Some people love the close contact, other people hate it!
Some people will only allow close contact from a select few, everyone else has to step back.
And of course, surprise touch will definitely startle a person much more than an expected touch!
Also depends on the mood!
During a college field trip to a special library, one woman grabbed my shoulder to pull me closer to the group to take a picture. I was so annoyed at such a surprise "attack" that I told her "get your hands off me". My reaction had NOTHING to do with her looks. If I was near the same woman at the nightclub and she had gently pulled me closer to dance, I would've been super-mega-happy to get closer.
It's all about context!
In another situation, as I was sitting in a dining room, one woman I have never met before come from behind me to "fix" my shirt's collar WITHOUT WARNING! I was annoyed and told her to get away from me! Because it was basically a surprise attack! Had she asked politely, I would've politely either said "yes" or "I can do it myself".
Even girls invade boys personal space
But I've also been the one who should've been more respectful of other people's personal space.
At nightclubs, I've gotten too close to women who didn't appreciate it (mostly because I got too close when they didn't see me coming).
As a young adult, I had poked the sides of young females who didn't like it! I even had to apologize to a few.
I mentioned these types of situations from a previous blog post
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2018/02/comments-on-metoo-social-awkwardness.html
As a teen, I noticed that the more popular boys would poke girls on the side, and teased the girls which got them giggling. I was thinking "this is how you get chicks". I tried that and usually got disastrous results. Lost the respect of some girls. Others giggled when they asked me to stop the pokes/jokes, and they later accepted my facebook requests. I still wonder if they think I'm a hypocrite when I posted links to blogs/articles about sexual harassment. Too afraid to ask!
and
At the nightclubs, some women will intentionally rub their rears against a men standing near them. Mentioning this isn't "slut-shaming" or "blaming women", it's reality! It's a fun reality if you're a man into that kind of thing! And yes, those women do enjoy the man "taking the bait".
However, sometimes women will start dancing and shaking her booty without noticing that a man is behind her! The man might think"ooh, this girl is near me, that means she wants me to bump & grind her. After all, the last time I was at this club, another woman did intentionally rubbed her rear on my front and enjoyed it, so this woman wants the same". But it turns out this woman dancing in front of him really doesn't know he's behind her, and he's now rubbing his front on her rear and ............. oh, oh, BIG MISTAKE on HIS part! The girl gets freaked out, walks away and her friends give that man a hostile glare!
And yes, the 2 different situations in the 2 previous paragraphs happened with me. That's why at the club, I have to make sure the woman knows I'm near before I make any moves. If I'm not sure she knows I'm near, I'll just take a few steps back to avoid contact and awkward situations.
As for close contact with men, I usually rather not. Hugs at graduations, funerals or other special occasions are fine with me! So are hugs between long-lost friends and relatives. Handshakes and fist bumps are cool too!
However, there have been times when other males put their arms on my shoulders out of friendship and I instantly reacted with "get your hands off me". I later felt guilty of having homophobic reactions towards something that wasn't even done with homosexual intent!
There was one case when I was working at Macy's during Christmas season when a male co-worker was playing with my Santa hat when I was doing a cash transaction. I snapped at him saying "get your hands off me". He later apologized. But the thing was, if he did it on our break, it wouldn't be a problem. But doing it when I'm doing serious business, that's a problem. It's all about context.
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And now on to Joe Biden.
Joe Biden has been known to physically embrace people. That's how he bonds with people.
There have been videos that show him giving shoulder rubs and face squeezes to women at official events. Those videos are often presented with a tone of "ha ha, look at Joe Biden"
But only recently do we hear from some of the women about how they felt about such close contacts.
It all started when Lucy Flores, a female politician from Nevada expressed discomfort about the time Joe Biden came from behind unexpectedly, sniffed her hair and planted a small kiss on the back of her head.
Lucy Flores, “An Awkward Kiss Changed How I Saw Joe Biden,” The Cut, March 29, 2019,
https://www.thecut.com/2019/03/an-awkward-kiss-changed-how-i-saw-joe-biden.html.
However, not all women felt the same way about Joe Biden's physical contact.
Some even loved it.
For example, Stephanie Carter was at a ceremony for her husband's appointment to Secretary of Defense when Joe Biden gave her a shoulder rub. Carter was a longtime friend of Biden and felt comforted by the shoulder rub.
Isaac Stanley-Becker, “Biden grasped a cabinet official’s wife, and the photo went viral. Now, she says everyone had it wrong.,” Washington Post, April 1, 2019,
https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/04/01/biden-grasped-cabinet-officials-wife-photo-went-viral-now-she-says-everyone-had-it-wrong/?noredirect=on.
She was troubled, too. But not by her interaction with the vice president, as she affirmed in a Medium essay published on Sunday. Instead, she resented how a tender moment between friends was reduced to a single misleading image, caught in the maw of online punditry. In the essay, titled “The #MeToo Story That Wasn’t Me," she recounted how the vice president had whispered his thanks into her ear and “kept his hands on my shoulders as a means of offering his support.”
and
But the new testimony from Carter raises questions about how much those viral visuals capture, and how much they may leave out.Carter, who works in venture capital marketing, stressed that she wasn’t disputing the experience described by Flores.“Let me state upfront that I don’t know her, but I absolutely support her right to speak her truth and she should be, like all women, believed,” she affirmed of Flores. “But her story is not mine. The Joe Biden in my picture is a close friend helping someone get through a big day, for which I will always be grateful.”
To sum it up, some women liked Biden being "up close & personal", others didn't. What bothers one person might not bother the other. Men (me included) sometimes get confused by this!
But instead of getting frustrated by the confusion, we shall understand that each person is an individual and to respect each individual's preference and apologize if we mess up!
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Some female writers have claimed that Joe Biden wouldn't be so quick to do physical embraces with men.
But he is, as this meme showing Joe Biden putting his hand on the knee of a male police officer.
meme from "Robertson Family Values" facebook page
https://www.facebook.com/568187893258350/photos/rpp.568187893258350/2117209481689509/?type=3&theater
Jonah Goldberg expressed this interesting point about why Joe Biden gets close to people.
Jonah Goldberg, “The Heat On Biden May Be Politically Driven,” Townhall, April 5, 2019,
https://townhall.com/columnists/jonahgoldberg/2019/04/05/the-heat-on-biden-may-be-politically-driven-n2544297.
Biden's touching is part charm offensive, part power move. It's a way to make a human connection. It's also a way to signal that he has the social authority to invade your personal space. It's of a piece with his belief that everyone should feel fortunate to listen to him spend an hour offering a few brief comments.
It does remind me of this one sociology professor at UH-Mānoa, Dr Peter Manicas. Like Joe Biden, Manicas was a loud proud progressive. Also like Joe Biden, Manicas does get really close to people, both males and females. Manicas wasn't much of a toucher, but he will get close, partly as a way to establish a personal connection, but also partly as a way to assert dominance of the conversation.
Manicas did pass away a few years ago, and I did write a blog post about him when I learned about his death.
"In Memory of Dr Peter Manicas"
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2016/02/in-memory-of-dr-peter-manicas-1934-2015.html
My first day as a UH student was memorable in itself. I remember my 1st class, Sociology 100. The professor was Dr Manicas, but people called him Maniacs (notice the a & c switched places in his name)! In the 1st day, he was already running around the classroom and yelling into people's faces at random! The 1st day, he was talking into a girl's face, but gender didn't even matter. I remember the same professor getting into one of the men's basketball players face, and his teammate was laughing at him!
Lord knows what might've happened to Manicas had he still be teaching during the rise of the #metoo movement! I'm not accusing him of being a sexual predator but his silly antics and personal space issues could easily be taken the wrong way.
And that's the thing, one wrong interpretation can get you in trouble. So it's best to respect personal space and apologize if you got too close for the other person's comfort.
