My previous blog posts on this
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2024/10/my-experience-with-jaundice-and.html
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2024/10/coming-home-from-hospital-and-road-to.html
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2024/11/more-health-drama-in-late-october.html
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2024/11/nausea-drama-for-early-november.html
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2024/11/wish-me-luck-this-black-friday.html
and the most recent one (published December 10, 2024)
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2024/12/black-friday-in-hospital-and-early.html
In that one, I mentioned about increased vomiting and decreased appetite
Well on the following day (that would be December 11, 2024), my dad paid a brief visit to my apartment. He later told my mom he noted significant weight loss. My mom called me urgently and told me to call my GI doctors and let them know what's going on.
First, I called the Kaiser GI team and left them a message.
I also called Dr Small (who did the 10/24/2024 and 11/29/2024 at Pali Momi) and left a voicemail.
The Kaiser's GI team called back and asked for information about my current medical condition.
Around the same time, Dr Small called and say "hey, come to the hospital tomorrow morning for another procedure"
So on the following day (12/13/2024), my dad drove me to Pali Momi Medical Center. At first, it was vitals and IV's from the nurses. Then Dr Small told me he'll be checking the pseudocyst near the pancreas and the stents that were previously placed from the pseudocyst to my stomach. For that procedure, i was put to sleep.
After I woke up from the procedure, I was notified that the pseudocyst near my pancreas was still draining into my stomach, and the stuff being drained out was contributing to my vomiting.
I originally assumed I would remain at the hospital overnight, but the doctors felt it was safe enough for me to go home the same day.
Dr Small encouraged me to continue with the liquid diet and to also add protein drinks to the liquid diet. So my parents bought me the Ensure drinks and the Glucerna (this one turned out to be no bueno), plus the Pedialyte (for electrolytes, better than Gatorade and their imitators).
In the following days, there was less vomiting. The problem is ....... there's still vomiting. Just less intense (except for the day I tired the Glucerna drinks ......... never again).
I still eat my liquid diet in the morning (some days, soups & broths, other days, protein drinks) but I can only consume a limited amount, and even then, some of the contents get vomited out in the afternoon and evening. So I can't even eat a 2nd liquid meal when I'm vomiting.
And already, the damage has already been done. I've experienced significant weight loss (from 224 to 178 pounds) and I've become a shell of my former self.
I take a longer time to do simple tasks. I take longer breaks between tasks.
Now, I already have another procedure scheduled for 12/27/2024 and I'm supposed to get another CT scan (to get an updated view of my pseudocyst and the rest of my GI system) sometime between now and then.
But when I look at the mirror, it feels like I'm coming face-to-face with mortality. With my significant weight loss and the look on my eyes, it feels like life could be coming to an end soon. It feels a mix of sadness and peace when I think about it.
Now, some of you are reacting "don't talk like that, you got some more living to do".
Don't get me wrong, I would like to do some more of that living. Going back to work and interacting with the students! Ride bikes! Take walks around the community. Help the Friends of the Library of Hawaii! Organize more of my stuff at home! Release new music for Pablo the Mad Tiger Warrior!
But at the same time, we are not eternal beings. We have a life that begins and ends. (I'll leave the debate on reincarnation to the spiritual experts)
And with my declining health condition, I got to be realistic and
- acknowledge that I can't live forever.
- acknowledge that death could possibly be near and it's better to be at peace with it than to pretend life is an eternal party that never ends
