A lot of people talk as if they're so tough and so vigilant that nobody can hurt them! There's always sometime tougher than you, someone that can overpower you (even if takes sneaking a drug in your drink to do so). You can claim to be eternally vigilant all you want, you can preach precautions all you want, but EVERYONE eventually lets their guard down, and someone will strike at that moment, causing you eternal pain magnified because you are shocked that your tough/vigilant image couldn't protect you at all times!
Facts are that YOU can be messed with, and YOU can be violated!
YOU are more vulnerable than you're willing to admit to anyone! That doesn't make you less of a person, in fact, that makes you like every other person!
Recently, there's been a social media campaign against sexual assault, with the hashtag #MeToo, to let people know that sexual assault has affected real people that they know, not just some hypothetical unknown person in a news report!
While much of the activism surrounding the fight against sexual assault has come from left-leaning feminists, the issue has affected people of all political leanings (conservative, libertarians, you name it).
One conservative woman thought that her tough-girl, street-smart image was going to prevent her from being raped. She learned the hard way that nobody is "too tough" or "too street smart" to get victimized in a really traumatic way!
Amy Swearer, “I’m a Conservative Who Was Roofied by a Stranger. Here’s What I Think of the ‘Me Too’ Hashtag.,” The Daily Signal, October 20, 2017
http://dailysignal.com/2017/10/20/im-a-conservative-who-was-roofied-by-a-stranger-heres-what-i-think-of-me-too-hashtag/
When someone confides in you that they were roofied, assaulted, molested, raped, or harassed, they have rendered themselves the most vulnerable they will likely ever be to you. Do not presume to sit in judgment of a person’s reaction to a horror you can never understand until you have lived it. And no, I promise you, you do not understand. I did not understand, either.
I have sat in quiet judgment of so many women who did not respond to victimization in the precise way I imagined “angry, no-holds-barred, take-names-but-not-prisoners” Amy would respond. I have sworn to anyone who would listen that many victims are partially to blame, that my handguns and I could take care of myself, and that I would always be vigilant enough and smart enough and prepared enough.
And then there I was, waking up on a gurney at 4 in the morning. In an emergency room. By myself. Surrounded by strangers, asked the most intimate of questions by people who did not know my name five minutes ago, still hazy from a drug-induced stupor, bruised and hurting and afraid and wanting desperately to disappear into a hole until it all went away … and I promise you, you do not understand.
You don’t understand the sickening internal debate over whether and how and when and to what extent you should tell your parents. You don’t understand the utter humiliation of being unable to recall any interactions you’ve had in the past 12 hours. You don’t know how incredibly small you feel when your first real memory is of a doctor you’ve never seen before accusing you of smoking crystal meth because your ADD medication showed up as amphetamine on a toxicology screen, and you can barely find words to ask where you are, much less to explain you’ve never done drugs.
And the flood of questions. You cannot comprehend the flood of questions. What if the detective thinks I was just drunk? What if I WAS just drunk? What if the urine analysis can’t detect any substances because the four IVs and 13 hours of delay diluted the sample? Will anyone believe me then, if there’s no proof? What if there are pictures or video I don’t remember? Do I even want to see any evidence that could point to a suspect? Would I rather just never know if it protects me from knowing something awful? How I am going to pay these medical bills? Why can’t I move my wrist? Where is my wallet? Has anyone fed my cats? Was I raped? What if I’m pregnant? How I am going to get home?
You. Don’t. Understand.
You can’t.
It’s not your fault. Honestly, I envy your lack of understanding, and hope you never, ever have to understand. But until then, stop demeaning the actions of those who do. The #MeToo hashtag may be a cop out for some, but others—myself included—it is a way to tell other women they are not alone. It is a way to process our own stories and salve our very real pain. It is a way to reclaim the voices we lost.
Some men might read this and think "I'm a man, nobody going to rape me" and "I'm not going to jail, so I don't have to worry about getting raped".
But if the same man talks and acts so tough that he gets into a fight, where will he end up? In jail!
And even men who claim to be vigilant could be hanging out with new friends (could be new co-workers, could be a "friend of a friend"), which places anyone in a vulnerable position. Who knows, that "new friend" might be on drugs, might be the next target for a police raid, might have other enemies you may not know about! That "new friends" might even have "feeling for you" and can roofie you too! Your toughness will not save you when you are caught off guard in those situations!
Even someone like Terry Crews, a former NFL player (meaning he's physically tougher and psychologically braver than the average man) was so caught off-guard when another man grabbed his privates that his mind froze when it happened. That's what happens to ANYONE who is caught-off guard like that! Even to the tough guys!
Let's also put it this way, even the losers of a boxing/MMA match spent hours/weeks/months/years practicing self-defense skills. They still lost!
If that happens to them, what makes you think it can't happen to you?
What makes you think you can whoop everyone who messes with you?
What makes you think you're not vulnerable?
Talk all the about being "street smart" all you, even the most savvy of street criminals and police investigators get outsmarted! And these are people who spend hours planning to outsmart their opponents (who carry guns and more), spend hours figuring out how to commit sneak attacks on their enemies (who carry guns and more), and they still get outsmarted!
The same can apply to the Navy SEALS and the terrorists they're fighting! So much planning on sneak attacks and avoiding sneak attacks, and they still get outsmarted on the battlefield!
If the street criminals, police, Navy SEALS and terrorists all get outsmarted (and captured and killed) even though they're experts in outsmarting dangerous people, what makes you think your street-smartness and precautions will immunize you from being violated?
So instead of demonizing rape victims for "not putting up a fight", "not taking precautions", "letting their guards down", why don't YOU recognize that YOU TOO can be very vulnerable in many situations, and that it can happen to YOU TOO!
Tough Talk and Street Smarts will NOT save you all the time!
