Dads and so-called "self respect"

Many parents want to protect their kids from all kinds of stuff, even stuff they really don't need protection from.

But that's just natural - why wouldn't a parent want to protect their child?

But their child grows up, becomes an adult and want to do adult things!


It takes a certain level of maturity for a parent to be at peace with their no-longer-child doing raunchy adult things!

Which brings me to Brian Williams, the NBC reporter.

His daughter Allison Williams was in a cable TV show "Girls",  in which her character ...................................had something freaky but consensual done to her.  So freaky that I personally wouldn't do it!

Brian Williams reaction?
http://www.salon.com/2015/01/16/in_praise_of_cool_dads_why_brian_williams_support_of_allisons_girls_sex_scene_is_important/

Only fanning the flames was the fact that her father not only watched the scene, he was also totally cool with it. “She’s always been an actress,” he said of the scene. “For us, watching her is the family occupation and everybody has to remember it’s acting, no animals were harmed during the filming, and ideally nobody gets hurt.” In fact, Williams has always been nonchalant about his daughter’s sex scenes. In 2012, when Vulture asked him how he felt watching “Girls,” he said, “It’s kvelling, pride. It’s incredibly great.” Then his interviewer clarified, “You’re fine with the awkward sex scenes?” He replied, simply, “Unmitigated joy.”

The article's author Tracy Clark-Flory reacted with these classic paragraphs

This man deserves a “Father of the Year” mug. I mean it. As does any dad who manages to confront the idea of his daughter’s sexuality without withering to the floor like the Wicked Witch. The Williams’ case is extreme, of course: Few daughters are actresses starring in a raunchy HBO drama. Few fathers have reason to see their adult daughters semi-nude. But most fathers, most daughters, could learn something from this family. 

Dads have so many opportunities to positively influence how their daughters feel about their own bodies and sexualities. They have so many chances to not teach them shame. They have so many ways to communicate that it’s a woman, not a man — be he her father or husband — who owns her sexuality. If more dads did this, we wouldn’t have headlines wondering, “WHAT DOES HER DAD THINK?” about a 26-year-old grown woman doing her damn job.

Now, look at that bolded part from the previous paragraph! 

I'll repeat it again

They have so many chances to not teach them shame.

Dads have so many chances TO NOT their daughter's shame in whatever sexuality they have!


I'm tired of people saying stupid stuff like "she has no self-respect" whenever a woman does something raunchy in the clubs or in a video!

Because when you say "she got no self-respect", you are NOT promoting "self-respect", You are promoting SHAME! 



So an adult woman does a lapdance for a popular male celebrity?  Well, two did for Tyrese for his recent birthday! It went viral!

And we have chumps who said "those women have no self-respect"


Lighten up FOOLS! 


Those woman DID NOTHING WRONG!


They just (gasp.........OMG........nooooooooooooooooooooooo!) did something they considered fun!


They didn't injure anyone!


They just  (gasp.........OMG........nooooooooooooooooooooooo!) did something they considered fun!


So they did something you don't consider fun? 


SO WHAT?


If you don't want to twerk, THEN DON'T!


But don't give me this crap that adults who twerk (or lapdance or "work the pole" or whatever) lack "self-respect".


Because this "self-respect" nonsense is a bunch of crap from uptight, repressed party poopers who can't stand when people have a different type of fun from them! 

This criticism goes out to BOTH the ultra-conservatives (who want everything prim & proper) and Radical Feminists (who think just because they don't want to twerk, they assume all women twerking in videos are being "exploited" by men) 

As for parents freaked out by all this, remember, while you can cherish all the memories of your kid's preschool times all you want................................... kids can't be stuck in that phase forever.

Life goes on, they become young adults and some (many) want to try freaky things   .......... freak dances, you name it!

It takes a certain maturity to be at peace with it!


Mr. Williams is at peace with it! That makes him the perfect role model for parents out there!

You Need to be Able to Adjust to Culture Shock!

Adjusting to culture shock is one of life's most important skills!


Culture shock is just a normal part of life!

Even if you're from a diverse place, other places have a different mix than yours!

For example, Honolulu and Miami are both known for diversity, yet they have a different cultural mix!

And even within the same city, you can face culture shock going from one school to another!

I remember going from McKinley High School ( an inner-city school with a mostly immigrant population, with an  Asian majority as well as Pacific Islanders as a major minority) to the University of Hawaii, which obviously has students from all over Hawaii (meaning I'm attending school with rural and suburban kids too) plus students from continental US (many of whom are European-Americans from Oregon and Washington State).  So yeah, I experienced culture shock in my own island!

And yeah, I've been to Mexico, where my dad is from! Culture shock during my visit? Definitely!


However, some people just can't adjust to culture shock! They mistake curiosity and harmless ignorance as "micro-agression".


One example is Priscilla Ward, who wrote about her experience as an African-American living with European-American room-mates and working with European-Americans.

http://www.salon.com/2015/01/20/im_tired_of_suppressing_myself_to_get_along_with_white_people/

I started to worry about all the other things I might have to explain: My hair, the food I eat, why I like Miles Davis, Nina Simone and Marvin Gaye. Maybe I should have considered it a teaching opportunity. But I wasn’t feeling generous. I was all twisted up inside, ablaze over racial dynamics and anxious what other minefields my roommate might stumble upon. I hoped he wouldn’t say something really ignorant, causing me to just snap and go off on an angry rant. Then I’d have to make my living situation salvageable by pocketing my black rage, putting on my best smile and telling him, it’s all love.

 and

 I was tired of catering to everyone else’s comforts. How much of my day-to-day experiences as a black woman do I have to filter? I replace “hey girl” with boring hellos. I eat my leftover fried chicken outside the office. In order to have some common point of identifiable communication, I pretend to care about Taylor Swift, or white movie stars on their I’ve-lost-count remarriages and those other white pop stars I could not care less about. “Oh yeah, she’s cute,” I tell them. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

I'm sorry, but this is just someone who is unable to adjust to culture shock!  I mean, I'm not censoring whatever pidgin or hip-hop phrases when I'm interacting in casual conversations with people! I mean, yeah I might be a bit reserved with someone I just met (aren't most of us?) but once you had a few conversations, all this uneasiness should fade already!

And her "not caring about white stars"?   I mean, I like hip-hop better than country or alternative, but still .................. I respect what those other genres mean to the cultures they come from!  And you know what? I can enjoy the music of  Pitbull, Whitney Houston, Bryan Adams, Willie K, Selena  and a whole bunch of musicians of different racial backgrounds! It's called being culturally versatile!

And sometimes, I might be working with someone with different pop culture references. They might LOVE talking about "Game of Thrones" or some other TV show that I have never watched in my life? SO WHAT?   I don't feel the need to fit-in with everyone anyways!   I could sit & chill while others are talking about something I'm not interested in! SO WHAT  -- THAT'S  a  part of LIFE!  You can't expect everyone to share your interests!


I know might be saying -- "who are you to talk down to Priscilla Ward, you're not African-American like her".   The overwhelming majority of African-Americans I know are much more secure with being around different cultures than Ms Ward is!

Look, my city might not have as many African-Americans as Atlanta, but it was the birthplace of the 1st black President (sorry Kenya).


Ms Ward can even come here for Rumours Nightclub on Friday nights! Mostly playing modern hip-hop (at least 75% Southern hip-hop)  and attract a lot of African-Americans. They don't leave the dancefloor just because the DJ played Pitbull or Iggy Azalea! If it's a good song, it's a good song!

(note: Rumours Nightclub is more famous for its Saturday nights with its 70s/80s/90s disco/funk/R&B/old-school hip-hop, and a more multi-racial fanbase. Major reputation as "cougar-town")



And does Priscilla Ward know about the being part-Latino in Hawaii? I do! Here's what I wrote on the comments!

Dear Priscilla Ward,

I know what it's like to be an extreme minority, being a mixed-race person of mostly Latino ancestry and a German last name growing up in Hawaii with mostly Asian & Pacific Islanders. 

However, you take everything way too personal! I mean, I had Pacific Islanders ask if my dad (who is from Mexico) use words like "vato" and "ese". Instead of getting overly sensitive, used that moment as a teaching opportunity to inform those Pacific Islanders (many of whom are Samoan or Micronesian) who are not familiar with Mexican culture that movies based in East LA life do NOT reflect real life in Mexico!  Some of them also assume MS-13 is a "Mexican gang", and I inform them that they're Salvadoran, and just like how Samoans and Tongans are similar but different, Mexicans and Salvadorans are similar and different. You see, I use such moments as teaching moments instead of "agonize with over-sensitivity" moments!

I also didn't have many Euro-American classmates until college. I had a few college classes in which they are the majority. SO WHAT? I remember one group project (w/ 4 Euro-American women from the continental US, 1 Euro-Canadian and me) with questions about surviving in the North American wilderness! They obviously had more experience on that topic, but you know what? I didn't feel any stigma, in fact we all just joked about it because that's what Secure, Confident people do!  By the way, one of those Euro-American woman  was working part time at an urban Honolulu high school (which was a rival school to mine) and yeah, she had  her culture shock which me and her discussed like confident, emotionally secure adults!

So yeah, start building your inner confidence! Start loving yourself! Start understanding that minor misunderstandings shouldn't be treated as intentional micro-aggressions! And get professional help!