What the hell is all that supposed to mean?
A lot of us heard it like "you gotta be the tough guy"
And in modern American culture, young males took it to mean
"you got to be a jock",
"you got to be a gangsta",
"you gotta work in physical labor jobs",
"you got to bench 400 pounds",
"you got to fight anyone anytime"
and if you fit none of those stereotypes? Oh, oh..........................
you'll tend to feel insecure, worried that your peers will call you a "woman" or a "fag"
But is that what "be a man" supposed to be about?
From Micheal Tsai's column
http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2005/Jul/18/il/507180311.html
Back in the day — and, um, which day was that, again? — the phrase "be a man" wasn't intended as some backhanded slap at gays or women, but an admonishment to grow up and stop being, well, a boy.
So what is supposed to be difference between a "boy" and a "man" besides age?
And why is limited to "be a man"?
I rarely ever heard females get told "be a woman", "act like a woman", etc. Though it might've been said more often pre-1950's to discourage women from applying for certain jobs. That has changed!
As far as I'm concerned, enough of this "be a man" or "be a woman" stuff! We already know what gender we are!
Look, I do think people need to develop maturity and confidence as they grow up.
But it shouldn't be limited to "be a man" phrases.
And no you don't need to be a jock, gangsta, labor worker, super-lifter nor an MMA champ.
So instead of this "be a man" stuff, I'll just replace the goal for every human being growing up with this .................................
Become a mature, confident adult
That doesn't sound weak, right?
That's not limited to any gender, right?
You don't need to fit a gender stereotype to be a "mature confident adult", right?
You can be some fashion designer, ballet dancer or something like that and still be a Mature Confident Adult!
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There's nothing mature about some person who thinks toughness is all about domination and bullying of others. There's nothing mature about making inappropriate jokes or daring someone to do something dangerous or wrong just to test if "he's a real man"
There's nothing confident about wallowing in self-pity and insecurity. There's nothing confident about being stuck in panic mode.
But you know what? You don't just say "I'm now a mature, confident adult" and think you'll be that way forever!
Hell no, becoming a Mature Confident Adult takes constant work.
You can be super-confident when doing something you're good at one day, but be totally insecure when learning a new skill or just being in a new situation. Confidence doesn't last forever, it takes CONSTANT vigilance.
As for maturity, you can seem mature in one situation, but become tempted to do immature things when being around friends or new people. Maturity doesn't last forever, it takes CONSTANT vigilance!
So yeah, you're CONSTANTLY BEING TESTED! FOR LIFE!
But I still think becoming a Mature Confident Adult is a good goal for everyone!
