Still Resisting Peer Pressure to Drink Alcohol

At a very young age, I decided that I will never drink alcoholic beverages or take those other drugs (ie cocaine, heroin, meth, tobacco, marijuana).

I have stayed true to those promises!

However, no matter how many times I posted on facebook about my non-drinking stance, no matter that I made a YouTube video against drinking, some idiots still insist I join them in getting drunk!

This happened during a reunion the other week! 

This was what I wrote in the reunion blog post
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/06/my-20th-year-reunion.html

I DO NOT drink alcoholic beverages and I take that stance very seriously. However, not every classmate got the memo!

During the event, others did ask me to drink alcohol beverages. I pulled 2 individuals on the side and told in a serious tone DON'T ever ask me about drinking alcoholic beverages ever again. They apologized. Because they sincerely apologized, their names won't be mentioned.

However, Patsaya Mounthongdy is a different story.

Me & Patsaya do have some similarities in that were both eccentric personalities who are the "lifes of the party".

The difference is that Patsaya has not matured since high school. He is an extremely extroverted person who still thinks everything is a joke.   He doesn't believe in personal boundaries. He still doesn't understand that sometimes, he needs to tone down his loud personality. He doesn't understand when to stop talking and when to leave the issue alone. He doesn't understand that as an adult, he needs to develop an introverted, reflective side too!  

After the rooftop was being cleared, I met up with Patsaya and told him that he needs to stop asking me to drink alcoholic beverages and that I take that issue very seriously.  He did apologize, but then a few minutes later, he said out loud that I was ruining the vibe of the night. I told him politely to drop the topic already.  This continued while we were in the elevator. The Other Guy #1 also told Patsaya to drop the issue. Patsaya still wouldn't shut up. Then I yelled at him "SHUT THE ____ UP" and pointed a pepper spray at his face. I pointed it in a self-defense stance but luckily didn't have to spray it! 

The Other Guy #1 continued to diffuse the situation. 

Patsaya then said "this is the last time I'm ever going to a reunion" 

Good! That's what I call "addition by subtraction". The great ambiance of a reunion is added when we subtract jerks (like Patsaya) who make other people nervous to come to the reunion!

--------- 
Yes, I have more to say about Patsaya Mounthongdy

He was already an extremely extroverted person and a class clown in high school. However, I never had a problem with him in high school. 

However, at the reunion, he was obviously drunk. 

Alcohol and an extremely extroverted personality are an extremely bad combination.  

It's bad enough he wanted me to drink alcohol, even worse when I told him to stop asking me to drink, he disrespected me and acted manipulative!


You can't reason with somebody like that! 

I know from past experience with bullies that if I just walked away, he would've followed me and continued to act like a jerk! 

This was why I pulled out my pepper spray and told him to SHUT THE F___ UP!

That's the only style of communication that he takes seriously. 

If he is disrespectful towards me, a man about a few inches taller, imagine how he is to women when he is drunk. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a #metoo story involving that guy!

Being that the #metoo movement exposed a lot of shady characters, it is IMPORTANT that I mentioned the person's real name, which as I mentioned earlier, is Patsaya Mounthongdy.


Those who had earlier run-ins with that guy would be inspired to expose even more about who he is, maybe even press charges or file lawsuits. It would also give a warning to whoever might have to interact with him in the future. 

-----

Also at the reunion is another chump Alan Vuong (owner of Salon Blanc) who followed Patsaya with this "ha ha, Pablo you don't drink", but he backed down when I got into his face and told him that I take this issue very seriously. Alan Vuong, as a CEO of an award-winning small business, is supposed to be a leader in the community, but that night just showed that he's just another follower who gives into to peer pressure, just like back in high school when his reputation was that of a wannabe gangsta.  He thinks being hardcore is about getting drunk, but really,  he's just too soft to resist peer pressure when it comes to alcohol! Alan was gone before I pointed a pepper spray at Patsaya. At least give Alan credit, he knows to back down instead of pushing the issue like Patsaya.

--------

The incident inspired me to post this on facebook. 

When people ask me to drink alcohol, and I tell them "I don't drink", some are so stupid to actually believe they can convince to me to drink! Who the hell do these people think they are talking to! I take my anti-alcohol stance seriously and anybody who tries to convince me otherwise will be deleted from my friend's list and publicly shamed on my blog posts! This is NOT a joke and you have been warned!

Now, I actually got tons of positive responses to my post!


I'm not going to show the names of people who wrote them, but I will definitely show the messages

Response #1

• Right on Pablo 👍

  1
• --------------------------

 Response #2

•  Yeah Pablo!

  1

 -----------------------------------------
Response #3

•  Much respect, bro. I stopped drinking, but I'm grateful that no one tries to peer pressure me. Stand your ground and they should respect your decision. People can have fun and be fun without alcohol too. Aloha, my braddah.

  3

 -----------------------------------------

Response #4

•  As a non drinker myself, I deal with this too. While my true friends accept and support my choice not to drink, every now and then someone new joins the group and almost seems to make it a challenge to “break me.” You best believe they aren’t invited back to the next get together!

  1

 ---------------------------------
Response #5

• 
  
•  Respect ♥️

  1

 -----------------------------------
Response #6

• Booze is poison.

  1

 -------------------------------------------
Response #7

• I drink occasionally, Pablo, but definitely agree that you don't need friends who disrespect you. That's what "friends" are doing if you let them know and they're still trying to push you. 🤷

  1

 -------------------------------------------
Response # 8

• I got respect on your decision and yes no one should force you to it.

======================


A few days later, I saw this wonderful meme!  

SUMMER DRINKING TIP: When someone says they're not drinking/refusing the alcoholic beverage you're offering DO NOT ASK WHY.
Just offer a non-alcoholic option instead and move on cuz whatever the reason it it's always none of your business

Or better yet, people should STOP offering an alcoholic beverage!

If someone wants a beer, they could go get it themselves. 

=======


Now, let's go over some recent articles about the negative sides of drinking alcoholic beverages. 


This one on the serious health side effects of getting drunk.



Sirin Kale, “Binge-Drink Britain: How One Weekend Bender Can Ruin Your Life,” Guardian, May 30, 2018, 
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/may/30/one-weekend-bender-can-ruin-your-life-pancreatitis

“You can get pancreatitis after a single binge,” says Dr Sarah Jarvis of the campaign group Drinkaware, although she explains it’s more common to develop it after repeated binges.

The pancreas, a small organ behind the stomach, plays an essential role in digestion. Pancreatitis occurs when it becomes inflamed, usually as a result of too much alcohol. Individual binges can lead to flare-ups of acute pancreatitis, from which the patient can recover after a few weeks. But continued drinking can turn this into chronic pancreatitis, meaning that the pancreas can be permanently damaged, and may fail entirely. Between 70% and 80% of cases of chronic pancreatitis are caused by alcohol abuse, according to the National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (Nice).

After the sudden death of the Swedish DJ Avicii, pancreatitis is becoming better known. He had been afflicted by the condition after abusing alcohol during exhausting world tours and, after his death, his family issued a statement saying “he could not go on any longer”. His death has forced us to pay attention to a condition we would perhaps rather ignore.

skipped paragraphs

 “My friends are drunk all the time and they’ll be in the club buying me drinks,” Lawrence says. “They don’t realise the severity of my illness because they don’t have to live with it.” Charles gets angry when she sees people being peer-pressured. “People will taunt someone who isn’t drinking,” she says. “It’s like: you’re a weirdo if you don’t drink.” 

This is why I take peer pressure on this issue VERY SERIOUSLY!  

This peer pressure isn't light-hearted fun, this peer pressure has VERY DANGEROUS CONSEQUENCES!

That's why I tell people to don't ever peer pressure on this issue ever again. 

----

another article from The Guardian, this one by Adrian Chiles, a former alcoholic who is cutting back on his alcohol consumption.

Adrian Chiles, “What Happened Next? ‘Drinking for the sake of drinking. It’s Madness’: How Adrian Chiles Cut Back On Booze,” Guardian, December 13, 2018, 
https://www.theguardian.com/global/2018/dec/13/what-happened-next-drinking-for-the-sake-of-drinking-its-madness-how-adrian-chiles-cut-back-on-booze

I have many hunches about things, which usually turn out to be wrong. But this year my hunch turned out to be right – that almost all coverage of alcohol issues failed to get to the big problem. Always the focus was on the extreme cases, the Pernod-in-the-morning type drinkers, as my friend Frank Skinner referred to himself. So the rest of us would look at the classic “alcoholic” waking up in a shop doorway or emergency ward and say to ourselves: “Oh, that’s not me, therefore I have no problem, I am fine.” Well, I don’t think we are fine. It turns out that there are many drinkers like me, quietly putting it away without, superficially, doing any great harm, when, actually, we could do ourselves some real good by drinking significantly less.

One strand of twisted thinking I often hear is: “So what if I die a bit younger? Who wants to live for ever anyway?” As one doctor put it to me, it’s not a choice between living a good, long life or a good, slightly shorter life; it’s about making your declining years as bearable as possible. And drinking too much before you get there isn’t going to help you.

-----

Now, people are putting on events that provide alternatives to getting drunk

This article starts off about an alcohol-free bar in St. Louis, Missouri, a city known to be the headquarters of a large beer company. 


https://abcnews.go.com/Health/alcohol-heavy-culture-people-booze-free-spaces/story

Pop’s Blue Moon bar, a fixture of this beer-loving city since 1908, has joined an emerging national trend: alcohol-free spaces offering social connections without peer pressure to drink, hangovers or DUIs. From boozeless bars to substance-free zones at concerts marked by yellow balloons, sober spots are popping up across the nation in reaction to America’s alcohol-soaked culture, promising a healthy alternative for people in recovery and those who simply want to drink less.

“We evolved as social creatures. This is a good trend if you want the experience of companionship and social culture but don’t want the negatives,” said William Stoops, a University of Kentucky professor who studies drug and alcohol addiction. “It can help people make better choices.”

skipped paragraphs, to an alcohol-free bar in Austin, Texas

Chris Marshall, who founded Sans Bar in Austin, Texas, in 2015, got sober in 2007 and was working as a counselor when a client shared how difficult it was to navigate the social world without alcohol. The client’s relapse and subsequent death was his call to action.

skipped paragraphs, this one on  how alcohol-free events are helping the LGBT community which once found refuge only in bars.

In Washington, D.C., members of a growing sober LGBTQ community organize dry reading groups and rafting trips and alcohol-free nights out instead of hitting gay bars. Tom Hill, a vice president at the National Council for Behavioral Health, who is gay and in recovery, said those activities create a “sense of socialization and camaraderie to replace what they had.”

Nationally, sober raves such as Daybreaker morning dance parties have caught on, fueled only by dancing.

 skipped paragraphs, now back to Saint Louis

At Pop’s Blue Moon, Jaclynn Rowell, who reads tarot cards for customers, said the health benefits of no-booze nights are a big draw. And many are happy to avoid awkward questions about religion, pregnancy and sobriety that can arise at regular bars when someone asks why they’re not drinking.

Stephanie Keil, 39, spent two hours with friends there on a recent Saturday night and said she’d love to see more boozeless bars.

and the article also mentioned those side effects to an alcohol-filled life

Research links excessive alcohol use to fatty liver, cirrhosis and cancers of the breast, liver, colon, mouth and throat as well as heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, dementia, anxiety and depression. Nearly half of murders involve alcohol, according to studies. Drinking kills about 88,000 people annually, according to the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation at the University of Washington. Such diseases and social ills cost the nation an estimated $249 billion a year. 

So yes, I made the right decision when I was a kid to never drink alcoholic beverages. I am proud that I have kept my promise to myself.

And I hope you can join me in leading an alcohol-free life! 

BONUS:

My YouTube video from 2014
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1wRPNB3N4I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1wRPNB3N4I

"I don't need alcohol (and neither do you)"

Emotional Sunday

(note: this post is not about yesterday, but about the previous Sunday).

So much emotions in the last few weeks.

Last month marks 2 decades since graduating high school.

There was nostalgic feeling about the fun times, and of course, we had a 20th year reunion to look forward (which I wrote about it at
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/06/my-20th-year-reunion.html )

However, there were other feelings too!

The high school years were also years in which I have become distanced from my parents, mostly due to their decision to buy a house in the other side of the island a few months before high school started. 

My grandmother stayed in the same community I grew up, and I used her address in order to attend the same high school as my friends.  I would've preferred to stay in my grandma's place 24-7-365, but it wasn't to be

However, I had to spend time commuting between my parent's home in the other side of the island to my high school. The stress of the commute, plus people knowing that I wasn't a full-time resident of my grandmother's address (and therefore not eligible to remain in the high school of my peers) took a toll!

I wanted my parents to abandon their home on the other side of the island and return to live in my high school district. Little did I know, my parents signed a 30-year mortgage, a contract that locked them into one location for that long! 

Add to that, most relatives defended my parent's decision. Cause a strain on family relations? That's an understatement.  It caused me to have a severe high level of hatred towards most of my family!  It inspired a lot of suicidal & homicidal thoughts in my mind!

Add to that, my father was an alcohol drinker and could be very cruel when drunk, and he was set in his ways.

I used to look up to him as a child,  used to have a lot of loving memories with him during my childhood years, but his decision to move house during my adolescence, plus his alcoholic ways caused a major rift! 

In my senior year, my mother finally listened to my concerns instead of just brushing it off as "just another teenage complaint". Communicating my grievances to my father? He just wasn't ready to listen. So all my communication was with my mother.  It was only after I lost control of my emotions when communicating with my mother and punched a few pillows did my mother finally decided to ask my grandmother to stay in her home 24-7-365.  This was when 4th quarter of my senior already started. That's 15 out of 16 quarters done! That's as if a fire already burned 15 floors and approached the final 16th floor! 

So yeah, I finally moved to my grandmother's home (which I requested 1st quarter, but only got when 15/16 quarters already done). Yay, I got what I wanted ........... when it was pretty much too little too late.

Having 15/16 quarters burned through isn't something that is easy to get over! That's 15/16 quarters that are filled with missed opportunities due to commuting and the fear of people finding that I wasn't a full-time resident of the school district.  If it was only 3 quarters that was burned, it wouldn't be so major. But it was 15 out of 16 quarters burned! I CAN'T GET THAT TIME BACK! You can't make up for 15 quarters within just one quarter! 

These missed opportunities (school activities, more time to expand my social circle) caused a resentment in me that could never die!

College and career success could NEVER fill the emotional hole caused by having those 15 out of 16 quarters of high school burned! 

I've been to multiple psychologists/therapists/etc. Couldn't stick to one due to changing health insurance or that the ones I used while in college were only available if I was attending college.

Back in 2014, my parents and I met with yet another psychologist. I was lucky in that I was a graduate student at UH-Manoa at the time, so I was eligible for free services.  I was able to discuss a lot of grievances with my parents in front of a trained professional. It did wonders. My father was much less defensive then than he was when growing up. However, when his next Mexico trip came up, he said this therapy session was his last one.  He might've been burned out by all those sessions. 

Fast forward 5 years to 2019. I appreciated my parent's honesty in the 2014 sessions but there were still things I wanted to clear up! Plus, being that 2019 was the 2-decade anniversary since high school, all the anger about the missed opportunities from the 15/16 quarters burned came right back!

I spent months writing a letter of my grievances that I didn't have time to share in the 2014 sessions. I kept delaying sending ... wait until after Mother's Day, wait until after Father's Day, wait until after the 20th year reunion.........

..... actually, I mailed that letter to my parents the week leading up to the 20th-year Reunion.  

Sending that letter was a major relief in that I let out all my emotions.

Now I had to wait for a response. 

That came the Sunday (the day after the reunion).

The reunion came with mixed emotions. I was happy to see a lot of people, however, after the event, I had a conflict with a drunk who hasn't grown up since high school. Not just any conflict, but one in which I told him to "SHUT THE ----- UP" while holding a pepper spray in his direction! 
(read part 3 of https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2019/06/my-20th-year-reunion.html)

My dad actually scheduled breakfast for that Sunday, the day after the reunion. The thing was, when my father scheduled that breakfast, he called a few days earlier when he was on another island. When he called, he was unaware that I sent that letter to my parents.  But now he was aware!

So on that Sunday, me & dad discussed a lot of things, mostly about our misunderstandings about each other. He said he didn't know some of the things I was going through and I admit I could've explained it better back then. He talked about his situation, I talked about mines. This was the first time I ever saw my father cried!  He described how he tried to be a devoted father, but also he made some mistakes. He then told me that back when I was a teenager, he didn't understand my grievances, but now he understood.  I broke down too, saying that I used to look up to him as a child, but that many things have gotten in the way over the years! We then hugged, as my father was ready to go home!

I still get emotional thinking about all this! It will take time to process it all! 

My 20th year reunion

This past Saturday (June 29, 2019),  the McKinley High School c/o 1999 had their 20th-year reunion at Dave & Buster's rooftop! 

Yes, it has been 2 decades since high school! 

1) Background

The 10th year reunion back in 2009 had a great really turnout.
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2009/08/my-10-year-high-school-reunion.html

The 15th year reunion back in 2014 had a smaller turnout but we did have some people there that wasn't there for the 10th! 

Since nobody wanted to take the lead for that one, I did most of the organizing, even though I had never organized a major event before. I think that year, many classmates had newborn kids so they were too pre-occupied for the reunion. I did have some assistance leading up towards that reunion, and we had a good time even with the smaller turnout! 
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2014/08/my-15-year-high-school-reunion.html


Of course, any event could be improved on, but it was annoying when one person claimed it wasn't "well put together" even though she did nothing to help. But that's life, those who contribute the least complain the most!

Some did have legit concerns that they didn't find out of that reunion until it was too late for them to readjust their schedules.

So last year, I did ask for ideas of where & when to have the reunion.  Some people wanted Las Vegas, but most wanted it here in Honolulu. We also agreed on having it in late June.

This time, someone else took the lead with organizing the reunion (less stress for me, yay), but I still participated in sharing ideas (even more yay!).   

Someone mentioned having the reunion at the school and I contacted the school. We did exchange information and I shared it on facebook. However, I did recognize that there was a scheduling conflict being that the campus was being used by the Friends of the Library of Hawaii (I'm a proud member) that weekend that we wanted to have the reunion. 

The main organizer of this reunion did contact the other venues and shared with us on Facebook about the different options. We decided on Dave & Buster's.

A few weeks before the reunion, I did meet with the main organizers and a few assistants on the logistics. 

Being that the 10th reunion had a newsletter-style program (named The Pinion, which was the school's newsletter) where people shared their post-high school updates, plus ads & trivia, I felt we should do the same for the 20th! I also took the lead in compiling our classmate's data, solicit ads from classmates with businesses & making a page with graphics related to 1999 (ie who was in political office, who won the Super Bowl, popular musicians, etc).

Being that I did flyers & brochures before but not newsletters, there was a learning curve, but I loved the challenge of compiling data and organizing into something eye-catching for the readers.

As for the data I compiled about classmate's post-high school, it was in The Pinion, but I chose not to share it here on the blog post to protect the privacy of classmates who only wanted to share their info with other classmates. 

2) The Reunion Night

Actually, the sun was still out when we arrived to set the area up for the reunion! 

We were the organizers of the reunion

Because I was the tallest in that group, I was asked to help with putting the banner. Problem was that I'm not great at tying ropes!  Luckily, a staff member helped!

Then people started walking in. 

Some who I have seen from previous reunions, others for whom it was their 1st reunion! 

We had about 7 who were Lanakila Elementary School classmates, so had our own photo together!  It was wonderful to see those I knew as little kids now full-grown adults approaching middle age. 

We were Lanakila Elementary classmates

One of those elementary school classmates is now there as a teacher. Her life came full-circle! 

Another elementary classmate came with his wife and daughter. The daughter was the star of the night! 

I was able to talk with most of the classmates who came as we shared information, mostly about the jobs we have and whatever common interests we shared.

Our classmate's jobs include teacher, law enforcement officer,  nurse, National Guard, claims investigator, call center supervisor, accountant, salon owner, cafe manager, and chef.

There was also someone who said he was at the school for  2 years before he moved to California. I don't remember him at all. But I was glad to finally meet him. 

I was trying to get my closest friends to show up. 

The one classmate who I hung out most in our adult lives is currently ill with pinched nerve, vertigo & diabetes.  He says he was in too much pain to come. As I told the news of his condition, many classmates felt sad about his situation. The news hit really hard to those who knew him from elementary. 

But the one friend that I hung out with the most during our high schools did show up! We did become distanced during our adult years, we didn't talk for years, though I do send him emails every so often. He came for the 10th, didn't come for the 15th, and both times he didn't announce his decision ahead of time and  he sure didn't announce it for this one either. But he did come for the 20th-year reunion, and I was so happy to see him there! 

--------

As the night went on, there were prizes given out (I got a gift card for Dave & Buster's), a pair of high school sweethearts won the grand prize: tickets to the Backstreet Boys concert later this year. 

There was the DJ playing music (mostly stuff from when we were in high school) throughout the event, but only until circa 8:30pm I went on the dance floor, then a few others joined in!

The event officially ended at 9pm. Some people left around that time, others stuck around.  I was there until we had to clear the rooftop.

3) The Post-Event Incident

I DO NOT drink alcoholic beverages and I take that stance very seriously. However, not every classmate got the memo!

During the event, others did ask me to drink alcohol beverages. I pulled 2 individuals on the side and told in a serious tone DON'T ever ask me about drinking alcoholic beverages ever again. They apologized. Because they sincerely apologized, their names won't be mentioned.

However, Patsaya Mounthongdy is a different story.

Me & Patsaya do have some similarities in that were both eccentric personalities who are the "lifes of the party".

The difference is that Patsaya has not matured since high school. He is an extremely extroverted person who still thinks everything is a joke.   He doesn't believe in personal boundaries. He still doesn't understand that sometimes, he needs to tone down his loud personality. He doesn't understand when to stop talking and when to leave the issue alone. He doesn't understand that as an adult, he needs to develop an introverted, reflective side too!  

As the rooftop was being cleared, I met up with Patsaya and told him that he needs to stop asking me to drink alcoholic beverages and that I take that issue very seriously.  He did apologize, but then a few minutes later, he said out loud that I was ruining the vibe of the night. I told him politely to drop the topic already.  This continued while we were in the elevator. The Other Guy #1 also told Patsaya to drop the issue. Patsaya still wouldn't shut up. Then I yelled at him "SHUT THE ____ UP" and pointed a pepper spray at his face. I pointed it in a self-defense stance but luckily didn't have to spray it! 

The Other Guy #1 continued to diffuse the situation. 

Patsaya then said "this is the last time I'm ever going to a reunion" 

Good! That's what I call "addition by subtraction". The great ambiance of a reunion is added when we subtract jerks (like Patsaya) who make other people nervous to come to the reunion!

After we left the elevator, and after Patsaya left the building, I talked to Other Guy #2, and said to him "I'm sorry you had to witness all of that". He expressed disapproval of the way Patsaya has been acting!

The person I hung out the most during high school (RS) did talk to Patsaya after we separated!  My best guess is that RS was trying to diffuse the situation by helping Patsaya understand how I am as a person. 

I did meet up with RS later that night. We did talk about the Patsaya situation, but after that, we did talk about how everything else about the reunion was positive. And we talked about our high school memories and the good times.

======

Patsaya thinks the best way to have a good time is to get drunk, be loud & obnoxious. When people object to his obnoxiousness, he gaslights people by claiming that he's only joking and that you're ruining the vibe.

Whereas for me, I think the best way to have a good time is to avoid alcohol, avoid any other mind-altering drugs, respect people's boundaries, and still enjoy the music & the ambiance of the event!

Of all my classmates, I was the star of the dance floor! I did that without alcohol, without caffeine, and without any mind-altering drugs! All you need is the music!

People who use alcohol to be the "life of the party" is like Barry Bonds (and other athletes) using steroids. That is cheating, and those substances also have lifelong consequences that affect you long after the party or the game is over. Mature adults understand that! 

People talk about putting an asterisk (*) around Barry Bond's homerun records. I say we put an asterisk (*) around mentions of Patsaya being a "life of the party".

I'm the life of the party without an asterisk (*).

Be more like me! 

One decade on facebook

Yes, today marks one decade of me being on facebook!

And to celebrate, here's a facebook video link 
https://www.facebook.com/pablo.wegesend/posts/10211109849222057



Now, i want to quote from a 2014 blog post

"Facebook's 1-decade anniversary" from February 2014

https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2014/02/facebooks-1-decade-anniversary.html

Facebook allowed me to reunite with people in my past and allow them to be a part of my future! 

Facebook has broken down barriers in that it allowed me to get to know people that I only had a few interactions in person, and it allowed them to get to know who I really am! 

Facebook also gave allowed us to share articles, music videos and photos with each other, giving us greater access to information out there.

I'll go as far as saying that Facebook is one of the greatest inventions that occurred in my lifetime. Thank you to the founders of Facebook. And more importantly thank you to everyone on my Facebook friends list, I really appreciate you all!

Being on facebook wasn't my first adventure with social media.

Towards the end of summer 2005, I started using Myspace. With myspace, you can design your own profile and you can use it to contact long-lost classmates. At the time, I was in my mid-20's, so the former classmates weren't that "long-lost", just a few years of separation. 

However, myspace was more teen oriented and people my age were starting to migrate to Facebook, which had a more mature image. Also, the Myspace audience eventually aged out and the new generation thought of myspace as "old".

By the summer of 2009, one of myspace friends mentioned that our 10-year reunion was being planned mostly via Facebook. That was one of my main motivations to join Facebook.

In just the first few days of being on Facebook, I found former classmates that I couldn't find on Myspace.  Within a year, my Myspace use dramatically declined as I became a daily Facebook user.

Within the next few years, more and more of my former classmates joined Facebook. I also used Facebook to connect with distant relatives and former co-workers. 

With all those people as an audience, I basically revealed interests and activities I only previously shared with certain people.  So it was amusing that an auntie was surprised by my nightclub photos, something that would've surprised ABSOLUTELY NOBODY who knew me from senior year in high school.

I've also learned many new things about people who I've "known" for a long time. Some came out of the closet. Others revealed great family difficulties (ie deadbeat fathers, deceased parents) that affected through their youth, making me aware of their personal pain that I didn't even know they were going through when I went to school with them. 

Facebook also allowed me more interactions with former classmates that I didn't interact with much during our school years.  

Facebook also allowed me to share some socio-political thoughts with my audience. Problem is,  anything political can end friendships. That happened multiple times during my time on Facebook. Can't win them all! 

However, I have definitely detected some personal growth from my Facebook friends over the years. Those who I thought "omg, that person hasn't grown up since high school" eventually distanced themselves from posting inappropriate stuff and showed great strides towards maturity. Also, many former classmates started having children so the contents of their posts have changed dramatically.  In many cases, many new parents did dramatically reduced the amount of posts they put out there mostly because they just didn't have time for Facebook anymore. 

In some cases, some people have gotten worse as adults compared to when I knew them during the school years. I had to distance myself from a few.  Sometimes, you just have to move on!

===========

Besides reuniting with former classmates, Facebook's great benefits to me are that from the articles we share on Facebook, I learned many new things.  Whether it's about psychological/emotional situations I never understood before, human rights abuses here and around the world or the great programs that uplift the people, I am grateful that Facebook gave me more access to information than before. Many times, it's because some of that information is covered by online media outlets I probably never heard of before someone shared an article on Facebook. I am also grateful for those articles because they gave me information that I was able to use for my blogs. 

=========


Now for the links to my previous blog posts about facebook. 

"one year on Facebook" from July 10, 2010
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2010/06/one-year-on-facebook.html

"Facebook and Pop Culture is GREAT for the world!" from July 2011

https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/07/facebook-and-pop-culture-is-great-for.html

2 decades since graduating high school

2 decades ago today, I graduated from McKinley High School in Honolulu, Hawaii. 

I wrote much about the experience of graduation day, as well as being in high school in my one-decade anniversary blog post that I have written back in 2009
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2009/06/10-years-ago-today.html


I also wrote more about my high school experience in this blog post titled "Myself 2 decades ago" post on 9/1/2015 which was 2 decade anniversary of starting high school
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2015/09/myself-2-decades-ago.html

Also, some of my fun memories of high school were also listed (among other memories from different phases of life)  in this post http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/10/my-double-3-years.html


Our reunion is coming up on June 29th at the Dave & Busters, just a few blocks south of the campus. 


I still visit the campus over the years.  I did substitute teach a few times on the campus, though I never got called to work on the campus as often as I'd like to. 

I also visit the campus for the annual book sale sponsored by the Friends of the Library of Hawaii. (note: it's happening again from June 22-30 this year. Be there!)



And on some weekends, I might bike around the campus :)


OF course, a lot of things changed since my graduation!


Since then, we had the Tiger Stripes painted on the makai side of the gym and a new track & field.  Unfortunately, they still haven't installed stadium seats near that field, so our football team still have to use other school's stadiums to play "home games". 

The administration building was renovated during my time there. Now, the "W building" is being renovated!  

Outside the cafeteria now has more benches outside in the front, giving more students places to sit outside. (note: the cafeteria is too small to seat all the students, plus some students like to eat outside in the fresh air.)

Enrollment has declined at the school. When I subbed at the campus, I noticed a lot more empty space during recess as compared to when I was in high school.  Much of the decline in enrollment is due to the population shift away from the urban core and towards the suburbs of the west & central parts of Oʻahu.  There are more luxury condos being built near the school so that might give some population boost, but most likely not enough to make enrollment as high as it used to be. 


====================


The world has also changed in major ways since I graduated high school. 

I graduated right before the start of the new millennium. Y2K was coming.   The way of life for millions was about to change.

For example, when I was in high school, the internet was starting to become mainstream but I didn't even use it on a regular basis until I started college. So basically, my whole life before graduating high school was in a mostly analog world, whereas my adult life was in a mostly digital world!

So basically any research you did had to involve books, magazines, and newspapers.  I was basically a bookworm, reading a whole bunch of books about social studies in the library every morning before classes started.  Google?  That company didn't exist when I started high school (1995) and when I graduated, Google was still a relatively small-time startup overshadowed by Yahoo and America On-Line. 

When you finished high school at my time, you really thought you'll never have any contact with much of your classmates again. Facebook didn't even exist yet.  In fact, Myspace didn't even exist yet. 

And whatever was on TV, you had to be sitting in front of it when it airs or you'll never see it!  YouTube still didn't exist yet! 

When it comes to enjoying recorded music, my high school years were part of the CD era.  It was only a few months after I graduated from high school when Napster caused a major transition in how people accessed music.  

In fact, the Blogger site that I'm using right now to write this blog post only started to exist 2 months after high school. I didn't even know about the existence of blogs when I finished high school.  It was still that underground.

Smartphones? What was that? Yes, we already had cell phones (I didn't have one yet), but they were only useful for calling people. No text, no camera, no filming, no sharing articles or watching videos on those phones. 

Email already existed and it was slowly becoming part of mainstream life, but I didn't start using it until I was in college. 


Education has definitely changed since then. In schools these days, nearly every class has a laptop (or an iPad) for every student. Depending on the grade level, tech-savvy of the teacher or the income of the community, much of the assignment are typed on the computer. Standardized tests are now done on the computer (in my days, they were all done with paper and pencil).  Digital eye strain is definitely something affecting these kids that we have to nag them to take a break and go outside for some fresh air once in a while. 

===================

As for my life in high school compared to life after high school......

Obviously, adulthood comes with more responsibilities. I have to now pay my own bills, and in order to do that, I had to develop a more mature attitude.  This is magnified by the fact that I am working in the school system in which I am expected to be a role model.

When I was in high school, I was thinking about multiple career possibilities: judge, prosecutor, high school teacher, bus driver, rapper, record label executive.

Obviously, people's interests change as time goes on.  

Prosecutors tend to be the hammer that thinks every problem is a nail. No thanks! Bus driver? I still haven't even learned to drive a car, much less drive something bigger.  And talking about cars, I once fantasized about getting a lowrider (and bought a few copies of Lowrider Magazine), my years as an adult without much money made me realize that I don't really need a car. 

As for teaching, I faded away from that dream during college, but then I needed a job after college, so I became a substitute teacher. I did it for 13 years. Be a full-time teacher? I did seriously consider it for a while, but I really don't want the stress.

Rapper and record label executive? My music dreams faded for a while, but now I'm focusing on making instrumental tracks with computer software that wasn't yet widely available to the masses back when I was in high school. Making recorded music in those days required expensive studio equipment. Decades later, you just need a computer and some software you can buy online.  And now some schools offer classes in making electronic music. I am so jealous of the new generation!

But it was a part-time job that I started a few months after high school that led me to the job I have now. That would be library work. I was considering applying for part-time jobs at the public library when I was in high school, but I didn't start until a few months after high school.  I had a few part-time library jobs while in college. But then I wasn't doing library work for years until I seriously considered going back to Library-Land and pursue full-time librarianship. Long story short, I am currently a middle school librarian! 

As you may have noticed, my life since high school did not go in a straight line! 

Because my life since high school didn't go in a straight line, I struggled with self-doubt about what direction I should be taking in life. 

This year, I can honestly say there is more clarity. No longer am I searching for a full-time library job because I have one now.  I might search for a higher paying library position in the future (most likely in the public library or the university), but at least now I have a launching pad to rise up the ranks in Library-Land!

My music career? I came back to the dream in 2016 by releasing music under my stage name Pablo the Mad Tiger Warrior. Now, I have 3 instrumental albums and 5 stand-alone instrumental singles. I'm working on my next instrumental album and hoping for a credit line increase to pay the distribution costs. No major hits yet, but at least I have a catalog that the public can access via stream or download.  As for vocal tracks, I'm not ready. I really want to put out more instrumental tracks before I dedicate time to make vocal tracks. 
=====

Now, I'm waiting for the upcoming reunion later this month to hear what my former classmates are up to. Some I know are having great careers and great adventures. Others might still be struggling with self-doubt and are facing a midlife crisis.  Either way, it would be good to network again and lift each other's spirits. 

Saint Francis School: end of an era

Saint Francis School, a small Catholic school located near the University of Hawaii at Manoa campus, has seen its final day.

The school serves students from preschool to high school. There was also an adult day care on campus, making it a place where people of various ages come together as one community.

For decades, Saint Francis School was an all-girl's school until 2006 when it went co-ed.  A few years later, a former all-boys Catholic school Damien Memorial School, also went co-ed.

This was a part of a changing tide when formerly one-gender schools became co-ed. This was especially the case for schools that didn't have a brother/sister school nearby. Both Damien and Saint Francis are in different parts of Honolulu, making it inconvenient for parents who drive their kids in the morning. 

Meanwhile, Sacred Hearts Academy (all girls) and Saint Louis School (all boys) are within walking distance from each other, so they'll probably remain one-gender schools for a long time. Many brothers/sisters and boyfriend/girlfriends are in those schools. 

As Saint Francis School added more boys to its population, the school decided to have its own football team. The problem is that the school has a very tiny campus, and football requires many players on a team. The sport also requires expensive equipment for all the players.  There's no way that school could ever compete on a level playing field with larger private schools like Punahou, Kamehameha or Saint Louis.  Saint Francis School would've been better off just sticking with less expensive sports like basketball or volleyball. 

Saint Francis School did charge lower tuition as compared to other private schools. The problem was that it just wasn't enough to sustain the school. The parent organization, Sisters of Saint Francis of the Neumann Communities, was subsidizing the school for years but could no longer afford to do so. 

In September 2017, the principal Sister Joan of Arc Souza (also an alumnus) did get some controversy for stating in a Midweek article that the Catholic Church needs to be more accepting of the LGBT. 

Jade Moon, “The Big Champion of st. Francis,” Midweek, September 12, 2017,
http://www.midweek.com/st-francis-school-sister-joan-of-arc-souza/



At the end of the school year, she was fired. Coincidence? Probably not.
(note: The parent organization Sisters of Saint Francis of the Neumann Communities didn't mention that issue as a reason for the firing but come on, it can't be a coincidence)

Dan Nakaso, “Longtime Leader of st. Francis School Ousted,” Honolulu Star-Advertiser, June 14, 2019
https://www.staradvertiser.com/2018/06/14/hawaii-news/longtime-leader-of-st-francis-school-ousted/



Then this school year, Casey Asato was hired to be the first male Head of School to this formerly all-girls school.   This would be the only school-year since it was announced in January that the school would have to shut down. 

Many alumni have stated that they weren't informed by the organization about the school's financial problems before the shutdown was announced. 

Leila Fujimori, “Saint Francis Alumni Meet and Are Still Hopeful,” Honolulu Star-Advertiser, January 11, 2019
https://www.staradvertiser.com/2019/01/11/hawaii-news/saint-francis-alumni-meet-and-are-still-hopeful/

But many were upset with the announcement and that the Catholic school’s board of directors failed to inform them sooner of its financial troubles, which they were told Thursday had been going on for 1-1/2 to two years.

“It caught us off-guard. It’s a sad situation because it’s a part of all of us,” said Sister Frances Therese Souza, a 1961 graduate. “The thought that keeps coming to us is why didn’t they let us know sooner, because if they did, we would have helped. We want to try and help … save it.”

and more

Kanakolu Noa, 36, a 2000 grad, said the board waited too long to inform alumni.

She said in order to succeed, the board will need a change in mindset regarding fundraising, and partnerships, both public and private, including businesses and partner schools. She questioned some decisions such as the fundraising committee being told not to call major donors.

She said the person heading the board’s fundraising committee had not done much and had been in the role for only a year.

Noa said the decision not to tell the community sooner for fear parents and students would get nervous was not in the school’s best interest.

“That’s when you activate the community,” said Noa, a former teacher and current manager of strategy development at Kamehameha Schools.

Noa said the school could have reached out to Hawaii Independent Schools. She said Saint Louis School and Damien Memorial School also went through similar situations.

This lack of communication is horrible, as its the students who are hurt by this. The students will now have to scramble to find another school for the next school year.  

Contrast this to when Saint Louis School was having declining enrollment and financial troubles (circa 2010-2011).    The school notified its alumni who came together to donate funds to save the school. Not only was the school saved from a shutdown,  but also the enrollment went up,  and renovations were done. This is how a school retains the trust of the community. 

=======

I have worked as a substitute teacher on the Saint Francis campus under the private organization Kelly Services. I first went there in August 2012.  I was in the high school part of the campus. My first impression was "damn, this is small for a high school campus". It was just one building and a lawn. My mind was so accustomed to large public school campuses that it was a culture shock to experience tiny private school campuses. (I later experienced the same feeling at Maryknoll's high school campus).

The elementary/middle school was in a separate part of campus, and both levels shared the same building. I spent more time with the elementary/middle school part of the campus.  The first time I was in the elementary/middle school building, I was in the 4th/5th grade class. It was wonderful. 

Kindergarten? When we had recess in the gym, it was just me supervising 3 classes. What a nightmare. The school secretary later apologized for not providing more help. 

The middle school classes? One memory was when the regular math teacher came back from a field trip and was horrified by the students not sitting in the correct seats. I apologized to him about the situation, and his response was "they should know".

Another time, one middle schooler claimed to be finished early (with low-quality output) kept making unnecessary comments and was warned repeatedly. I was so angry and yelled at him to go to the office. The following year, one student told me "you remember ______ who you yelled at last year? He's going to be in this class". There he was, causing more trouble. He later told the principal exaggerations about the way I expressed my frustrations towards him and other misbehaving students. 

It's been a while since I last been on the campus. I have since moved on away from substitute teaching and towards full-time library work. 

I definitely felt a sense of community within the school campus, and it is sad to see it all come to an end. This will definitely be a traumatic thing for all the students who have to find another campus next year.  Their hearts will definitely be broken for what was lost! 



==============

More articles on the situation at Saint Francis School

Official announcement from the school's website, posted on February 14, 2019
https://stfrancis-oahu.org/school_closure/

Susan Essoyan, “Saint Francis School in Manoa Will Close Entirely at End of Academic Year,” Honolulu Star-Advertiser, February 14, 2019, 
https://www.staradvertiser.com/2019/02/14/breaking-news/saint-francis-school-in-manoa-will-close-entirely-at-end-of-academic-year/


Susan Essoyan, “Financial Woes Lead to Decision to Close Saint Francis School,” Honolulu Star-Advertiser, February 15, 2019, 
https://www.staradvertiser.com/2019/02/15/hawaii-news/saint-francis-school-to-close/




On the school's final commencement ceremony

Michael Tsai, “Saint Francis School Celebrates Bittersweet Final Commencement,” Honolulu Star-Advertiser, May 26, 2019, 
https://www.staradvertiser.com/2019/05/26/hawaii-news/the-final-graduating-class-at-95-year-old-saint-francis-school-celebrates-a-bittersweet-commencement-ceremony/

In memory of Dick Tomey (1938 - 2019)

Earlier this month, the legendary football coach Dick Tomey has passed away. He was 80 years old.

He was the head coach at several colleges including Hawaii, Arizona, and San Jose State.  He was also an assistant coach at UCLA and Texas. 

Star-Advertiser archives

Dick Tomey when he was coaching at Hawaii

As a person from Hawaii, much of this blog post will be from that perspective. 

He came to UH back in 1977 when the team was going through some struggles. The previous coach Larry Price (later known as a radio host) quit, and many players considered transferring to other schools. Other coaches contacted to take the position refused.  Many people thought Tomey was crazy to step down from his assistant position at UCLA to take over a struggling UH team. 

UH didn't struggle for much longer. It was a beginning of the glory years at UH when the defenses became top-ranked, and the stadium became the place to be. This era had the biggest crowds that Aloha Stadium has ever seen. 

It was also a time when many future NFL players were on the team including Jesse Sapolu, Mark Tuinei, Rich Miano, and the Noga brothers (Niko, Al).  This inspired the top local players to play for the home team, as well as inspired players from elsewhere to join the fun in Hawaii.

Sadly, all great things come to an end. In 1986, Tomey accepted a higher paying job at the University of Arizona, where he stayed until 2000. Tomey's defense there became known as the Desert Swarm, coinciding with the era when the US had its first war with Iraq. 

Tomey's Desert Swarm came to Hawaii in 1998 to give UH its first loss of its winless season that year. 🤮

Star-Bulletin

Dick Tomey (then coaching for Arizona) talking to UH coach Fred von Appen after the game in1998. This was UH's 1st loss of what will be its winless season. 

Tomey later came back to Hawaii as an opponent when he was coaching the San Jose State Spartans back in 2005-2009.

Star-Advertiser

Dick Tomey (coaching for San Jose State) being consoled by UH  coach June Jones after losing to the home team in 2006.

Even with all these years as UH's opponents, Hawaii was always a part of Tomey's heart. In 2002,  he teamed up with Jim Leahy to do the TV sportscasts for the UH football games. And in 2011, Tomey was back coaching at UH, this time as an assistant with Coach Mack (Gregg McMackin).  🎉

Sadly, the entire Mack's team were fired at the end of the season, to be replaced by the over-rated Norm Chow.  🤮

That was the last time Dick Tomey coached!

 He was well loved in Hawaii not only for his football success but also his respect for the Hawaiian culture. Outsiders (especially those of European ancestry) have to work twice as hard to earn the respect here. Dick Tomey has earned that respect. 


==============

Dick Tomey wrote a book about his experience as a UH football coach. The book is titled " Rise of the Rainbow Warriors".

online shoppers can buy it here straight from the publisher
https://www.bookshawaii.net/books/sports/rise-of-the-rainbow-warriors.html

Watermark Publishing

"Rise of the Rainbow Warriors" by Dick Tomey

To learn more about Dick Tomey's legacy in Hawaii, check out these following articles

Ferd Lewis, “Dick Tomey, Trail-Blazing Football Coach at the University of Hawaii, Dies at 80,” Honolulu Star-Advertiser, May 11, 2019, 
https://www.staradvertiser.com/2019/05/11/sports/sports-breaking/dick-tomey-trail-blazing-football-coach-at-the-university-of-hawaii-dies-at-80/


Ferd Lewis, “Former University of Hawaii Football Coach Dick Tomey Lived Aloha,” Honolulu Star-Advertiser, May 12, 2019, 
https://www.staradvertiser.com/2019/05/12/sports/former-university-of-hawaii-football-coach-dick-tomey-lived-aloha/


David McCracken, “Hawaii Football ‘Ohana Reacts to Dick Tomey’s Death,” Hawaii News Now, May 11, 2019, 
https://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/2019/05/11/hawaii-football-ohana-reacts-dick-tomeys-death/


Dave Reardon, “Dick Tomey Was a Coach, and Not Just of Football Players,” Hawaii Warrior World, May 11, 2019, 
https://www.hawaiiwarriorworld.com/football/tomey-was-a-coach-and-not-just-of-football-players/?fbclid=IwAR2lDu7Zxp4jDal5FAtRTq8geIsiVwSZG09zeBW9n3q6ghnkSVpnR84x08U