It was a very emotional day, much more emotional than the day I found out my grandma died (10/30/2019).
Members of our extended ohana were there! Many who I haven't seen in years, some I haven't even seen since childhood. Because the funeral included many members of our extended ohana, I was finally able to give updated information to people I haven't seen in years. Some thought I was still working at places I no longer worked at.
This was the first funeral I ever attended, so much of the procedures were unfamiliar to me. Yes, I was partially informed on how it would go, but that's different from experiencing it for real.
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When I arrived, the mortuary was just opening. Slowly by slowly, more people trickled into the reception area.
At 9am was when we had the viewing of the casket grandma was in. It would be the last time we would ever see her before the casket was closed. It was a very emotional moment for many to see the once lively woman now as a lifeless body.
At 11am, the funeral service began. My uncles did the opening statement & invocation.
Then my oldest brother Frank did the eulogy. He described her life story and his experiences growing up with her. He mentions stories of her growing up on the plantations on Kauai, then moving to Oahu while still a child. Then I learned new information about the circumstances of grandma's first pregnancy. I knew that grandma's oldest son (Marshall, who also died earlier this year) had a different father from the other children. What was new information to me was when Frank said that grandma got pregnant "through no fault of her own"(not consensual). I also learned that grandma was pressured to give up that child. She refused.
Frank then explained what he knew about grandma raising 8 children in public housing, working as a hospital janitor and retiring.
Frank then reflected on his experiences growing up with grandma and mentioned stories that I never heard before. He also mentioned their shared love of cooking!
He also summarizes what we all knew about grandma: that she lived life on her own terms and refused to give up her independence even though many relatives begged her to move in with them.
After the eulogy, it was my turn to talk. I gave a remembrance speech describing my experiences growing up with grandma. Even though me & Frank are brothers, there is an 11-year age gap so therefore we had different experiences with grandma. I had a speech written, though I did add a few things.
This was the text I typed for the remembrance speech. Just note that not everything in this text was read word-for-word during the speech.
Aloha everyone,
My name is Pablo Wegesend. I am the grandson of Ramona Wegesend, the son of her daughter Sharleen. I was born 1980, about a month after grandpa Paul William Wegesend passed away.
When I was growing up, in the 1980s, 1990s, me, my parents and brothers used to live in the same building as grandma at Lanakila Housing in Kalihi. So definitely, grandma had a very big presence in my life growing up. There was a lot of going back & forth between the units there. She spent a lot of time in my parent’s unit, and we visited her unit. My parents lived in a bigger unit, but my grandma had the bigger yard. That yard was very well known in the neighborhood, had lots of shrubs, bushes and gingers.
Growing up, me and my brother used to sleepover grandma’s unit on Saturday night, and she would bake us pancakes in Sunday morning. Grandma would also take me on a bus ride, usually to watch a movie at Kahala Mall.
Later, when I was about to start high school, my parents moved out of Lanakila Housing, my grandmother stayed. I wanted to stay with grandma.
Like my grandmother, I liked where we were at. Nevermind the stigma and stereotype related to public housing and Kalihi, it was home.
. I’m not interested in suburban luxuries. I’m more interested in having some consistency and stability in my life, and staying in my community brings consistency and stability to my life. My grandmother was the one who understood that. As far as I'm concerned, my grandmother's home was my real home.
When I was in high school. after school, I would go to grandma’s home and sometimes, sleep there overnight. I remembered grandma loved to watch Oprah in the afternoon and Joe Moore in the evening.
As an adult, I understand it could be a challenge to raise a teenage grandson in your home. But we respected each other’s personal space the best we could in such a tiny living space. As long as I cleaned up after myself, it was all good.
In my early college years, I stayed in the dorms when school was in session and sometimes stayed with grandma when school wasn’t in session.
In 2002, when grandma could no longer walk up the hills to her apartment, she moved into another unit near Lanakila Park. No stairs but a lot more space. I stayed there a few months until I moved into my own apartment.
I encouraged my family to have more family gatherings at my grandma’s home. This year, we finally got around to it. In May, we had a Mother’s Day gathering at grandma’s home. It was to be her last Mother’s Day.
Then in August, we celebrated my grandma’s last birthday at her home. It was her 91st birthday. It was me, my parents and nieces. We had a good time talking story and eating brunch.
After everyone else left, I sticked around for about another hour. We talked and watched old movies.A few weeks later, I was notified that grandma was in the hospital. The first time I visited her, she was bed-ridden but was able to engage in conversations as normal.Then a few weeks later, on October 15 (my birthday), I visited her in the hospital again. At this point, she was very weak and spoke very slowly. It was the last time I saw her.The last time I saw was a huge contrast from her very independent spirit. Even though she was relying on a walker for years, she refused to move in with relatives who encouraged her to move in with them. She lived life on her own terms.The thing I loved about talking with grandma was learning about life in Hawaii before I was born, comparing how things were back then versus now. I learned about her growing up in the plantations on Kauai, moving to Oahu as a child, being a teenager during World War 2 after the Pearl Harbor attacks, having to raise 8 children in public housing, and much more. My grandmother represented living history to me, and now that is gone. Thanksgiving & Christmas will be coming up soon, and we will definitely feel an emptiness now that grandma will no longer be with us.
We will forever miss you, grandma Ramona Wegesend
Mahalo everyone for giving me a chance to share my thoughts on my grandmother, Ramona Wegesend.
Because Frank mentioned the circumstances of Marshall's conception, I mentioned in the remembrance speech that when I was a kid, I learned the birth years of our relatives, did the math and said to grandma "you had Marshall when you're only 14?" Grandma laughed about that one, but I did say in the remembrance speech that as an adult, I now understand the stigma and the struggles that teen mothers go through and that question I asked grandma is not something I would bring up in a conversation now.
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During the remembrance speech, I had to pause a few times just to give me time to keep my emotions in check in order to finish the speech.
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After my speech, my cousin & his wife did a sign language performance of a Christian song. Then Brother James Nahinu Sr said a "plan of salvation" speech. Uncle Victor (grandma's brother) had his own impromptu remembrance speech. At last, my cousin Hamo did his Benediction speech in Spanish.
Afterward, the family had lunch in the reception room.
Circa 13:15, it was time to bring the casket to the limo to take it to her final resting place.
The final resting place would be Hawaiian Memorial Park in Kaneohe. There was some miscommunication there. Due to the delays in burial and the limo schedule (it had to leave at a certain time), I didn't get to witness the burial itself.
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The funeral was a time for the extended family to come together as one as we grieved for a very special person in our lives and as we celebrated her life.
Grandma wasn't one to express self-pity, but it was still an emotional moment for us all.
For someone who was a major presence in our lives, there will be an emptiness that will be felt come Thanksgiving and Christmas.
It will be a while before we can get over it and move on. The stages of grief is nowhere near over.
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Bonus: a memorial video for Ramona Wegesend
https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/honolulu-hi/ramona-wegesend-8908876
