Being a part of a historically oppressed group doesn't and should not exempt you from facing
aggressive pushback when you say "I don't trust white people" or
"I don't trust men". If you want to be respected, you have to respect others!
People need to learn to vent strategically instead of venting recklessly. It's part of being an adult.
On my posts (on blogs and facebook), I aggressively criticize the racist, anti-immigration fear-mongering of people like Donald Trump, Ann Coulter, Jeff Sessions, Steve Bannon and Tomi Lahren. I note their double standards. I defend their victims.
But you don't see me calling people "crackers","honkies", "whiteys", "rednecks" or "f------- haoles".
You don't see me saying stuff like "you white people will never understand", or anything like that.
Though when one European-American said on facebook he didn't understand why people focused so much on Trump's racial slurs, I just told him "if you were on Oahu were living on its westside, or living in the prison yard of Halawa or OCCC, you'll be ultra-sensitive about people using the word "haole" real quick!"
You see, I just reminded that there are places where he doesn't have the privilege, I didn't say "hey, stop whitesplaining to me" because that doesn't help him learn anything!
On to gender, I called Donald Trump a "racist rapist" on facebook. I aggressively criticized other celebrity rapists like Bill Cosby, Jameis Winston and Ben Roethlisburger. I defend a woman's right to excel in any profession she chooses. I defend a woman's right to express their sexuality and I deplore people who call them "whores" or "sluts" for doing so!
You can do all of that without saying "I don't trust men", "men will never understand" or "men are pigs"
Some call that "tone policing".
I call that acting like a mature adult!
As an adult, you have to
be beyond acting like some angst-ridden teenager who vents recklessly!
Even if you're a teenager reading this, you have to start practicing your vents strategically!
Martin Luther King vented strategically! He was bold in the face of racist injustice. He demand equal rights! But he DID NOT say "white people will never get it" or anything like that!
Nelson Mandela vented strategically. He was bold in the face of racist injustice. He demanded equal rights! But he DID NOT say "white people will never get it" or anything like that!
Oprah Winfrey experienced racist and sexist injustice while growing up poor in Mississippi and Tennessee! She experienced abuse that nobody should go through! But she doesn't say "men will never get it" or "white people will never get it"! She doesn't say "men are pigs" or "whites are the devils". Instead she uses her shows and magazines to help people develop empathy and respect for each other.
Everyone experiences hurts.
Suffering in silence harms your soul.
So you have to vent against injustice!
But you have to vent in a way that invites people to understand you!
Saying "men are pigs" or "you got white privilege, you'll never understand" isn't going to help with that!
Now, sometimes venting might hurt some feelings. Make sure it is something like
- this person is a racist because he said or did this
- this person is a sexual predator and is lowlife scum
NOTICE that those
statements are focused on an INDIVIDUAL
if it is focused on a
group, it has to be a group based on beliefs or behavior, for example
- I hate the KKK because they want to hurt non-white
people
- I hate Al Quaida because they commits acts of violent
terror
Notice that those
statements did NOT express hatred of any racial group! They only expressed anger of groups people chose to join for the purpose of hurting people.
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This one woman who talked about "not trusting men" also happened to be the same exact woman who was upset that people didn't take anti-white racism seriously! I reminded her that I was the one defending her against those Fake Justice Warriors, and that her comments about "not trusting men" were just like the anti-white racism she experienced in Hawaii.
She then apologize but also accused me of "not understanding" what men put women through!
Excuse me?
Because I don't agree with anti-male sexism, I'm accused of "not understanding" what men put women through!
I read TONS AND TONS AND TONS AND TONS of articles about the abuse women receive from abusive males.
That woman's problem is that she DOESN'T UNDERSTAND that any human (especially adults my age, which she is) need to learn how to vent strategically, not recklessly!
Her anti-male sexism is RECKLESS! It DOES NOT make people more sympathetic to her pains, it makes them LESS sympathetic to her pains.
If you want respect, you have to show it!
Those who were abused are not exempt from that!
And this "not understanding" nonsense totally reminds me of this Asian-American classmate who said he hated Polynesians because he was bullied by them!
When I objected to his racist comments, he accused me of .............[drumroll please] ......."not understanding" what he went through!
He said "if that happened to you, you would understand"
Understand?
Does that guy even understand what it's like to grow up as Latino in Hawaii when most of my peers are of Asian or Pacific ancestries?
But you don't hear me expressing racism towards Asians, Polynesians, Europeans or whatevers who bullied me!
It's because I vent strategically, not recklessly!
=====
This one woman who talked about "not trusting men" also happened to be the same exact woman who was upset that people didn't take anti-white racism seriously! I reminded her that I was the one defending her against those Fake Justice Warriors, and that her comments about "not trusting men" were just like the anti-white racism she experienced in Hawaii.
She then apologize but also accused me of "not understanding" what men put women through!
Excuse me?
Because I don't agree with anti-male sexism, I'm accused of "not understanding" what men put women through!
I read TONS AND TONS AND TONS AND TONS of articles about the abuse women receive from abusive males.
That woman's problem is that she DOESN'T UNDERSTAND that any human (especially adults my age, which she is) need to learn how to vent strategically, not recklessly!
Her anti-male sexism is RECKLESS! It DOES NOT make people more sympathetic to her pains, it makes them LESS sympathetic to her pains.
If you want respect, you have to show it!
Those who were abused are not exempt from that!
And this "not understanding" nonsense totally reminds me of this Asian-American classmate who said he hated Polynesians because he was bullied by them!
When I objected to his racist comments, he accused me of .............[drumroll please] ......."not understanding" what he went through!
He said "if that happened to you, you would understand"
Understand?
Does that guy even understand what it's like to grow up as Latino in Hawaii when most of my peers are of Asian or Pacific ancestries?
But you don't hear me expressing racism towards Asians, Polynesians, Europeans or whatevers who bullied me!
It's because I vent strategically, not recklessly!
I know what it's like to be different from others around me! I know what it's like to be bullied? I know what it's like to be humiliated in front of others! I know what it's like to grow body hairs earlier than my peers! I know what it's like to live in ghetto neighborhoods! I know what it's like to be grow up being told to not go certain areas because "you might get robbed"!
I understand pain, hurt and trauma!
But I also understand that one should vent strategically and not recklessly!
I understand pain, hurt and trauma!
But I also understand that one should vent strategically and not recklessly!
I get angry at stuff! I get angry at people! But I do it at the individual level! I get angry at people as individuals, NOT AS members of groups!
I understand people should just be judged as individuals!
So it is STUPID and RECKLESS to hate a person just because of what somebody else did to you!
You want understanding?
How about understanding others?
Stop viewing other races as "monsters" out to get you!
Stop viewing all males as rapists, perverts, "mansplainers" and sexists!
Start learning about the humanity of those who are the same ethnicity as those individuals who bullied you!
Start learning about the humanity of those who are the same gender as those individuals who abused you!
It's not about "privilege" or "tone policing".
It's about growing up! It's about maturity!
It's about making your community and the world a better place!
Or as Rodney King once said "can we all just get along?"
