my battles at PES

Again, I expose the injustices I have experienced!

This time, I'll discuss my time working at Palolo Elementary School (PES)

I was a para-professional tutor at that campus for one semester (Fall 2011).

During my time there, I was in a total no-win situation.

I was to assist a student with behavior issues. (will be referred to with fake initials ZZ)

To make the situation worse, I have gotten totally contradictory messages from so many different directions.

While I will protect the student's identity, I will no longer protect the corrupt adults in this situation!

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Let's start with the angry parent from hell  ----  [name deleted due to confidentiality rules] I'll just call her ZZ's Mom for the rest of this post.

When I politely inform her of her son's struggle in one topic, she got all belligerent!

I mentioned maybe it was his 2 week absent. She said "those are excuses" EXCUSE ME- I JUST TRYING TO BE NICE TO YOU WHEN I MENTIONED "maybe it was his 2 weeks absences".  

But that's not all!

When I was waiting in the cafeteria for her son, I saw her walking in and I was wondering "where is her son?"  Then she starts confronting me with this "you can't just watch my son run around like that!"

As I try to explain that I didn't even know where her son was, she start telling "get away from me"

Yeah, she starts an argument, and yells "get away from me" as soon as I respond. That is not different from someone who punches you and then screams "dont hit me" when you punch back!

ZZ's Mom is no different from someone who punches the back of your head, then runs away before you can get back up!

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And  about what I mentioned earlier 

When I politely inform her of her son's struggle in one topic, she got all belligerent!

A couple weeks later, the principal told ZZ'z Mom straight up, your son is struggling in that topic. ZZ's Mom was like "he was doing fine last year". The principal replied "This isn't last year!"  and that "he will be placed in another class." 

Take that ZZ's Mom!

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ZZ had a different teacher for homeroom (Suanne Kim and for SPED (Connie Ma).


 I had ZERO problems with the SPED teacher.


Ms. Suanne Kim (the homeroom teacher), who is supposed to be more experienced, is another story!

Suanne Kim tried to undermine my authority by telling me "let it go" when I tried to discipline ZZ.

So did an Ed Assistant named Wendy by telling me you shouldn't be yelling at ZZ when I was disciplining him.

Hey Suanne Kim and Wendy, next time STFU and let me do my job!

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If that wasn't bad enough, here comes  Nadine Chun, who was the school service co-ordinator.


She came to Suanne Kim's class to observe me and the student I was working with.

Remember, Suanne Kim was the same teacher who tells me "let it go" whenever ZZ misbehaves.

Then  Nadine Chun has the nerve to say afterwards that I was being "a patsy" and taunted me with about that ZZ  "got you wrapped around his finger".

All because I followed Homeroom Teacher's advice.


Obviously, I was full of rage that afternoon. I started going off and yelled at Nadine Chun with full blown rage!


Later that afternoon, I also expressed my anger at Ms Suanne Kim, who just sat there and took it! (Ms Suanne Kim later apologized the next week)


I was also ready to yell at ZZ's Mom with full blown rage, but she left earlier that day! Appointment, they said.


Well, here's my letter to Nadine Chun I sent to her after the meeting!

11/22/2011

From : Pablo Wegesend

To: Nadine Chun

(pre-letter :  Until you read this letter in it’s entirety and understand my talking points at the gut level, I will refuse to join any conversations in which you are involved)

This letter is my follow-up to what happened in the school office yesterday!  As I’m writing this, it’s a day later, and I had time to think about what happened! So I am going to write to you about how YOUR communication style increased my level of anger! I’m going to tell you why [the principal] layed down the law with you in the meeting yesterday, and why her communication style is VERY EFFECTIVE in calming me down.  Also, towards the end of my letter, I will give you a contact list of some of my former supervisors  whose communication style has a calming effect on me! Their communication style is similar to [the principal ]n and is TOTALLY OPPOSITE of YOUR communication style!

Also,  [the principal] told me that your communication style with me were the wrong things to say at the wrong time!  I encourage you to get some mentoring from her on that issue!

First off, my anger tantrum could have been EASILY PREVENTED had you just stick with telling me “OK, we will help with a more consistent discipline environment.” Had you just stick with words like that, I would have left the office a lot more calm and relaxed!

However, you in your infinite wisdom, thought it was a good idea to tell me “[ZZ} thinks you’re a patsy” and “[ZZ]has you wrapped around his finger”. Those words are guaranteed to cause the listener to over-compensate!  If you didn’t realize that those were fighting words, then YOU are Extremely Stupid and are less qualified to work in an educational environment than I am! Don’t’ give me this stuff about your decades of experiences and whatever degrees you have!  The fact that you thought it was a good idea to call me a “patsy” shows that whatever decades of experiences and degrees you got are ALL FOR NOTHING!

When you started to call me a “patsy”, YOU have woken up a sleeping giant!  Do know where that metaphor came from? When Japan attacked Pearl Harbor, Admiral Yamamoto warned his superiors “you have woken up a sleeping giant”.  And look what happened to Japan afterwards. Once you start disrespecting me by using words like “patsy”, it will be impossible to put the genie back in the bottle! 

And now that I’m mentioned a few clichés, I’ll give you another one  --- No More Mister Nice Guy! That is my reaction after you used Ad Hominem attacks like “patsy”. I’ve been trying to be professional and accommodating to everyone around me the last 3.5 months! It’s not working! It’s been giving you a mistaken message that you could walk all over me and disrespect me without consequences!  Well, to paraphrase gangsta rapper Ice Cube, you have chosen the wrong person to [..........] with!

And for you tell me to “calm down”, “forget about it” and “don’t point your finger at me”. You know what those words mean? People who use such words are EXACTLY THE SAME as those people who throw punches at victims who aren’t looking, and run away before the victim can stand back and fight back! Words like “calm down”, “forget about it” and “don’t point your finger at me” are words used by cowards who pick fights with people but yet can’t stand it when their victims stand up to them!

It is a VERY CLASSIC TACTIC OF A BULLY to say words like “just forget about it” when their victims attempt to stand up to them and hold them accountable! Did you really believe that I would’ve calmed down after you told me “just forget about it”?  If you did, then you are truly an extremely stupid person! It’s impossible to be more stupid than person who thinks words like “forget about it” have a calming effect!  Kids who want to be more stupid than that need to set more realistic goals!

Also, that “don’t point your finger at me” stuff?  The fact that I kept pointing my finger after you said that, and you didn’t physically stop me shows that you are being hypocritical in calling me a “pasty”.  You want to start calling other people patsies, than you better back it up with some physical action! Otherwise, keep words like “patsy” to yourself! You keep telling me to “stop pointing your finger”, I will exchange my pointer finger for my middle finger! No More Mister Nice Guy!

Your “apology”

There’s a reason why I put quotation marks around the word “apology”.

For one thing, words like “I’m sorry if I offended you” or “I’m sorry if anyone feels offended” are OBVIOUS SIGNS that person is ONLY sorry that they’re being held accountable!

Remember when Rod Tam used the word “wetbacks” to refer to illegal alien workers? Remember when Gregg McMackin called the opposing team’s chant as a “faggot dance”? Remember anytime a celebrity said something racist, sexist or homophobic! What do they tend to say? They say “I’m sorry if anyone is offended”.

And how do the TV pundits and newspaper editorialist react to such phony apologies? They call it like it is – They say that this “I’m sorry if anyone is offended” is a sign that the person still doesn’t truly understand why he/she is wrong, that person is just trying to weasel their way out of trouble!

Also, the fact that you demanded my apology after yours is a sign that you still don’t understand how your words are really offensive! You’re trying to treat me like a “patsy” by playing mind games like “I say sorry, so you better say sorry”.

Well, guess what? I AM NOT sorry for my temper tantrum! I’d rather eat [..........] than give you a fake apology! In fact, I will go as far as saying that I am PROUD of my temper tantrum. It’s already in my top 5 list of the greatest things I’ve done in 2011!  Because you are so [..........] in waking up a sleeping giant, everyone finally took my grievances seriously! I’m been trying to say the same things in a professional manner the last 3.5 months! With my temper tantrum, changes are finally being made! So, don’t EVER expect me to give you a [fake] Apology for how I acted! Sure I might apologize to other office staff who heard it all!   They are the truly innocent bystanders in all this! I hate disturbing their peace! But you disturbed my peace with your disrespectful words! Your words like “patsy” is an Act of War that I will no longer tolerate!  Because you committed an Act of War against me, I’d rather eat [..........] than to give you a false apologize because you truly deserve all the anger I gave you yesterday! My only regret is that I didn’t yell louder and longer!

(and yes, you can show [the principal] what I just wrote!)

And the happiest part of that day was when [the principal] layed down the law on you and told you “No Buts”, “No lectures”, “Don’t demand an apology”. She exposed that you’re the true patsy in all this!  But more importantly, while might’ve been too polite to say so, everything she stopped you from saying are ALL SIGNS OF A [fake]  APOLOGY!

So, if anything I said indicated that I accepted your “apology”, I take it back!  I DON’T accept your BS apology! Until you can explain to me in a calm tone why you didn’t realize your words and communication style made things worse, than all attempts at apology would be a TOTAL waste of energy on YOUR part!

Inconsistencies with Staff Members

And let me tell you this, had YOU spent 3.5 months dealing inconsistent staff members, being told “let it go” by [Homeroom Teacher], being confronted  by [ZZ]’s mom, and being given mixed messages by so many different staff members, then YOU would understand why I have been so reluctant to go the full measure with [ZZ]. In fact, YOU would have been doing the same exact things I’ve been doing! You would understand my thoughts of “would she say I’m too soft or too abusive” when being observed by office staff members.  AND DON’T YOU DARE GIVE ME THIS horse [stuff] that you would’ve been able to control your anger after being called a “patsy” by another staff member. I don’t believe it!

And when you called [SPED teacher] and told her that I was frustrated by the lack of support from her  --  BULL[..........]! I was NEVER frustrated with [SPED teacher]! NEVER! My problem was with [Homeroom Teacher], who you seen admitting to saying “let it go” when dealing with[ZZ] ! Shame on you for telling [SPED teacher] that I was frustrated with her! You have done some serious harm by FALSELY telling [SPED teacher]  that I was frustrated with her. I even had to sent a letter telling her that your phone conversation was TOTALLY WRONG!

Supervisors with a Calming Effect on Me

As I’ve mentioned earlier, [the principal] has a communication style that has a calming effect on me, even when things get rough! Your communication style has the TOTALLY OPPOSITE EFFECT ON ME! So I’d happy if [the principal] can take time out of her busy to help with this! The fact that she told you “No Buts”, “No Lectures”, “No Demands for Apologies”, etc are great starting points!

But I also want to give you a list of my former supervisors within the education industry who have been able to have a calming effect on me, even when times are rough! They don’t use BULL[..........] Cliches like “forget about it” or “let it go”. They don’t use vicious Ad Hominem attacks like “patsy” or “wrapped around his finger”. They don’t have to tell me “don’t point the finger at me” because they NEVER given me a reason to be angry at them! They understand how to get performance improvements from me with using your INSULTING, DEGRADING tactics

Here’s my list

1)     [name and contact info taken out to protect the innocent]
He is a retired Recreation Director at [.................] ! He was my supervisor when I worked at[..............] summer programs. This was back in 2005 & 2006, when I was first starting out in the education industry! It was my first time working with elementary aged kids!
Being that I inevitably made some rookie errors, [recreation director]  was very patient with me! He was able to correct my errors without using your degrading and insulting tactics. . If it wasn’t for him and what he taught me, I might’ve burned out on the education industry a long time ago!He is a very calm presence, and taught me so much in dealing not just with the job, but with life in general. While I might’ve not effectively used such lessons on 11/21/11, I’ve been to do so most other times in my educational careerLike [PES principal], [the recreation director] has extensive experience working with people from the housing projects! He is a true believer in second chances, understanding that many working under him grew up in an unstable environment, but they all want to do their best for their community! 

2)      [name and contact info taken out to protect the innocent]
He is currently working as a principal at [public elementary school].
He was the Vice-Principal at [public middle school]  the previous 2 school years, in which he oversaw the Special Education Department.  Within that time, I was working as a PPT just like at my current school.I had ABSOLUTELY ZERO temper tantrums during my time working there! NONE, even though I did have some frustrations with teachers that I felt were things the wrong way! I was able to discussions with [vice-principal: name deleted to protect the innocent] on those issues in a civilized manner. He had a very calming effect on me, and someone I would love to work for again!While [name deleted to protect the innocent]  has spent the recent years at East Honolulu schools, he also had work experience with public housing students from his time working as an interim principal at [public middle school] and as a science teacher at [public high school] I have known [...........] for 11 years, when we were part of the UH’s school’s newspaper Ka Leo O Hawaii.  This guy is a true professional that has no patience with your style of clichés!  Those teachers who did use your style of clichés really got it under him, though he remained a true professional the whole time!

3)     [name and contact info taken out to protect the innocent]
She is the person in charge of the[..........] , an agency that provided substitute staff for private schools and preschools.  I have worked under her since 2006.
She is one of the compassionate people out there! She also is one of the best people I can talk whenever I have personal issues on or off the job! If I had problems with the worksites I was sent, she was able to have a calming effect on me.  And many times, the problems have gotten solved.  (by the way, I had NEVER had a temper tantrum with any of those worksites. Whatever their flaws, I didn’t hear BS clichés like “forget about it” nor ad hominem tactics like “you’re a patsy”)She was also good at hooking me up with worksites where my help has been appreciated! While I haven’t spent much time under her agency lately (due to budget cuts at the schools her agency work with), I would love to work under the agency more often in the future! 

I could easily come up with more names and contacts, but I think those 3 plus [PES principal] are more than enough people who are great in dealing with me! They can give you advice in how to communicate with me. They can give you pointers in getting your point across with a calming (instead of your insulting) effect on me! 

Until you have been able to talk to all those people, then I will REFUSE to engage in any civilized, professional discussions with you! If you have trouble contacting any of them, let [the principal] and she’ll relay that message to me!

You treat me with the same disrespect you have shown me on 11/22/11, then I will NOT guarantee that I will use a professional tone of voice! You said my temper tantrums are “unprofessional”? You calling me a “patsy” and telling me “forget about it” are NOT ONLY unprofessional, they are the tactics of the worst scum on Earth!

Conclusion

Yes, you have my full 100% permission to share this letter with [the principal] or any other DOE staff member! You have my full 100% permission to show this letter UNCENSORED!

( I already mentioned to [the principal] in a letter, that I will write a letter to you! Whether she thinks it’s a good idea is irrelevant to me as I am writing this).

My attitude is now “No More Mister Nice Guy”. Nice guy tactics don’t work with you!  There’s ZERO reason for me to be nice with you! There is ZERO reason for me to defer to you! In fact, I have an extremely high level of hatred towards you, and I already put you in my bottom 5 list of the worst people in the educational industry! You used personal insults on me like you did, then you should’ve seen it coming! No More Mister Nice Guy!

And to anyone else reading this, I know I’m taking a HUGE career risk by writing such an uncensored letter. But Nadine’s style of disrespect CAN NOT and SHOULD NOT go unanswered, and CAN NOT and SHOULD NOT be dealt with in a meek manner! It’s one thing if kids disrespect me, but I have a MUCH LOWER TOLERANCE for ADULTS (especially old ones like Nadine Chun)  who disrespect me like she did! 

IF I lose my job over this, then I’ll just say “my honor and soul is NOT for sale”.  It is what is is!

After recieving this letter, Nadine Chun (who called me a "patsy") started acting like a patsy herself!



The principal mentioned that Nadine Chun called the police on me. That was a few hours after I put my 2nd letter to Nadine Chun in the mailbox.

(As for the police, an officer interviewed me on campus,  and that was it)


But since Nadine Chun  called the police, I ripped up the  2nd letter when it arrived on campus but before she had a chance to see it.

But you know what?

I still got a copy of the letter!

And I can still post it on my blog, and not a thing she can do about it

11/23/2011

From : Pablo Wegesend

To : Ms Nadine Chun

This is Part 2 of my letter to you. As if I didn’t have enough to say in Part 1, there’s more to be said.

What really angered me was when you got on my case for “not giving [ZZ] a consequence” after spitting his crayon!  Excuse me? I wasn’t even allowed to give [ZZ] much of a consequence when I’m in [Homeroom Teachers’] class. [Homeroom Teacher] admitted it in the meeting! So it pissed me off that MY HANDS WERE TIED, yet you scolded me for not giving [ZZ] a consequence! And to make it worse, you used vicious insults like  “patsy”, and you have the nerve to call me “unprofessional” when I finally stood up to you and defend myself against your vicious insults and accussations?  What the[.........] do you expect me to be? You expect me to be a doormat when you’re talking to me? I’m supposed to take your [.........], and I’m supposed to be submissive to you?  Well, [..........] that [..........]!  No More Mister Nice Guy!

You said you were “not blaming me”? Yeah, and OJ is looking for the real killer!  You saying “I’m not blaming you” is another mind game you think you can play with me? No more games, No More Mister Nice Guy!

Also, the next time you piss someone off, it’s best that YOU not tell them to calm down.  All that does to me is INCREASE MY ANGER LEVELS EVEN MORE!  Nothing increases my anger more than someone who is already pissing me off telling me to “calm down” and “forget about it”.  YOU WERE THE WRONG PERSON TO TELL ME TO CALM DOWN! Next time you piss someone off (even unintentionally) let the bystanders tell that person to “calm down”. The angry person is A LOT MORE LIKELY to calm down for the bystander instead of the person who pissed him/her off!

You telling me “calm down” and “forget about it” has the same meaning  as “how dare you stand up and defend yourself against my vicious insults and accussations. Just suck it up and be an ass kisser”. Well, guess what? Don’t you dare tell me not to stand up for myself against you!  I will NOT kiss your [the other word for donkey]! No More Mister Nice Guy! 

I also told you some of your suggestions didn’t work! You said they do! THEY DON’T WORK!  I did try them and don’t you [..........] dare tell me that I didn’t!  You weren’t there everyday! Oh, so you saw me one day! Hello, everyday is different, duh!

You told [SPED teacher] that I felt I didn’t have support from her! BULL[stuff]! I was NEVER angry at {SPED teacher]! It was Miss Alvina that was criticizing [SPED Teacher], NOT ME! I was angry that I didn’t get the right support from [Homeroom Teacher]!  You telling [SPED teacher] the wrong information is A SERIOUS MISTAKE! Because of you, [SPED teacher] probably feels that I’m against her ! HOW DARE YOU PLANT THOSE THOUGHTS IN HER HEAD!

And before you go complaining about my “unprofessionalism”, I’m going to tell you that I have WASTED 3.5 months accommodating the wishes of everyone else around me! I have WASTE D 3.5 months being Mister Nice Guy and submitting to the advice of all the teachers, EAs, PPTs and everyone else around me! I held back some of my criticisms earlier in order to be a “team player”.  Rookies (like me) are very vulnerable to holding back their criticisms of their more senior members! But I can only take so much bull[...] from others. But YOU are the WORST PERSON in all this! Your communication style with me is WORSE and MORE INSULTING than everyone else on campus!

I fooled too many people with my nice guy persona.  My glasses, my smile, my people pleasing ways have has given people like you a mistaken impression that I’m a doormat! Well, guess what! DON’T LET THAT NICE GUY PERSONA FOOL YOU!  While I am nice and generous to most people, I am totally hateful to my enemies! And you have become my enemy with your insulting communication style!  Once the genie is out of the bottle, it’s hard to put him back in! No More Mister Nice Guy!

I’m at a point where I no longer care if I get fired! My honor and soul is NOT for sale!  So yeah, show this letter to whoever you want! !  I’m done with  being a “professional”.  I’m done “being calm”! I’m done with being “mature”.  I’m done with being a nice guy! No More Mister Nice Guy!

PS: You want my forgiveness? Forgiveness is NOT FOR FREE! It is earned over long periods of time!  

PS # 2: to anyone else who might be reading this – I really need to get my message across uncensored. I know I’m taking a huge risk with this letter, but this risk is my best option out there!  While I appreciate the opportunity given to me by Palolo Elementary School, if I get fired for this,  oh well, at least I got my message out!

No, I wasn't fired!

 the principal begged me to stick around. The principal was a strong believer in 2nd chances!


Plus, the principal knew that Nadine Chun (aka the real patsy) was in the wrong.

The principal wanted me to meet with Nadine Chun to make peace.

Nadine Chun refused!

The principal claimed Nadine Chun had "fear in her heart"

So not only is Nadine Chun is a patsy,Nadine Chun is a COWARD!


Nadine Chun later complained to the DOE with slanders about the principal and me!
  
Guess what?  The principal got a promotion! I'm still in the DOE!

You know why?

Because the DOE knows that Nadine Chun is full of stuff you wouldn't dare eat. 

You see, the DOE knew about previous complaint about Nadine Chun when she was a teacher at Wilson Elementary School and at Queen Lilioukalani Elementary School

A parent wrote a letter to the Board of Education that Nadine Chun forced his son to eat  dog biscuits.

Another parent mentioned that Nadine Chun put soap in a student's mouth!

You can read about both incidents at https://lilinote.k12.hi.us/STATE/BOE/Minutes.nsf/ebb43af14ca5cdb30a2565cb006622a8/7175bbd1600bff1f0a2569340069fbd0/$FILE/7-20-00%20BOE%20Minutes%20-%20Attachments.pdf

(you'll need Adobe PDF to read the above link)

Ms Nadine Chun, you are lucky I'm not those kid's parents. You are lucky those parents had good restraint.

You keep treating the kids like that, the next parents you'll see might not practice good restraint! Consider yourself warned!

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ZZ's mom and Nadine Chun are dishonorable people.  

They are rude and belligerent people who start stuff with people who are too professional to go down to their level!

They pick fights with those who restrain themselves!

They pick fights with those who fear getting fired!

They talk trash, but can't handle it when their victims stand up to them!


If you talk to them in a respectful, accommodating, and professional manner, they will look at as a weakness to take advantage of! 
 
But they don't realize that just because someone is soft-spoken, accommodating and professional, that doesn't mean they will be forever submissive!

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As for me, I no longer work as a Para-Professional Tutor, I no longer do one-on-one work with students with extreme behavior issues.
 

I still work as a substitute teacher and I have ZERO drama with school staff members this year.

I get along with the overwhelming majority of school staff members!


As far as I'm concerned, my time as a Para-Professional Tutor at PES is  just a footnote in my work history in the school system.