Today, it's official! I have lived 3 full decades since birth!
A big milestone for me! 3 decades since I was born in Queen's Hospital in downtown Honolulu!
1) My 20's are over!
The 20's are when a person comes out of adolescence and into adulthood!
Some of the lessons you learned as an adolescence has to be unlearned in adulthood!
A lot of the lessons you learned from your peers in your teenage years can put you in serious trouble as an adult.
Back in my teenage years, sometimes people would ask "why don't you fight that guy, are you scared?" if you refuse to fight someone! Because no boy wants to be known as a wuss, losing control of one's anger is encouraged! Losing control of your anger is seen as a "sign of toughness" among teenagers. It can become a habit!
When I started working in the schools, I wanted to be seen as a "cool teacher" but I also didn't want to be seen a "wuss teacher"! In the beginning, though I was usually the "nice guy", I also yelled with rage a few times. But I learned that once that happens, that's the ONLY thing people remember! Everything else is ignored!
Thanks to people like Vince DeBina, Francis Akana, Miles Ogawa, and others, I have learned ways to be stern without rage! These are role models I wish I had earlier in life!
Many parents and teachers don't teach their kids how to stand for themselves, because they don't want their kids to stand up to them! Parents and teachers want to be in control and don't want to lose control of their kids. But the kids won't be kids forever, they need to learn skills of confidence, personal authority, being stern, and avoid rages! This is essential for success in a career and marriage! Parents and teachers need to find ways to instill those lessons! Otherwise, the kids will only learn conflict resolutions from their peers, and in too many cases, those end up being skills more suited to a prison environment than a professional environment!
Another transition many people go through in their 20's is having to learn that what is considered funny among teens can be career-ending as adults. Silliness is rewarded by your peers as a teenager. While I can still be funny and silly, I have to be more careful, now that I have to be a role model! Anything you do, the kids will copy in a more dangerous or offensive manner.
2) Achievements and Accomplishments
I am proud of the achievements and accomplishments I have gained so far in life.
I have been under-estimated at various times, but rised above expectations.
I didn't even start talking until 5 years old. Most kids start talking at age 2! This is came with disadvantages. I had a tendency to mumble and occasionally stutter. Because I didn't "look local" to some, some thought my mumbling was due to "being foreign". I have learned to talk slower and to think of what to say before saying it! I have also told some students that if they feel I was talking too fast, to let me know politely, so I can repeat it in a slower pace. I'm usually understood when I'm talking and I know that because of the way people usually react to what I am saying! But everyone experience hearing people ask "what was that again?", even the smoothest talkers.
Also, because I started talking late, I started kindergarten a year later than other kids born the same year as me. While most kids born in 1980 are in the c/o 98, I was c/o 99 due to the delay in starting kindergarten. That's fine with me, since I did pretty well in most academic subjects. While I was average in math, I was in the higher classes for most other subjects. And I was way ahead of most of my peers when the subject was history and geography. I even won a few geography bees back in elementary school. This was because I was lucky enough to have atlases, encyclopedias in the home I grew up in. Not every kid is lucky to have books in the home. I feel bad for them.
By the time I started adulthood, I graduated high school with a 3.3 GPA, and went to the University of Hawaii - Manoa. Graduating from college was one of my proudest moments of my life, because I accomplished something that many people never get to experience.
For more on my high school life, check out
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2009/06/10-years-ago-today.html
For more on my UH career, check out
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2009/12/5-years-since-my-uh-graduation.html
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I graduated from UH in Fall 2004! Even with my degree, I was still searching for a direction in life. I was inspired by Micheal Meli, who was a UH classmate who graduated a year before me. Right after he graduated, he became a substitute teacher. He indirectly inspired me to become a substitute teacher myself.
I have been working as a substitute teacher for 5 years now. Also, earlier this year, I have gotten a part-time position working as a para-professional tutor at a middle school, working with students in the Special Education program. This is usually 2x a week. I work the other days as a substitute teacher.
I am planning to eventually becoming a full-time teacher! However, I will need to take more classes to get certified. I was considering taking the teacher ed program at UH, though most of the classes are daytime, which can be a scheduling conflict for those with full-time jobs. I am also considering the University of Phoenix, with a master's program that's more flexible for working adults. But it's not yet official.
3) Stuff I still haven't got around to
Back in high school, I wanted to learn how to drive. I did get my permit for those learning to drive.
However, I got distracted by other priorities. School, work, balancing my budgets.
Yep, 30 without a driver's license! People sometimes react to that with shock! It's like they never heard of it before!
I can still get around by bus, bike or walk. Plus, I never have to worry about parking :) I see people driving around the parking lot frustrated by the lack of parking space. Whereas for me, as soon as I get to the place, I just walk right in! :)
No need to worry about paying for gas, paying for car repairs, or paying for car insurance.
Though I do dream of driving around in a green 1964 Chevy Impala, with the hydraulics jumping, and the stereo blasting :) And driving friends and relatives around the island. Or just cruising Kapiolani Blvd or Kalakaua Ave at night with the stereos blasting!
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While I have traveled to Mexico, California and Las Vegas, it's been a while. Again, other priorities got in the way!
I do hope to be able to travel to places like Miami, New Orleans, El Paso, San Antonio, Austin, Atlanta! Also, check out all the historical monuments in Washington DC, and check out New York City. Check out Yellowstone, Yosemite, and go to Alaska
While I already visited Mexico, I also dream of visiting my other ancestral lands like Puerto Rico, Spain, Portugal and Germany. While I have a German last name, I don't look German, and I identify with it the least, due to the low exposure to that culture. Because of my last name, I got asked all these questions about German culture by this one immigrant Polish woman, and this one Filipina lady whose husband was stationed in Germany. I told them they had way more exposure to German culture than I did. I only got the last name!
Maybe after visiting my ancestral lands, I want to visit the ancestral lands of my classmates and students. That will mean the other Pacific Islands and Asia. Then I'll continue on to South America, Africa and the Middle East, and wherever else I forgot to mention.
4) Avoiding falling into ghetto stereotypes
I spent the first 14 years of my life in a public housing in Kalihi. While it's officially called "Puahala Homes", everyone just calls it "Lanakila Housing" due to being near a school, park and an avenue all named Lanakila! While it's not as well known, and not as dangerous as other housing complexes like Kuhio Park Terrace, Mayor Wright's Housing or Kalhi Valley Home (aka Kam IV), it is definitely not a quiet suburb!
Even my family circumstances had its own challenges. My mother grew up in the same neighborhood and was a teen parent. My father was an immigrant from Mexico. My father likes to drink beer, and while drunk, is uncontrollable. My mother, while peaceful, loving and caring, doesn't always notice problems until they get too big to ignore.
The stereotype of people who grow up in those circumstances are "they end up being high school dropouts, become alcoholics and drug addicts, they end up living the life of crime and spend prison time, and they become parents while still teenagers".
I sure didn't fit those stereotypes!
I really believe that my success in avoiding these problems growing up was because I usually thought about the long-term. I always thought that doing the right things can open doors in the future.
However, too many kids think in the short-term. They think "homework too hard, why bother". They think "I gotta cut class, smoke and drink to fit in." That is short-term thinking, and THAT is what get kids into trouble.
I mean, I know kids who had more than enough intelligence to do well in school and in life, but were so Short-Term Oriented that they ruined their potential by cutting class, smoking, drinking, and getting involved in the gang life! Very heart-breaking!
As for me, fitting in wasn't a big priority. Even if all the other kids didn't do their homework, I still did mine. Ask anyone in my 9th grade science class if you think I'm exaggerating about all the other kids in class not doing homework.
And I have never cutted class. Sure, some classes have teachers and classmates who weren't ideal! I was thinking long-term! Just go to class, get the work done, get the grade! You can't get ideal situations all the time, so just bear with it!
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If you ever wonder why I refuse to drink alcoholic beverages, it's because I refuse to follow the same direction as my father. My father is usually friendly when sober, but gets very moody when drunk. I remember the trip to Mexico, where he raged at his own mother. My dad was drunk! I even remember my mom going to my grandma's home to call the cops on my dad! My dad was drunk! This was why me and my brothers don't drink alcoholic beverages. In fact, my dad is proud that I didn't inherit his bad habits!
Even hearing how the people in the housing act when they were drunk made me want to avoid alcohol! Hearing people making noise late at night, and hearing domestic disputes from nearby residents made me want to remain abstinent from alcohol for life!
Also, everything I heard from guest speakers at school and stuff I read about alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs is more than enough to convince me that it's not good to try those things. Pretty much every kid hears those lessons in school! Unfortunately, in too many cases, when those kids grow up, they give in to peer pressure, in a desperate attempt to fit in! However, some things are more important to me than fitting in!
Plus, alcohol smells bad, and I don't even understand why people need to get drunk to have fun. You don't need alcohol to enjoy a sports game, a party, or whatever else!
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The other risks in growing up in the ghettoes include gang involvement and being a teen parent.
I wasn't hard enough to even be recruited by any gang. Maybe that was a good thing! Plus, all the stories I heard about what goes on in prison is more than enough to scare me from getting involved in criminal activity.
Also, I also avoided being a teen parent, since when it comes to getting laid, I just didn't try hard enough! LOL! Maybe that's a good thing too!
5) From the Hood to the Suburbs
When I was 14, my parents had to move out of Lanakila Housing, because their income was over the limit. After all, that complex was made for "low-income people" and my parent's income was no longer "low".
Well, they wanted to "buy" a house. But just like most cases of "buying a house", the bank bought the house for them, on the condition they make monthly payments. While "buying a house" sounds great, being locked into those mortgages makes your life less flexible, especially if your life in the new location doesn't work out!
Well, my parents "bought" a house in one of those suburbs in the western half of Oahu! I HATED IT!
I don't care if the grass was greener, things look nicer, blah, blah, blah! That stuff is meaningless!
Ideally, a kid grows up in the same neighborhood, growing up with the same friends, going to the same school as their peers. This type of consistency is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than green grass, nice scenery, and all that other stuff.
My grandma still lived in the housing, so I stayed there part-time, and used her address so I could attend the same schools as my childhood peers! However, my parents made me stay in their suburban home for the weekends! That was a problem for me!
At age 14, that is when a boy is in process of becoming a man. And yes, there was pressure from peers, my brothers and father to toughen up! Yet, what did my parents do when I was 14? Make me move to a suburb, which is the most emasculating environment known to humanity! That environments sucks all the masculinity out of you, especially when you need it the most.
Also at age 14 is usually when kids are allowed to roam their neighborhoods by themselves. While other kids probably do that earlier, my mom was a bit over-protective on that! I don't blame her, since it was a rough environment. But just as I was ready to be more adventurous in exploring the hood on my own, my parents moved me to the suburbs! Needless to say, I wasn't very happy about that!
Plus, being in the suburbs meant being in the middle of nowhere! There's nothing there! At least in Honolulu, you get easy access to Ala Moana, downtown, Kapiolani Boulevard, Waikiki, and all the other places teens loved to go! Better for me to stay in the inner-city ghetto and have access to those things, than to be stuck in a suburb.
Also, using my grandma's address for school papers can be a problem, because eventually people find out I wasn't living there full-time, and you never know who might snitch to DOE authorities who may be vigilant about students using their real address!
It got to that point where I just couldn't take being in my parent's suburban house! I wanted to move back to urban Honolulu, even if it's in the hood! Going through the emotions described in the previous paragraphs got me to the point where I got into the biggest rage of my life! I punched some big pillows with full rage right in front of my mom and she was terrified! She was in tears! She could no longer handle dealing with this issue, and she called my grandma to let me live with her full-time. Yep, I went back to the hood and stayed with my grandma full-time, which was what should've happened in the first place.
My parents should've just moved to Liliha, Kukui's, downtown, or Keeaumoku. No need to worry about "housing income limits", no need to worry about being evasive about the address, no need to worry about being separated from childhood peers, no need to worry about being away from places people my age loved to go to!
6) Single 4 Life?
On my mother's side of the family, I got 6 uncles. 2 of them are fathers. 4 of them are what I call "single for life"
I think I'm going in the direction of "Single 4 life" just like my 4 uncles.
I like living alone! I can have noise when I want and I can have quiet when I want!
I'm one of those people who can go days without socializing with others. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT hiding from the world! If you want to contact me, I'm EASY to find online! It's just that I like to have some quiet time to myself! I don't need to be around large groups of people all the time!
I do occasionally spend time with friends and family, but not everyday. In fact, since today's my birthday, I'll having a karaoke party with them, and plan to hit the clubs later in the night! I do love occasionally going to big events with tons of people there!
I also love facebook, where it's easy to contact others I haven't seen in a long time. So far, I got 250+ on my list, all people I have met through my 3 decades of life! And I appreciate every one of them for continuing to stay in my life!
For more things I love about being on facebook, check out
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2010/06/one-year-on-facebook.html
As for marriage and kids, I'm not in that direction yet. I'm not much into dating, though I do occasionally love to hit the clubs and dance with the ladies at times :) I'm just not interested in a long-term relationship for now!
I'm not ready for parenthood yet, and I want to be able to plan when I'm having kids.
Too many people make kids when they're not even ready to have kids. Some people are so short-term oriented that they have unprotected sex and end up having kids they're not ready to take care of!
Some people do become good parents, even if they were totally unprepared parents in the beginning! Even those who were teen parents can become great parents. But too many people shouldn't become parents due to their attitude and immaturity! Those people should just use birth control or just stick with the dry humping!
Too many people act like they're shocked when someone says "I don't want to have kids". You should be happy when some people say "I don't want to have kids"! Some people shouldn't be having kids, and we shouldn't pressure them! The kids suffer when they're made by unprepared parents.
7) Conclusion
If you could make it through the end of this blog post, congratulations. I know it is long, and not everyone has the patience to read long pieces of writing!
But yeah, that is what my first 3 decades of life was like! Now it's time for a new phase of life!
New problems, new stress factors! But also new blessings, new things to learn, new exciting things to experiences, new people that will enrich my life for the better! And a new generation to share all my life lessons with!
Even with all those challenges I faced, I still believe you can't be mad at the world all the time! Yeah, I get mad at stuff, but you gotta enjoy the lighter side of life too! Even the Haitian earthquake victims found time during the recovery to play soccer and dance to music. Chances are the rescued Chilean miners will soon do so too. I known war veterans who survived IED explosions come home and dance during reunions. You can't be a 24-7 victim. Sooner or later, you just gotta put your problems on the side, and do something fun once in a while!
While I'm not part of an organized religion, I believe God is looking out for me. While the devil gets in the way at times, I believe God will help me through the crazy times!
I will enjoy this night, and I hope I will have more decades to celebrate!
