I'm now 4 decades old!
That's right, I'm now 40 years old!
So much for the big 4-0 party plans
This was supposed to be my big year. This is 2020! Being born in 1980, that means I have lived 20 years in the 20th century, and 20 years in this century!
From last year, I was looking forward to having a big celebration for my 40th birthday. Maybe a karaoke party, then dancing at the nightclubs. I did something like that for my 30th birthday, but I wanted something like that on a bigger scale for the 40th.
I was also looking forward to Halloween this year since it would be on a Saturday! Partying on a Halloween Saturday would've been epic!
However, everything changed with the pandemic! All large scale gatherings are canceled for the rest of the year! No big parties for me this time around 😢
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Remembering my 30's
Off my top of my head, my favorite things about being in my 30's
- My time as a graduate student at UH-Manoa from 2013-2015 working on my degree in Library & Information Science (LIS). Not only taking classes, but also joining student organizations, and enjoying all the perks of being in college again. Also, spending hours at the library is like heaven to me!
- I joined Friends of the Library of Hawaii (FLH) during my time in the LIS program and I'm still a member. I mostly volunteered with their annual booksales as well at their mini-bookstore Books@Mark's on First Fridays. Sadly, much of that has been canceled by the pandemic
- I had plenty of adventures at the nightclubs during my 30's. Though some people had their best nightclub adventures in their 20's, mines were in my 30's. During that time I experienced Rumours, Villa, Rumfire, SkyWaikiki, Tiki's, District, Moose, Oceans808, Haus, Heart Moon, and more. Being that nightclubs are a fickle business, many of what I listed already shut down ever before the pandemic, and some might not even survive the pandemic. It might be years before the club scene will ever go back to what it was. But I can say I was blessed with some wonderful experiences during my 30's. I'm proud to say that it did all sober! Great music and great people is all you need!
- I did become more proficient with computer technology during my 30's. Don't get wrong, I already was blogging in my 20's. I was on social media since the myspace days. However, I relied on libraries & internet cafes to do my computer work. My time as a student in UHM's LIS program helped me in learning to do more with the computer including power-points, spreadsheets, databases, websites, digitization & more. I finally joined the smartphone era in 2013, and I finally got a desktop computer & internet access at home in 2015. And with my desktop, I learned to use music-making & video editing software to expand my multi-media outreach beyond just writing blogs.
- I finally got around to becoming a music maker in my 30's. I did some talent shows in high school & college. I was seriously considering becoming a rapper/singer/producer but didn't want to be signed to a label because I wanted to do my own thing. But starting a label was too expensive and I spent most of my later 20's and early 30's focusing on getting steady work to pay for my immediate needs. It was only when I was 35 when I got a desktop computer that I started making music on the computer. Had I been born 20 years later, I would've been able to do this in my teens but this technology wasn't available to the general public when I was a teen. Anyways, in the 2nd half of my 30's, I started working on & selling instrumental tracks under my alias Pablo the Mad Tiger Warrior. I did make some money on it, but not enough to pay my rent. But you can always help by going to iTunes 😉! I do have some new music coming out in the near future.
- Reconciliation with family. Whatever grievances I had were dealt with. I wrote letters, I had discussions. We had a greater understanding of each other.
Mid-life crisis
Some people tend to be insecure about their age, reluctant to share information like "what year you grad from high school?"
As for me, I have no shame to admit I was born in 1980, grad from high school in 1999.
What's the point of hiding that fact? You are what you are! It's useless to pretend you're still in your 20's when you're 40!
There's already a generation gap between me and the new generation of young adults. Our life experiences are different! That's not to say one is better than the other, it's just different.
I'll admit, I am facing a mid-life crisis.
I expected to be richer than I really am! I expected my career to be at a higher level than it really is.
I had a lot of dreams earlier in my life to be a musician & record label executive. That got put on the side as I focused on getting steady work to pay for immediate needs. I did reconnect with that dream when I started making & selling instrumental tracks back in 2016, but I'm nowhere near the opulent lifestyle you see in rap videos. It's made harder by the chump change in the streaming era! And let's forget being a teen idol at my age!
I did finally got a full-time library job last year, but I left due to knowing that I didn't have a compatible partnership with the head librarian. The drama just wasn't worth my time! Why waste my time putting my mental health at risk in that situation?
I did some temp jobs recently and I'm now between temp jobs at this point. I don't like talking about job searches because every single time I tell anyone "I'm applying here" or "I'm interviewing there", I never get the job. It's only when I keep it a secret from everyone else that I get the job!
And for me (and many people my age), it's hard not to feel outdated. Libraries and music work was already in the decline before the pandemic, and it's gotten even worse with the pandemic.
I did gain some weight recently and I do get more tired than before when going up hills. And I sprained my ankle 2 months ago. I can walk unaided for now, but I have to remind myself to walk slower to avoid accidents that causes sprains.
I already know people my age who have either died from health problems or have become disabled due to health ailments!
I think that's about all the pessimism I want to express for now. I just needed to get it out of my system.
Room for Optimism
However, not everything has to go downhill from here!
People have accomplished things after dealing with various struggles. People have accomplished things in their 40's.
Who knows, some wonderful opportunities and adventures might come my way!
Hopefully, the world can eliminate (or at least greatly reduce) the coronavirus pandemic!
And hopefully, I can not only survive but also thrive in my 40's!
My goal is to have more bragging rights when I write my 50th birthday blog post. And more importantly, to be able to express pride in my accomplishments with humility by then!
