http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-paranoia-over-adultery.html
It was about PARANOID spouses who don't want their spouse to have conversations with anyone else of the opposite gender. Ultra-conservatives think that paranoia helps a relationship. I think that paranoia POISONS a relationship.
Even after I advertised that blog post to my facebook list, a conservative member of that list (who will go un-named, since names aren't an important part of this discussion anyways), wrote the following
In other words...just don't blindly go into a situation, thinking that "I have this under control, my intention is not to cheat on my wife/girlfriend etc." Really think about it! Really fight to guard your marriage even though you have "great intentions" - you and I both know, intentions aren't enough. So many people cheat nowadays and they never "intended to" why? It's not the "big" things but "little" things, that harmless little conversation that didn't look like meant anything, but inside caused you to be more intimate with someone...not all conversation/situation is like that, but you just gotta use wisdom and watch yourself! :)
I responded with
and even if they did hold hands for a few seconds........... that doesn't even mean that would be some earth-shattering long-term affair. It's a manini thing that shouldn't turn into a major deal ........unless you make it out to be!
she responded with
Well, that's where we differ! To me, an innocent "holding of hands" - isn't really innocent! You might as well have an innocent kiss to go with that, or even an innocent coddling...then you innocently get into bed and that's where the whole issue begins!
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Those situations of "minor interactions leading to an affair" has more to do with rap video fantasies and ultra-conservative fear-mongering than real life!
Let's look at something even more "physical" than hand-holding. Let's look at "freak dancing" at the clubs.
Anyone with experience at the nightclubs can tell you that the ...............
OVER-WHELMING MAJORITY of those "freak dances" are just "one-song stands" ...................
meaning .....................................................
boy meets girl ...........................
they dance REALLY, REALLY CLOSE ...............................
by the time the song is over (or even before that) ............
THAT'S IT! ......................
Boy and girl move on, most likely never to see each other again.
OVER-WHELMING MAJORITY of those "freak dances" are just "one-song stands" ...................
meaning .....................................................
boy meets girl ...........................
they dance REALLY, REALLY CLOSE ...............................
by the time the song is over (or even before that) ............
THAT'S IT! ......................
Boy and girl move on, most likely never to see each other again.
After all, most people with nightclub experience will tell you that most people enter AND leave the club with the same group of friends, even if they did dance with strangers while inside.
After all, a dance is usually just a dance, that's it.
This stuff about "freak dancing would automatically lead to sexual intercourse" is just the fantasy promoted by rap videos and frat boy movies!
But those entertainment FANTASIES fuel ultra-conservative fear-mongering about extremely minor situations!
This fear-mongering leads to excessively possessive and controlling behavior by spouses (or soon to be spouses).
Those controlling spouses are DANGEROUS! They are poison to any relationship! They are poison to your life!
So yes, I encourage you all to continue to have conversations with those of the opposite gender! Continue to engage in minor flirting behavior with the opposite gender! Continue to laugh while talking with someone of the opposite gender. Even have a "one-song stand" (or two-songs) on the dance floor!
And if your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever still have a problem with that, well, they need to get some serious psychological help!
Life is too short! Enjoy life and say HELL NO to the insecure control freaks around you!
