festivities!
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Another way to be an Energy Vampire is to constantly ask people about their personal problems and whine "don't be ashamed to tell me" whenever people refuse to tell you everything.
In the past, an Energy Vampire kept asking me questions about my past problems, even though I already answered those questions before.
Energy Vampires can claim all they want about how they want to learn about you. But notice that they rarely ask you about good memories from your past.
You see, Energy Vampires want you to wallow in misery! They want you to join them as acting like angst-ridden teenagers! They're not interested in learning about your fun memories because they're not interesting in re-living the good times.
Those types of conversations will literally drain your emotional energy and can really leave you emotionally exhausted. It will cause your mind to wallow in insecurity when you should be working towards becoming a mature confident adult!
If you feel like you're being described as an Energy Vampire, please change your ways! You are acting like an angst-ridden teenager. Start controlling your insecurities. Start working towards becoming a mature, confident adult already!
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If you really feel like you have express your emotions and can't hold it in anymore --- do what I do - get a blog!
You don't have to pay anything. You don't even need your own computer, you can just use one at a public library.
You can express your emotions out. You can choose not to have your real name on it if you don't want to!
But yeah, write your emotions on your blog. That way, come Big Event Time, you can just move forward and enjoy the festivities.
4) Alcohol : It may legal for me now, but I still won't drink it!
And even though I'm legally allowed to drink alcoholic beverages, I don't consider drinking them a "sign of adulthood".
While some people can manage their alcohol intake, others can't. I'd rather not take the risk!
Real adults don't use peer pressure to get people to drink alcohol!
In fact, real adults RESIST peer pressure, especially when it comes to alcohol!
I have never drank an alcoholic beverage. Real adults know how to enjoy a party or any other event without alcohol!
I mean, when we were kids, we knew how to have fun without getting drunk, right? Let's re-discover alcohol free fun! You'll never regret it!
