2019 year in review

Another old year is coming to an end!

This year came with a lot of milestones and high's and low's!

It's time to explore them all!

1) Finally started a full-time library position

In 2012, I decided to work towards becoming a full-time library worker and applied to UH-Manoa's Library & Information Science (LIS) program. I started classes in 2013 and graduated in 2015. That followed by more years of job applications, rejections, and depressions.

At the start of this year, I finally started a full-time library position at a local public middle school.  So basically, now that this year is ending, I can finally put in one year of full-time library work on my resume.  That should help me find another library position that comes with higher pay. 

I like doing things to help organize our library's collections. Organizing shelves is what I consider fun.

 We are currently in the weeding process (withdrawing older books) while also adding some new books to the collection. The books leaving outnumber the books coming in!  Some shelves have already been moved out, with more to possibly go!

 We at the library also organize the classroom textbooks for the school, which has its own challenges as it requires more communication with more stakeholders. 

We are fortunate to have student volunteers who help out before school, morning & lunch recess and after school.  These student volunteers give me hope for the future.  :)

As for communication from staff, let's just say it's a work in progress. So many different personalities to deal with! 

This job comes with a consistent monthly salary,  union representation & benefits (ie. insurance plans, retirement savings).  Something I've been waiting for a long time. 

Hawaii's public schools have a 10-month staff (only work when classes are in session) and 12-month staff (year-round). I am a 12-month staff member! I work during school vacations. I actually love it because I love being on campus when hardly anyone is around. Peace & quiet, and I get more time to organize stuff!  I didn't take an actual vacation, but I did request vacation-time off for New Year's Eve. It got approved!  :) 

2) Less time for other stuff

Now that I have a full-time, year-round position, I have less time for other stuff.

For example, this year, I only had 30 blog posts (including this one).

Last year, I had 58 blog posts. In 2013, I had 79 blog posts. For most years, I have above 50 blog posts.

There's much I was interested in blogging about, but I didn't have time.

In past years, I did an annual music-in-review blog post. Last year, I had a blog post with short memorials for some well-known people who passed away. No time for that this year. 

I only did a few YouTube videos this year!

But I did end this year, with a video about how popping fireworks is a waste of time & resources.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PR3OSKX55JM

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I also had less time to do some house cleaning. In the past, when I was a substitute teacher, on the days I don't get called to work, I would spend more time dusting shelves & throwing out accumulated junk.

Well, this past weekend, I did a lot of dusting  & vacuuming!  
And earlier today, I threw out some accumulated junk as well as dusted under the fridge.  Tomorrow, on New Year's Day, I plan to at organize some of the stuff I keep.

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As for my music, I did make more instrumental tracks and finished up what I planned to be my next album. The next album will be more of an easy listening album, a huge contrast to my previous album which was filled with experimental heavy metal instrumentals. 

I was actually planning to have it released this year. However, time constraints delayed finishing it. That part is done. Now, it's financial constraints. I wanted this next album to have both digital distribution as well as physical CD manufacturing. You can both bundled with CD Baby's distribution plan. However, I'm still saving up for that!   For my previous album, I was able to pay for it when my credit line was increased. However, this year was about paying off old debts. 

Speaking of debts ..............

3) Paying off debts

Over the years, I accumulated debts.  This year, I focused on paying them off!  Two loans got paid off this year, but I still have to pay off another loan (a student loan, that will take a while) as well as pay off revolving credit with PayPal Credit.

This year, I plan to rely less on credit while continuing to pay off debts!

Easier said than done, but it is getting a little bit easier now that I have a full-time job with benefits.

It will probably be getting slightly easier if the new union-negotiated contract gets approved early January. 

4) Two-decade anniversaries

2019 is 20 years after 1999, a special year for me. 1999 was when I graduated from high school and started college.

We had our 20th-year high school reunion in late June, which I blogged about it at

 https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/06/my-20th-year-reunion.html

Previous reunions had no drama, but this one did! As the 3rd part of that blog post noted, there was a conflict with Patsaya Mounthongdy, a drunk who hasn't matured since high school. It is excessively naive to think it's OK to "take the high road" and shrug off this situation. What we should've learned from the #metoo movement is that silence about jerks like him only makes the problems worse.

So I made this YouTube video addressing this situation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=se1i4xC1C54

And not even 24 hours after the Patsaya incident, I met with my father to talk about the letter I wrote to my parents earlier that week. Basically, that letter was addressing some of the grudges I felt towards them, especially during my high school years. After discussing what I wrote in the letter, my father broke down in tears when discussing he tried his best to help our family. He then told me that back when I was a teenager, he didn't understand my grievances, but now he understood.  I broke down too, saying that I used to look up to him as a child, but that many things have gotten in the way over the years! We then hugged, as my father was ready to go home!

Learn more at 

https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/07/emotional-sunday.html

In August, it was 2 decades since I started college at the University of Hawaii at Manoa.

I wrote this blog post about that time and how things have changed at the university (and my life and the world) since then

https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/08/2-decades-ago-i-started-college-at-uhm.html

5) My grandmother

Earlier this year, I celebrated Mother's Day and my grandmother's  91st birthday at her unit. They were joyous occasions and we were confident there would be more.

However, only a few weeks after her birthday, my grandmother was in the hospital for irregular heartbeat. She remained there until she passed away on October 30.

I wrote a memorial blog post for her

https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/11/in-memory-of-my-grandma-ramona-wegesend.html

I also wrote about her funeral here

https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/11/grandmas-funeral.html

6) Holiday season

We had our first Thanksgiving & Christmas without grandma. It took a while to get accustomed to that.  Grandma usually sat on a chair on one side of a table.  This time, we left that chair empty.

However, life does go on.  My brothers & nieces had very interesting discussions on Christmas. We had our brunch. And we watched the movie "Two Popes", a docudrama about the communications between Pope Benedict XVI and Pope Francis!

As for our family relations, ever since that conversation with dad about the letter during the summer and my grandmother's funeral, I have become more forgiving and more appreciative of my family.  

It could be a sign to a great start for 2020! 

Quiet Joy of Solitude

Sometimes, it's good to be alone!

Sometimes, it's good to be in a quiet zone.


If you're surrounded by people all the time, it's hard to develop an original thought, just because you're constantly surrounded by people giving you inputs into your head! In such situations, people tend to just repeat what they think the other people around them want to hear.

But when you're alone with your thoughts, your mind becomes more clear. You have time to process all that is in your brain without interference from anyone.

https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/quiet-time.html

We need quiet time to examine our lives openly and honestly - spending quiet time alone gives your mind an opportunity to renew itself and create order.Susan L. Taylor

Sometimes, many times, very important ideas come into my mind when I'm alone with my thoughts. 

Even something like "what is my next direction in life?"

That was the case back in 2012 when I had the day off and I was walking around and the thought appeared: "I should consider enrolling in UHM's Library & Information Science program so that I can eventually become a full-time librarian".

That thought (which I kinda sorta wished came to my mind a few years earlier) changed the trajectory of my life for the following years, leading up to this year starting a full-time library job in a public middle school.

However, it doesn't always have to be that life-altering.

Just feeling the benefits of being alone with your thoughts in a relatively quiet place is more than enough to help you psychologically. 

Being that I live alone in a studio apartment, I do have more opportunities to be alone with my thoughts than people who don't have their own room to themselves. So yes, I acknowledge that I am writing this from a privileged position. 

Even then, it's good to be outdoors and feel the fresh air when being alone with my thoughts.

I like being in public parks when there aren't that many other people around.

I like walking near streams, ponds and other bodies of flowing water when there aren't that many other people around.

And when classes aren't in session, there is peace & quiet at the University of Hawaii at Mānoa campus, which has lots of green space, is near a stream and (lucky for me) near my home. 

I'm the type that I can go days without interacting with people and it doesn't bother me.

I even like to do repetitive tasks (like organizing items) without much interaction, and it doesn't bother me. As long as there are no accidents or technical difficulties that require the assistance of someone who isn't there.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a 24-7 recluse. 

Yes, I have friends, I just don't feel the need to roll with a posse 24-7! Those who say "you don't have friends" are wusses who are afraid to be alone! 


I do like meeting new acquaintances, and I do share opinions at meetings. I also like to volunteer in the community (especially for the Friends of the Library, for whom I help out at booksales). I also like public events, including but not limited to UH sports games, nightclubs, block parties & more.

But even "The Life Of The Party" must take a break from all that and find some time to be alone with one's thoughts. 

You can learn more about the benefits of being alone with your thoughts by watching my YouTube video  "It's Good to Be Alone". The video is less than 5 minutes. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axXSRSGmaHY

"It's Good to Be Alone" 

PS: Pablo the Mad Tiger Warrior will soon have an instrumental album filled with quiet, relaxing tracks. Details coming soon!

grandma's funeral

The funeral for my grandma Ramona Wegesend took place last Friday (11/22/2019) at Borthwick Mortuary.

It was a very emotional day, much more emotional than the day I found out my grandma died (10/30/2019). 

Members of our extended ohana were there! Many who I haven't seen in years, some I haven't even seen since childhood.  Because the funeral included many members of our extended ohana, I was finally able to give updated information to people I haven't seen in years.  Some thought I was still working at places I no longer worked at.

This was the first funeral I ever attended, so much of the procedures were unfamiliar to me. Yes, I was partially informed on how it would go, but that's different from experiencing it for real.

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When I arrived, the mortuary was just opening. Slowly by slowly, more people trickled into the reception area.

At 9am was when we had the viewing of the casket grandma was in. It would be the last time we would ever see her before the casket was closed.  It was a very emotional moment for many to see the once lively woman now as a lifeless body.

At 11am, the funeral service began. My uncles did the opening statement & invocation.

Then my oldest brother Frank did the eulogy. He described her life story and his experiences growing up with her. He mentions stories of her growing up on the plantations on Kauai, then moving to Oahu while still a child.  Then I learned new information about the circumstances of grandma's first pregnancy.  I knew that grandma's oldest son (Marshall, who also died earlier this year) had a different father from the other children.  What was new information to me was when Frank said that grandma got pregnant "through no fault of her own"(not consensual). I also learned that grandma was pressured to give up that child. She refused. 

 Frank then explained what he knew about grandma raising 8 children in public housing, working as a hospital janitor and retiring. 

Frank then reflected on his experiences growing up with grandma and mentioned stories that I never heard before. He also mentioned their shared love of cooking! 

He also summarizes what we all knew about grandma: that she lived life on her own terms and refused to give up her independence even though many relatives begged her to move in with them. 

After the eulogy, it was my turn to talk. I gave a remembrance speech describing my experiences growing up with grandma.  Even though me & Frank are brothers, there is an 11-year age gap so therefore we had different experiences with grandma.  I had a speech written, though I did add a few things. 

This was the text I typed for the remembrance speech. Just note that not everything in this text was read word-for-word during the speech. 

Aloha everyone,

My name is Pablo Wegesend. I am the grandson of Ramona Wegesend, the son of her daughter Sharleen. I was born 1980, about a month after grandpa Paul William Wegesend passed away.

When I was growing up, in the 1980s, 1990s, me, my parents and brothers used to live in the same building as grandma at Lanakila Housing in Kalihi. So definitely, grandma had a very big presence in my life growing up. There was a lot of going back & forth between the units there. She spent a lot of time in my parent’s unit, and we visited her unit. My parents lived in a bigger unit, but my grandma had the bigger yard. That yard was very well known in the neighborhood, had lots of shrubs, bushes and gingers.

Growing up, me and my brother used to sleepover grandma’s unit on Saturday night, and she would bake us pancakes in Sunday morning.  Grandma would also take me on a bus ride, usually to watch a movie at Kahala Mall.

Later,  when I was about to start high school, my parents moved out of Lanakila Housing, my grandmother stayed. I wanted to stay with grandma.

Like my grandmother, I liked where we were at. Nevermind the stigma and stereotype related to public housing and Kalihi, it  was home.

. I’m not interested in suburban luxuries. I’m more interested in having some consistency and stability in my life, and staying in my community brings consistency and stability to my life.  My grandmother was the one who understood that. As far as I'm concerned, my grandmother's home was my real home.

When I was in high school. after school, I would go to grandma’s home and sometimes, sleep there overnight. I remembered grandma loved to watch Oprah in the afternoon and Joe Moore in the evening.

As an adult, I understand it could be a challenge to raise a teenage grandson in your home. But we respected each other’s personal space the best we could in such a tiny living space. As long as I cleaned up after myself, it was all good.

In my early college years, I stayed in the dorms when school was in session and sometimes stayed with grandma when school  wasn’t in session.

In 2002, when grandma could no longer walk up the hills to her apartment, she moved into another unit near Lanakila Park. No stairs but a lot more space. I stayed there a few months until I moved into my own apartment.

I encouraged my family to have more family gatherings at my grandma’s home. This year, we finally got around to it. In May, we had a Mother’s Day gathering at grandma’s home. It was to be her last Mother’s Day.

Then in August, we celebrated my grandma’s last birthday at her home.  It was her 91^st birthday. It was me, my parents and nieces. We had a good time talking story and eating brunch.

After everyone else left, I sticked around for about another hour. We talked and watched old movies.

A few weeks later, I was notified that grandma was in the hospital.  The first time I visited her, she was bed-ridden but was able to engage in conversations as normal.

Then a few weeks later, on October 15 (my birthday), I visited her in the hospital again. At this point, she was very weak and spoke very slowly.  It was the last time I saw her.

The last time I saw was a huge contrast from her very independent spirit.  Even though she was relying on a walker for years, she refused to move in with relatives who encouraged her to move in with them.  She lived life on her own terms.

The thing I loved about talking with grandma was learning about life in Hawaii before I was born, comparing how things were back then versus now. I learned about her growing up in the plantations on Kauai,  moving to Oahu as a child, being a teenager during World War 2 after the Pearl Harbor attacks, having to raise 8 children in public housing, and much more.  My grandmother represented living history to me, and now that is gone. Thanksgiving & Christmas will be coming up soon, and we will definitely feel an emptiness now that grandma will no longer be with us.

We will forever miss you, grandma Ramona Wegesend

Mahalo everyone for giving me a chance to share my thoughts on my grandmother, Ramona Wegesend. 

 Because Frank mentioned the circumstances of Marshall's conception, I mentioned in the remembrance speech that when I was a kid, I learned the birth years of our relatives, did the math and said to grandma "you had Marshall when you're only 14?" Grandma laughed about that one, but I did say in the remembrance speech that as an adult, I now understand the stigma and the struggles that teen mothers go through and that question I asked grandma is not something I would bring up in a conversation now.

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During the remembrance speech, I had to pause a few times just to give me time to keep my emotions in check in order to finish the speech. 
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After my speech, my cousin & his wife did a sign language performance of a Christian song. Then Brother James Nahinu Sr said a "plan of salvation" speech. Uncle Victor (grandma's brother) had his own impromptu remembrance speech. At last, my cousin Hamo did his Benediction speech in Spanish. 

Afterward, the family had lunch in the reception room. 

Circa 13:15, it was time to bring the casket to the limo to take it to her final resting place. 

The final resting place would be Hawaiian Memorial Park in Kaneohe.   There was some miscommunication there. Due to the delays in burial and the limo schedule (it had to leave at a certain time), I didn't get to witness the burial itself. 

======================


The funeral was a time for the extended family to come together as one as we grieved for a very special person in our lives and as we celebrated her life.

Grandma wasn't one to express self-pity, but it was still an emotional moment for us all. 

For someone who was a major presence in our lives, there will be an emptiness that will be felt come Thanksgiving and Christmas.

It will be a while before we can get over it and move on. The stages of grief is nowhere near over. 


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Bonus: a memorial video for Ramona Wegesend

https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/honolulu-hi/ramona-wegesend-8908876

In memory of my grandma Ramona Wegesend

On October 30, 2019, my grandmother Ramona Wegesend passed away. She was 91 years old and was one day away from hitting the 2 month mark past her 91st birthday

my photo

Ramona Wegesend

August 31, 1928, to October 30, 2019

When I visited her home on her 91st birthday (8/31/2019) she seemed relatively healthy. 

Just a few weeks later, she had to go to the hospital due to irregular heartbeat. The first time I visited her, she was bed-ridden but was able to engage in conversations as normal.

Then a few weeks later, on October 15 (my birthday), I visited her in the hospital again. At this point, she was very weak and incoherent.  It was the last time I saw her. 

The last time I saw was a huge contrast from her very independent spirit.  Even though she was relying on a walker for years, she refused to move in with relatives who encouraged her to move in with them.  She lived life on her own terms. 

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Early life

My grandmother was born Ramona Caban on August 31, 1928 on the island of Kauai. She was a descendant of Puerto Rican immigrants who came to work on Hawaii's sugar plantations in the early 1900's.  She grew up at a time when  the plantation workers lived in segregated ethnic camps (ie one camp for Filipinos, another for Japanese, Portuguese, etc.)

When she still a young girl, her family moved to the island of Oahu. More specifically, the family moved to the Lanakila section of Kalihi. While most of the family eventually moved out of that neighborhood, my grandmother remained there for the rest of her life.

My grandmother was 13 years old when the Pearl Harbor attacks happened.  That's only a few miles from where she was living. After that, Hawaii was under martial law. My grandmother would tell me stories about living under all those restrictions (ie. have to carry a gas mask everywhere, all windows had to be painted black, all lights had to be off at night).

Parenthood

Only a few years later, my grandmother would have the 1st of 8 children. That would be my uncle Marshall, who died earlier this year. 

https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/09/in-memory-of-uncle-marshall.html

from that blog post

My grandmother had him in her early teen years. I bring that up, because when I was a kid, I learned all the birth years of my relatives and from that, I did the math.  My grandma still laughs about the time I brought that up to her. I was still a kid when I asked her about that, though now as an adult who is aware about the traumas and stigma that teen mothers face, I wouldn't bring that issue up unless they bring it up first. 

My grandmother had a few more sons: William (Puddy), Gordon, Patrick, Warren,  and then she finally had a daughter Sharleen. That would be my mother!  Then she had another daughter, Linda and a last son & child Michael. 

The father of most of those kids was William Paul Wegesend, a man of Portuguese & German ancestry. That would be where my last name come from. He died about a month before I was born.  Because of that circumstance, I was much more connected to my Puerto Rican side than I was to the German-Portuguese side. 


Ramona Wegesend and William Paul Wegesend divorced while my mother was still growing up, but my grandmother continued to use her ex's last name until the very end.

(an obituary for William Paul Wegesend as posted on the Honolulu Star-Bulletin. My grandmother's name wasn't mentioned they already divorced, but my mother's name is listed as one of his surviving children) https://www.newspapers.com/clip/15867834/william_paul_wegesend_obituary/



For much of the time, my grandmother raised all 8 children while living in public housing, being a single parent for some of that time. But poverty was no excuse for her;  if any of her kids brought a toy they found in the park, she would demand that they put it back (or else, hint, hint, hint) because it's not yours.  

My grandmother grew up in a time when higher education wasn't accessible to women in her situation. She worked as a janitor at a hospital. 

 She never learned how to drive and relied on public transportation.  The same is still true for me.  We're just not car people. 

Becoming my grandparent

Her children eventually branched out, some moving off-island, some moving to the other side of the island. 

It was my mother who took the most care for my grandmother. For much of the time when we were growing up, my parents and my grandmother were living in the same building in Lanakila Housing. Of all of her grandchildren, me and my brothers were the closest ones to her. 

Like my grandmother, my mother had her first child (that would be my oldest brother Frank) while she was still a teenager.  My mother's relationship with Frank's father didn't last long, so it was basically my grandmother had to help raise Frank. My father eventually joined in and made me and my other brother Ramiro.

When we were children, me and my brother would go to grandmother's house to sleepover  Saturday night and she would make pancakes Sunday morning. It was one of my most precious memories of childhood. 

Even though my parent's home (in the same building) had much more space inside, it was grandma that had the bigger yard.  The yard was her pride & joy where she maintained the shrubs, grass, gingers & more.  The yard has gotten major praise from our neighbors. 

Parents moved, grandma stayed

In 1995, when I was a few months away from high school, my parents had to leave Lanakila Housing because their income was too high to remain in a public housing complex meant for low-income residents.

There were many places nearby that my parents could rent. However, they wanted to be so-called "homeowners" (actually, they signed a long-term mortgage, making their lives owned by the bank, so much for "home ownership")  and the houses they could afford were on the other side of the island.

My parents left Lanakila Housing, my grandmother stayed.  I wanted to stay with my grandmother. 

Like my grandmother, I liked where we were at, despite the stigma and stereotype related to public housing and Kalihi. It was home.

My parents' decision to move to the other side of the island created a rift within my family that took decades to heal. 

I'd rather stay in a small unit with my grandmother in the ghetto with no cable TV ( this at a time when MTV actually played music videos back then and YouTube didn't exist yet) and sleep on the floor than to live with my parents in a house with middle-class comforts. 

As far as I'm concerned, my grandmother's home was my real home, not my parent's house on the other side of the island. 

 I used my grandmother's address when enrolling at McKinley High School since it was in the school's district.  I preferred that school because my friends were there, and that school's location was just perfect (near downtown, Ala Moana & more). 

The school's registrar said at assemblies to use our parent's address. I encouraged my parents to move back to avoid violating that policy. They refused. This caused major tension with my parents that took decades to heal.  It was only this year (2019) for my father to say "back then I didn't understand how you felt, but now I do"

Learn more at https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/07/emotional-sunday.html


Near the end of high school, I stayed in my grandma's unit full time.  It was where I was supposed to be.

I understand that it could be a challenge to raise a teenage grandson in your home. But we respected each other's personal space the best we could in such a tiny living space. As long as I cleaned up after myself, it was all good. 

During that time, she loved to watch Oprah in the afternoon and watch Joe Moore's newscast in the evening.  We would be talking about what we saw and share ideas.

My grandmother since I became an adult.

My grandmother's former unit required climbing a lot of stairs.  But circa September 2002, she was getting to the point where she couldn't do it so easily anymore. So she moved to another unit on the other side of School Street.  Not only was it easier to walk into, it was a much bigger unit with 2 bedrooms even though she was the only full-time resident. At the time, I was in college spending most of the year in the dorms (which I didn't really like that much) but I did move in for a while in the summer of 2003 before I moved into my own apartment. 

However, around the time of her moving into her new unit, my grandmother lost one of her sons, who I call Uncle Patrick.  He was very close to both my grandmother and my mother. 

my blog post on Uncle Patrick
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2017/09/uncle-patrick-15-years-later.html



My grandmother continued to reach some milestones.

We had the 80th birthday celebration in 2008 at Buffet 100 with the extended family.

For her 85th birthday celebration in 2014, we had a smaller gathering at the 100 Sails Restaurant in Hawaii Prince Hotel.


For her 90th birthday, my grandmother had a very low-key gathering. So low-key that I found out too late.

Then on Saturday, August 31, 2019, we celebrated her final birthday at her unit. It was me, my parents, my nieces (their parents work on Saturdays).  We had brunch and many conversations. My nieces learned the hardships that women of my grandmother's generation had to go through. The nieces felt grateful they lived in more gender-equitable times, even though they complained their father (my brother) puts restrictions on going out, and I spilled the beans about the freedom their father had when he was their age. (sorry brother, had to keep it real).


Afterward, my parents and nieces left grandmother's home, but I stayed and talked with grandma!  We talked about our lives now as well as her experiences before I was born. At the same time, we were watching old movies from before my time. That was her favorite thing to watch. 

Life after grandmother

On the morning of October 30, I got a phone call from my brother around 6:20 when I was at the bus stop. 

At that point, it was expected. She was in the hospital for weeks and it was time. 

Last Saturday (11/02/2019), me, my parents, my brother, nieces and some uncles & more came to what was my grandmother's home to clear it out.  


I inherited a stereo and a TV. I also took some canned food, towels, a scale, fan & a few other items. Other stuff went to other relatives or to her neighbors. Others had to placed in the dumpster. 

Some relatives came & went during this time. Then my father delivered some Zip-Pacs for what would most likely be my last meal at grandma's unit. 


The funeral is coming up later this month. It will likely be a major gathering of many generations in our family tree coming together. I will probably see relatives that I haven't seen in years.

Thanksgiving & Christmas will be coming up soon, and we will definitely feel an emptiness now that grandma will no longer be with us. The thing I loved about talking with grandma was learning about life in Hawaii before I was born, comparing how things were back then versus now. My grandmother represented living history to me, and now that is gone.

😢

coming soon to this blog

I'll be writing a post in memory of my grandmother who passed away October 30th.  Not sure when that blog post will be finished and posted. Stay tuned!

1 more year until I'm 40

Today, I'm officially 39 years old.

One more year until I hit the 4-decade mark! 

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It's a weekday and I'm working. I won't be doing anything extravagant tonight, just having my favorite meal (fried rice with scrambled eggs at Kapiolani Coffee Shop) for dinner. 

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As for personal milestones, this year, I finally found a "permanent"  full-time job working in a library.

This is actually the first full-time "permanent" position I ever had. Yes, in my late 30's. Until then, all I had were part-time jobs, substitute positions, and temporary full-time gigs. It's not like I was slacking this whole time.

Good news is that I finally have a position that has full-time salary, union membership & benefits.

Though to be real, I no longer have much time off from work.  Whereas in the past, when I was a substitute teacher, on the days when there was no work available, I was able to 

• stay home and work on my blogs, my music, my art ,etc
• stay home and organize my items that have been accumulating
• have bike adventures
• go to the YMCA
• go to the libraries as a visit
• do other stuff
• or just be lazy

Because I'm now working full-time, my production on my blogs and my music have slowed down. 

I'm still working on my next album of instrumentals. This album will be slow, relaxing music. Most of the songs are done, I'm just editing them for volume & other things. I also have yet to start on my album art.  Finding time to do them has been a struggle and that's why it's taking longer than I predicted. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to have the opportunity to have my full-time position, I just have to adjust to the scheduling of full-time work. 

My current position is at a library at a public middle school. I enjoy organizing items there as well as helping the students. As for communication from staff, let's just say it's a work in progress. Lots of adjustments & transitions in a short time.

How long I plan on being in my current position? I'm keeping my options open. I am interested in getting a library position that pays more but still within reasonable distance from my home.   That might take a while.

=====

Being in my late 30's is also a monumental time in taking stock of family relations.

I'm not really a family-oriented person, and much of that is due to situations that occurred during adolescence.  Yes, I recognize that many people had situations worse than mines, but I'm also not someone who forgives easily.  Holding grudges? More like grudges hold me. 

Well, anyways you can read more details in a blog post I wrote in July.
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/07/emotional-sunday.html

Did you click on that link and read the post? No? Go back & read it.

It's been a few months since I wrote that post. It was a major relief to have those discussions with my father, who took longer than my mother to understand my grievances.

Since then, my parents have provided a lot of help to me, the type of help that most adults don't get from their parents. 

Also, since that blog post, me, my parents & my nieces all gathered at my grandma's home to celebrate her 91st birthday. We had many wonderful conversations. I remained at my grandma's home after everyone else left and we had some wonderful conversations as we watched some old movies from her generation. 

A few weeks later, my grandma was in hospital for a medical condition and I visited her and had another wonderful conversation.

I just found out she is back in the hospital. Not sure how much longer she'll be there.

Being that I'm 39 and my parents in their late 60's and my grandma is 91, it is time to cherish whatever time we have left together. 

================

Don't tell me not to tell

When something inappropriate happens, I will tell the proper authorities.

You can't just let problems grow just because you're worried about being called a "snitch" or a "tattler".   You have to do what you can to solve a problem, and if asking for help is what you need to do, then do it! 

Some people think that confronting me about telling on them will make think twice about telling on them.

Yeah, I thought twice, and then I told on them a 2nd time! 

I refuse to be intimidated by the "no snitching, no tattling" mentality, I refuse to be a part of a "blue wall of silence". 

Don't like being told on, then don't do inappropriate things! Be mad at yourself!

=======

Now if it's a case of unjust laws, I'm not going to help authorities crack down on those who defy unjust laws.  

I think certain "minor sins" by consenting adults (ie gambling, smoking, sex work, use of plastic items, etc) should STAY LEGAL, so I will not report those things to law enforcement.

============

Tekashi69 is getting ridiculed online for "snitching". That ridicule isn't because he's some innocent bystander who wants to protect the community, the ridicule is because he was involved in criminal activities, promoting a thuggish image and went online and said "Don't test my gangsta". Well, his "gangsta" got tested by the feds and he backed down, taking a plea deal for leniency on the condition that he tell the truth about the criminal activities he and his associates were involved with. 

========

Back in 2007, rapper Camron was interviewed on 60 Minutes on a segment about the "no snitching" mentality

 http://www.cbsnews.com/news/stop-snitchin/


 Camron survived a car robbery attempt, but refused to talk to the cops about what happened! Cooper asked Camron if a serial killer moved next door, would you tell the cops. Camron said "I'll just move".

That got so much controversy, that even gangsta rap legend Ice-T criticized Camron. Ice-T said if you know someone who had a bomb about to board a plane, you shouldn't just say "I'm just not going on the plane", you should tell the authorities right away! Ice-T then said that if you're involved in a crime and you tell on your partners, that's snitching. He then  said it's NOT snitching if you tell the police about somebody raping little girls, you're supposed to tell the police. 
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HHptNp5F7E



After that, Camron had to apologize to crime victims in general for sounding insensitive to those who reported crimes to the police!
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/04/19/60minutes/main2704565.shtml?tag=currentVideoInfo;segmentTitle

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In memory of Uncle Marshall

On August 27th of this year, my uncle Marshall Caban has passed away due to illness. He was 2 days away from turning 76.


He was an uncle from my mother's side of the family and he had my grandmother's maiden name. He was the oldest of 8 children. 

My grandmother had him in her early teen years. I bring that up, because when I was a kid, I learned all the birth years of my relatives and from that, I did the math.  My grandma still laughs about the time I brought that up to her. I was still a kid when I asked her about that, though now as an adult who is aware about the traumas and stigma that teen mothers face, I wouldn't bring that issue up unless they bring it up first. 

Uncle Marshall grew up in Hawaii, but as an adult, moved to Indiana. He occasionally visited Hawaii so I was able to meet and talk with him.  He was a very nice man. 

He spent many years working at a salon. It was his pride & joy. However, as he got ill, he could no longer be able to stand for long periods of time or deal with all the chemicals being used. 

In his last few years, he was living in a care home. 

We will miss you Uncle Marshall.

===========

A link to Marshall Caban's obituary
https://www.bartholomewnewhard.com/notices/Marshall-Caban

2 decades ago, I started college at UHM

2 decades ago today, I started attending the University of Hawaii at Mānoa (UHM) as a freshman fresh out of high school.

The first day is memorable because during my first class of the day (Sociology 100), the professor Dr. Peter Manicas was doing what he's known for, walking all over the lecture hall in a loud manner and he was going up to people at random, this day talking into a female's face.  Later it turned out he also did this to male students, like he did one time to one of the men's basketball players, with his teammates laughing at him. 


Needless to say, Dr. Manicas probably wouldn't have lasted if he was still teaching in the #metoo era. He passed away in 2015.

(previous blog posts mentioning Dr. Manicas)
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2016/02/in-memory-of-dr-peter-manicas-1934-2015.html
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/04/joe-biden-and-personal-space.html



Some of the freshmen (me being one of them) chose to be a part of the small learning communities which we shared a few classes. Later on the first day of school, we all met together in the Campus Center Ballroom. 

It took a while to decide on a major being that I entered the university without having a specific career path in mind (which many would advise against now being that there's more awareness of the perils of college debt), but I did eventually settle on sociology (yes, the subject of the crazy professor) because that was the most interesting subject there is. 

Basically, much of the time as an undergraduate student was basically stalling for time until I have to enter "the real world".

College did have its perks including the big libraries (which I spent some time as a student employee), the cafeterias, sports games,  parties, campus controversies and much more! 

The Campus: Then & Now

Being that I still live near the campus, I can pin-point what has changed on the campus since Fall 1999.

For example, the area around Campus Center has changed. There used to be a small building that housed the school's newspaper (the Ka Leo O Hawaii, which has since moved to Hemenway Hall), the printing press, and other small buildings. Much of that has since been replaced by the big gym (opened in 2014), a small grass field, and other structures.. 

The first floor of Campus Center once included a gameroom and a Taco Bell. Both are now gone. Taco Bell has been replaced by Stir Fresh. 

Also within the Campus Center is the bookstore. Still there! What I did notice when I first visited there was a huge section for magazines. I was fascinated. However, the magazine industry drastically declined in the last 2 decades due to competition from the internet. The last time I visited the bookstore, I don't even think I even saw a magazine section.   

Hamilton Library was still going through its expansion, with the Addition (where the science section & the archives currently are) opened in 2001.  The flood would come in 2004, basically damaging the basement (where the Library & Information Science program is located).

Sinclair Library had the computer lab where the Honors program is currently located. At the time, computers were using floppy disks. The computer lab has since modernized and moved to a different section of the library. The Sinclair Library is currently going through another transition, with its music books and audio-visual collection moving to Hamilton Library. Sinclair Library is being repurposed into being more of a collaborative study space instead of a repository of information formats. Hamilton Library will remain the repository of information formats as well as a quiet study space. 

Not far from the Hamilton Library was Henke Hall, Edmonson Hall, and Snyder Hall.  Edmonson Hall was recently renovated. Henke Hall was recently torn down to make way for a new Life Science Building. Snyder Hall will likely be renovated once the new Life Science Building is done. 

Being a sociology major, the department headquarters is in Saunders Hall. When I started at UHM, the building was called the Social Science Building, which was its temporary name after people protested its previous name Porteus Hall, named after a social scientist whose writings include racist stereotypes.  The building became Saunders Hall in 2001, named after a married couple/social scientists Allan & Marion Suanders who advocated for racial equality.

Articles on Porteus Hall name controversy

“Saunders Hall (Porteus Hall),” University of Hawaii,
http://libweb.hawaii.edu/names/porteus.html.

Editorials (Rename Porteus Hall),” Honolulu Star-Bulletin, November 25, 1997,
http://archives.starbulletin.com/97/11/25/editorial/editorials.html


The following link is for an article paying tribute to the couple for whom Saunders Hall is named

Richard H. Kosaki, “Allan Saunders Helped Shape Modern Hawai'i,” Honolulu Advertiser, April 21, 2002, 
http://the.honoluluadvertiser.com/article/2002/Apr/21/op/op06a.html





Just south of Bilger Hall were portables that have since moved out of the way to make room for a modernized Information Technology building that opened in 2014.  Before that, the I.T. department was headquartered in Keller Hall, a building still in need of modernization. 

As for the dorms, Frear Hall as we know it now didn't yet exist. The Frear Hall that was there was a smaller building that was shut down for years. It has since been replaced a taller, more modernized dormitory building.

The other dorms are still either being renovated or soon to be renovated. Some people called the dorms "the ghetto", which I thought was ridiculous because I actually lived in a public housing complex before living in the dorms. 

Entering the New Millennium, Joining the Internet Age 

When I entered the university, the world was going through a major transition. The new millennium was only a few months away. Y2K was coming. But more importantly, the internet revolution has recently begun.

The internet started to become mainstream when I was in high school. However, I never had it at home and I rarely ever used it at school.  I even told a few friends in my senior year that "I don't give a f--- about the internet".

When I was looking forward to college, my mind was thinking about reading lots of books, whether it was textbooks or doing independent research by searching through the library stacks. The computer was going just be for typing papers and using the library catalog to find books.

Email? Never used it in high school at all! (note: Email was still a new thing to the general public back then) When I entered UHM, the university provided me my first email address. I had to ask for help in learning how to use it.  When I found out that my friends also had email addresses, I learned that it was much more convenient than calling them on the phone. Email was a better way to share information with friends than trying to call them, hoping they had time to talk now.  (note: this was years before texting & smartphones became part of mainstream life)

What really got me into using the internet was people that I met through a print publication. The school's newspaper,  Ka Leo O Hawaii (aka the Ka Leo) used to have an edgy opinion section, and I wanted to join in the fun. Before college, I hardly read opinion articles in the newspaper, now I became addicted.  I joined Ka Leo to write opinion articles. One of the writers I've met introduced to his high school friend who went to HPU (Hawaii Pacific University), and they both sent me links to even more interesting opinion articles on the internet. THAT was what got me hooked to the internet.  A few years later, while still attending UHM, I learned about Blogger, an online platform that I'm using now to write this blog. 

Expanding the Social Circle

I wasn't ready to leave high school. Academically, I did well enough to graduate and gain admittance to the university. But socially was a different story. I really wanted another year! I always felt like I could've done more in high school if I had a little more time.

Right before high school, my parents moved house to a different part of the island, and I used my grandma's home address to attend the high school where my friends are.  This required a lot of commuting and evasiveness. It was only until the 4th quarter of my final year that I lived in my grandma's home full time. So I felt like I really didn't get a chance to do many things. Don't get me wrong, I did pep rallies and talent shows in my senior year, but I felt I could've done even more. 

Well, anyways, when I went to UHM, I was spending more time thinking about "what could've been" instead of looking at the possibilities right before me.  I spent too much time comparing UHM to high school rather than just appreciating college for what it is. 

I did stay in the dorms for the first few years at UHM.  Had my parents not move to the other side of the island, I would've stayed at home (just like my oldest brother) while attending UHM. 

I did meet a lot of interesting people while living in the dorms, but I was happy to leave the dorms when my parents found an off-campus studio apartment. 

I wrote more on this topic  in the following articles from the Ka Leo

Pablo Wegesend, “Former Dormer Asserts Views,” Ka Leo O Hawaii, September 30, 2003,
http://www.manoanow.org/former-dormer-asserts-views/article_c6de34b4-b34d-52c7-8453-67402b360dc0.html

Pablo Wegesend, “UH Needs Additional One-Man Rooms,” Ka Leo O Hawaii, June 3, 2004
(note: editors chose the title without consulting me, I referred to the rooms in the article as "one-person rooms", not "one-man rooms" 
http://www.manoanow.org/uh-needs-additional-one-man-rooms/article_5851b5cc-eaac-5647-9057-4232dd7c17bb.html

Pablo Wegesend, “Student Housing Policy Troubled,” Ka Leo O Hawaii, October 8, 2003
http://www.manoanow.org/student-housing-policy-troubled/article_f0331c92-35e3-5b1b-90de-2d5335d32d0c.html

and from my blog posts
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/07/one-decade-in-my-apartment.html
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2018/07/15-years-at-my-apartment.html 




Whether it was people I met in the dorms, in class, or just anywhere on campus, it was an exposure to even more diversity.  

Yes, my high school (McKinley High School) was diverse in that it had more immigrants than any other school in Hawaii. It was an inner-city school with people from low-income housing as well as expensive condos. 

But at UHM, I met students from the more rural areas of Hawaii. My first roommate was from Hana, a small town in an isolated part of Maui. 

There were also students from the local suburbs as well as the private schools. 

We also had many students from the continental US, with high proportions coming from Oregon and Washington (the state). Obviously, most of them were European-Americans.  Going to school with that many European-Americans was a new experience for me (even though I have a German last name), and for  many of them, it was the first time many had experienced being in the minority.  There were also people of non-European ancestries from the continental US too, some being African-American & Latino, while others being Asian or Pacific Islander, and therefore mistaken as being from Hawaii. That was interesting because even though I've only lived in Hawaii, many at UHM assumed I was from California. 

Being that Hawaii is in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, UHM also attracted many international students, mostly from Asia and the Pacific Islands, but also some from every continent. Classmates included a water polo player from the Netherlands, basketball players from Canada & Nigeria, as well as a woman who moved from Egypt to Brazil to Hawaii. 


==================

Colleges are known for parties, especially at the dorms. Even though I was the life of the party during my senior year in high school, I didn't do much parties in the early years in college. I refused to drink alcoholic beverages, and therefore wanted no part of whatever keg parties existed.  The only on-campus parties I attended were the dance parties held at the cafeteria near the dorms. No alcohol served, just some music to enjoy.  As for clubbing, I did some of that, but I think I did much more after I was done with my undergrad years at UHM.

When it comes to drinking, to each their own. I chose not to do it, and I'd rather not preach to those who aren't receptive to it. However, one of the first few friends I made at UHM was a drunk who wanted me to join in his drinking. Needless to say, that friendship didn't last that long. 

======================

My 1st job

Unlike my older brothers and some of my friends, I didn't have a job during high school.

I started applying for part-time jobs during the summer after high school. In August, I landed a temporary position as a student helper at the McCully-Mo'ili'ili Public Library.  Basically, I shelved books. It was a wonderful experience with wonderful people.  The library was also biking distance from UHM. 

However, the temp position ended that December. I later landed part-time positions at UHM's Hamilton Library as well as the Library for the Blind & Physically Handicapped (LBPH). 

Campus Controversies

During my freshman year, I would pick up the Ka Leo and notice the many controversies on campus.  Some of it involved student activists being at odds with the administration over proposed tuition hikes, perceived Western bias & more. The university system president at the time, Kenneth Mortimer, wasn't a charismatic person and therefore was an easy target for criticism.

Some of the controversies at Ka Leo were self-inflicted as the opinion writers wrote edgy articles that got a lot of angry reaction. I eventually joined in as one of the opinion writers and I got some controversy as well.

But the most controversial writer of all was Lance Collins. He was a very eccentric person who wrote funny edgy articles. I actually enjoyed them even though he was much more far to the Left than I was. 

Collins was in the most interesting controversy of my freshman year when he got into a loud argument with a professor (Dr. Loren Gautz) at a forum over the proposed changes to the core requirements. Collins felt the current curriculum was too Eurocentric, the professor disagreed. It got to the point where Collins yelled at the professor "f--- you, you racist pig", and the professor unbuckled his belt and yelled, "you want to f--- me, I'll f--- you right now, let's f---". This was before the smartphone era. If it happened now, the incident would've definitely be recorded & gone viral.

(note: Ka Leo's website doesn't archive articles written before 2001, so all I can link to was a Star-Bulletin article that was nowhere near as detailed as was written in the Ka Leo.) 

Susan Kreifels, “U.H. Faculty Favor More Diversity: The Proposal Follows a Confrontation between a Gay Student and Professor,” Honolulu Star-Bulletin, November 18, 1999,
http://archives.starbulletin.com/1999/11/18/news/story10.html


I later found out that the year before, Collins wrote an article ridiculing the football team for losing, getting special treatment and for their alleged intellectual weakness. He was later confronted by angry players.

Collins left Ka Leo for a while, then came back as an editor of the Opinions section.  Despite his reputation, he wasn't that hard to deal with. He allowed us to be edgy & eccentric, he only had to ask me to rewrite when the word count was over the limit. 

UH Athletics & School Spirit

When I was in high school, UH was known for its great volleyball teams, decent mid-major basketball teams and a junk football team that went 0-12 in 1998

My first semester at UHM coincided with June Jones first year as the head football coach. Things were about to change for the better. 

The June Jones era started with a loss to Southern California (with future Heisman winner Carson Palmer), but when the team won the next game (versus Eastern Illinois), everyone said: "UH finally won a game".

The team went 9-4, beat our rival Fresno State and won a bowl game (versus Oregon State).  You could definitely feel a rise in school spirit as the season went on! 

The following year, the team got rid of its "Rainbow Warriors" nickname because June Jones felt that rainbows have become a "gay symbol" and that it hurt recruiting.

In 2013, the Rainbow Warrior name came back.

I wrote about that issue in the following blog posts
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/02/uh-sports-nicknames.html
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-rainbows-are-back.html

Life after the Fall 1999 semester

I went on to become a sociology major and graduated in Fall 2004. I went beyond the stereotypical 4 years to finish my bachelor's degree because it took a while before I declared my major and it took a while for me to fulfill all my core requirements. Part of it was I took some classes I didn't really need just because I was interested.  Also, part of it was I still was trying to figure out my post-college plans.

I could've continued on as a graduate student, but at that point, I felt I needed a break from being a student. 

One of my classmates who graduated a year before me became a substitute teacher. In Hawaii, you only need a bachelor's degree (in any subject) to become a substitute teacher. So I went that route for 13 years.

Within that time, I figured that I need to do something else in my life. I was at a crossroads. Since I was working at schools, I was seriously considering becoming a full-time teacher. Then I remembered the times working at libraries when I was a UHM student.  What do I do? There are more teaching positions out there, but full-time teaching comes with more stress. If I enjoyed working at libraries as a part-time worker before, I might as well pursue becoming a full-time library worker.

So in the summer of 2012, I applied to return back to UHM to pursue a degree in Library & Information Science (LIS), which I started in Spring 2013. I finished in Fall 2015. My experiences as a graduate student in LIS was very different from being a UHM student fresh out of high school. I'll explain more in future posts.

Now, I'm a Library Assistant at a public middle school. Happy to land a full-time library position, but I do eventually want to move on to either a public or university library in the future. 

Who knows, maybe one day, I'll be back at UHM as a full-time library employee.  Staff can take classes with a tuition waiver, so being a student again is a possibility.  We'll see!

Go Rainbow Warriors!