We have catchy songs like "2 Legit 2 Quit" by Hammer
[personal note: that just happens to be the 1st audio-cassette I bought, back in 5th grade!]
And sometimes, we have moments of doubt, but we keep going, And we are glad that we kept going!
But sometimes, quitting is the best option.
In fact, in many cases, Quitting is UNDER-rated!
I got that phrase from Lenore Skenazy who has written blogs and books criticizing hyper-active parents who over-worry about stuff.
And here are some excerpts from a recent article "Quitters Do Win Sometimes" in which Lenore Skenazy promotes the virtues of quitting!
https://www.care.com/child-care-quitters-do-win-sometimes-p1017-q20633254.html
What is your personal philosophy on quitting?
I think quitting is underrated. While "quitters never win," neither do kids forced to participate in activities they have very little interest in. Give them some space - and time - and they will probably find something they love and don't want to quit.
Read that paragraph again anti-quitters! Read it again and again! And again and again!
But there's more
Have you ever felt that your kids are doing too much? How do you determine how many and which activities your kids are enrolled in?
I have felt they are doing too much and, at other times, too little. Once I started researching child development for my book, also called Free-Range Kids, I came to realize the value of free time and free play. So I let them drop their music lessons (scandal!) and have some free time between school and homework.
Growing up, how did your parents handle quitting an activity/sport/class?
They let me quit both Sunday school AND piano. And as an adult I went on to write a musical (well, the lyrics). And I went to live in Israel for a year. So either I got something out of those lessons before I quit, or I got something out of them BECAUSE I got to quit before I ended up hating everything they stood for. I actually don't know!
Yep, you do get something positive out of quitting. You learn to not put up with crap! You learn to leave negative situations.
It reminds me of something I read a decade ago, about a domestic violence survivor who spent YEARS in an abusive relationship. The reason? She said she grew up hearing the "you shouldn't quit" message! She applied that message even to abusive relationships! Guess what? She ended up realizing that sometimes, quitting is the best thing you could do!
So yes, quitting soccer practice (or violin lessons, or whatevers) when you no longer have the passion for soccer, is GREAT PRACTICE for quitting negative relationships.
More from that interview
Have your children expressed a desire to quit an activity or sport before? What was your response?
Yes - see above. One quit guitar, one quit piano and they both quit the namby-pamby soccer and Little League teams we had enrolled them in as grade schoolers. Today, one still dislikes sports and one now lives for them!
At what point have you or do you feel it's ok to let your kids quit? Explain.
If they really have no interest, I don't understand why it wouldn't be ok for them to quit a non-essential activity. I would've detested my childhood if I had to keep taking the skating lessons I was bad at. Instead, I spent a lot of time reading and writing. Kids find their own level. We have to believe in them and that they're going to be okay.
There are some who believe that not letting your child quit an activity is a learning experience in and of itself. Do you agree or disagree with this? Why?
I hate to make blanket statements about how anybody raises his or her kids. All I can say is that the belief that we can CREATE a certain kind of kid by pushing them or not pushing them is a strange one. One of the chapters in my book is, "Relax! Not Every Little Thing You Do Has That Much Impact on Your Child's Development." It's a false feeling of control to think, "If I Do X, my child will turn out exactly the way I want." OR, "If I DON'T do X, my child is ruined forever."
What tips can you give parents of children who are expressing a desire to quit?
Don't worry that this is the make-or-break decision that will determine who they are, what they like, and what they will become.
What lessons, if any, have your family learned from quitting (or not quitting)?
Not every activity is for every kid, and that's ok. Also: sometimes an activity that seems uninteresting at one point becomes extremely interesting later on (and vice versa). And decisions aren't forever. My son who quit kiddie soccer now plays it with his middle school friends after school. Unless your child is going pro (VERY UNLIKELY!) there is always time to get back in and enjoy.
Thank you Lenore Skenazy.
These are true words of wisdom.
Meanwhile, last year, I wrote a series of blog posts criticizing Amy Chua, who has the opposite mentality.
She not only believes in "don't quit", she forces music lessons on her kids and proudly admits to verbally abusing her kids for making minor errors, as if playing music instruments is an "essential life skill". IT IS NOT!
Here are my blog posts.
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/03/stuff-amy-chua-doesnt-want-you-to-know.html
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-amy-chua-is-dangerous-to-asian.html
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-us-latinos-need-their-own-version.html (this one I criticize the Latino versions of Amy Chua, and to deflect race card abusers who think criticism of Amy Chua is "anti-Asian racism"
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/more-stuff-amy-chua-doesnt-want-you-to.html
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/criticisms-of-amy-chua-continues-its.html
These are aggressive criticisms of Amy Chua, her mentality and her fans!
Unfortunately, most media pundits are politically correct COWARDS who are too scared of the "race card" to give Amy Chua a dose of real, aggressive and factual criticisms.
It's time to spread the message against abusive, fanatical parents like Amy Chua!
It's time to spread the message against abusive, fanatical parents who verbally abuse their kids who make mistakes in sports games.
It's time to spread the message against abusive, fanatical parents who have unrealistic expectations for their kids!
Kids need to learn to be independent thinkers. You can't get one with an Amy Chua style of parenting.
Abusive spouses don't want independent thinkers. Pimps don't want independent thinkers. Absuive bosses don't want independent thinkers. Religious fanatics don't want independent thinkers. Dictators don't want independent thinkers!
It's time to stop providing those punks an easy supply of overly-compliant victims.
Be more like Lenore Skenazy and less like Amy Chua!
