If I say "saltwater", does that mean I'm saying that "all water is saltwater"?
It's obvious that the answer to both questions is NO!
But once you say the words "toxic masculinity", the so-called "real men" (and their female defenders) start screeching "how dare you say masculinity is toxic!"
It's like saying "how dare you say all trees are oak trees" when all you said was that oak trees exist!
The reason there is talk about "toxic masculinity" is because too males grow up with the attitude that I should do whatever I want (bully weaker boys, harass women, disrespect teachers, vandalize property) because "that's how I prove that I'm a man and not a sissy boy" and "f--- you, because I can".
Yes, there are some extreme feminists who think that all boys are rapists/sexists/abusers/mansplainers by default and that they should all be treated guilty until proven innocent.
However, the Gillette advertisement that is getting so much controversy isn't saying that at all!
Gillette advertisement:
We Believe: The Best Men Can Be
It was encouraging males to use their masculinity to help others. In other words, it was promoting divine masculinity, the type of masculinity that encourages males to use their strength to help others!
If you are offended by that, then you are a scumbag who gets offended when someone stands up against your scumbag behavior. #TimesUp
To make matters even more bizarre, many of the FoxNews "conservatives" who acted so offended by a Gillette ad encouraging men to stand up to harassment were the same exact people who were cheering Bill Cosby when he demanded that his fellow African-Americans take education and parenting seriously! Those FoxNews conservatives were happy when Bill Cosby told African-Americans to stop blaming all your problems on racism. Yet, those FoxNews conservatives got all offended when Gillette told their male customers SIMILAR HARD TRUTHS that Bill Cosby told the African-American community.
(yeah, I know Bill Cosby is a hypocrite that told young African-American males to "pull your pants up" when he was forcing women's pants down when they were too intoxicated to fight back. I only mentioned his name to show how hypocritical the FoxNews conservatives are on these issues).
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Toxic and Divine versions of masculinity and femininity
So just there are freshwater and saltwater, there are toxic masculinity and divine masculinity.
And yes, there is such a thing as toxic femininity and divine femininity.
There is this chart on Facebook that describes Divine Feminine/Masculine Balance.
credit: Jeff Miller HP (facebook)
According to the chart
Divine Feminine is about Goodness,
and includes selflessness, energy for doing good, humility, contentment, perseverance, affection, compassion, patience, empathy, love.
Divine Masculine is about Strength
and includes strength, confidence, assertiveness, energy for achievement, endurance, dignity, curiosity, decisiveness, focus and reason.
Toxic Feminine is about Selfishness
and includes selfish, sabotaging, jealous, isolated, withholding, impatient, blame, despair.
Toxic Masculine is about Weakness
and includes weak, self-loathing, angry, intimidated, boastful, reckless, indecisive, cowardice.
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There's another chart about the positive and negative versions of masculinity and femininity
According to the chart............
Positive Femininity is Patient, Sensitive, Devoted, Responsible and Appreciative.
Negative Femininity is Timid, Weak, Needs Approval, Dependent and Nervous.
Positive Masculinity is Strong, Confident, Firm, Forceful, and Carefree.
Negative Masculinity is Aggressive, Bossy, Sarcastic, Rude and Feels Superior.
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I've already had a few blog posts relating to toxic masculinity, and the psychological harm it causes to males who don't fit the traditional masculine mold. You can read from the following links
Pablo Wegesend, “What is 'Be a Man' supposed to mean,” November 2, 2013
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2013/11/what-is-be-man-supposed-to-mean.html
Pablo Wegesend, “Locker room, manhood, and bullying,” January 3, 2014
https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2014/01/locker-room-manhood-and-bullying.html
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On Toxic Femininity and how it causes psychological harm to females who don't fit the traditional feminine mode, I found this article from Medium
Devon Price, “Toxic Femininity Holds All of Us Back,” Medium, December 31, 2018,
https://medium.com/s/story/toxic-femininity-is-a-thing-too-513088c6fcb3
Toxic femininity is not the same thing as simple “sexism,” but sexism and toxic femininity are certainly partners in crime. Sexism says that a woman is too frail or docile to play a contact sport; toxic femininity says that you don’t want to play football anyway, sweetie, you would look horrible and sweaty in the helmet and pads. Sexism is focused on robbing women of status and rights; toxic femininity is about defining womanhood so shallowly that a woman feels de-gendered by basic human acts or neutral preferences. Both factors lead to women being compressed into impossibly tight, uncomfortable shapes. One is the carrot and the other is the stick.and more
I received a lot of toxic-femininity-based advice as a child and teen. I was told that not wanting to have children made me unacceptably unfeminine. Classmates said that my voice was unsuitably low and, worse, that I used it in a masculine way: I sang like a boy, and I declared things with flat confidence. I didn’t care about makeup throughout my middle school and high school years until some particularly vicious acne started to rear its head and I embraced powders and creams as a way to cover it up. I didn’t carry a purse.
People worked very hard to remedy these things for me. Friends gave me late-night makeovers that made me cry, parents and grandparents gifted me with handbags and bottles of beige stuff, peers looked deep into my purple under-eye circles and asked me why I had them. They were all trying to help, dispensing practical advice for how to win in a system that ought to have been dismantled rather than gamed.
It was all toxic femininity. It was a cultural disease. It was nobody’s fault. And everyone around me suffered from it too.
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on Divine Masculinity and Divine Femininity
“Divine Balance, When Masculine Aligns with Feminine,” Beyond the Ordinary Show
https://www.beyondtheordinaryshow.com/spiritual-dictionary/divine-balance-masculine-feminine/
DIVINE MASCULINEThe Divine Masculine represents a spiritual, psychological and archetypal ideal of masculine energy. It is the highest, most inspiring and truest expression of masculinity that is manifested through thoughts, actions and beliefs.The common misconception is that divine masculine is inherent to the male population. However, all of mankind has intrinsic Divine Masculine characteristics, such as logic, rationality, strength and leadership. These aspects of human personality or behaviors are deemed masculine, and depending on their expression through an individual, they can be balanced or imbalanced. Is one rational at the expense of a lack of emotional maturity? Is one’s strength overpowering, overbearing, or ego-driven? These are signs that the masculine energy is imbalanced.A healthy representation of the Divine Masculine is witnessed through a person who is strong, but gentle. He has an appropriate action of guidance and leadership without the need of praise or ego-stroking. He turns away from greed and conflict, and instead stays in a space of honor, honesty and diplomacy. He is confident but not arrogant, and adventurous but not reckless. He is someone you want to follow and makes you feel safe, supported and protected either physically, emotionally, or spiritually.DIVINE FEMININEThe Divine Feminine is the manifestation of the purest form of feminine expression. Because of the patriarchal system that has developed throughout time, the Divine Feminine has been degraded, looked down upon and oppressed. But as time passes and human evolution marches forward, there has been a rekindling in the need for devotion and commitment to the Divine Feminine. A balance of both inherent energies will be necessary to continue progress. And now, all men and women alike are called to empower the Divine Feminine.A healthy representation of the Divine Feminine is kind, generous, wise and supportive. With the continued growth of mankind dependent on the health of its women, the Divine Feminine represents the ultimate mother–fertile, intuitive, patient, nurturing and healing. She is the representation of growth, not just in a physical way, but also emotionally and spiritually. We all birth something – an idea, a friendship, a business plan, a family – and it is the Divine Feminine within us all that brings it into full fruition.
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And for more links to articles related to the Gillette controversy
Christopher Muther, “The Backlash to the Gillette Ad Is Exactly Why It’s Needed,” Boston Globe, January 16, 2019,
https://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2019/01/15/the-backlash-gillette-exactly-why-needed/PnO4dpkyoTFYgh1LcIe5HO/story.html
Do you know who isn’t taking to Twitter to complain about the Gillette ad? Those of us who have been bullied, beat up, and sexually victimized. When I watched the ad, I didn’t see tanks gathering at the border of masculinity. I saw myself, and it nearly brought tears to my eyes.
When a distraught young boy is shown being held protectively by his mother with text bubbles that read “Sissy” and “Everyone hates you” surrounding them, I was transported back to my high school track team, which I eventually abandoned because I was tired of being called “faggot” and “queer.”
When a teenager is shown running from a pack of boys who eventually catch him and begin beating him, I flashed back to a pack of junior high bullies who slowly started tormenting me with spitballs and eventually worked their way up to punching me in the back of the head whenever they walked past me.
In the eighth grade, I skipped school for three weeks, not because I didn’t like my classes, but because I was scared of the bullies and too ashamed to talk to anyone about it. I have wonderful parents, but I didn’t want to feel as if I was letting them down. I kept quiet.
and more
Many of the hundreds of thousands of complaints against “The Best a Man Can Be” come from men who feel that the ad, which was directed by a woman, paints all men as bullies, sexist, or predators. I’m not an advertising expert, but it’s clear to me this ad isn’t calling you names. It’s asking you to be an example to your children by not calling other people names. This ad is not trying to emasculate you; it’s asking you to treat people with respect.
I do have one gripe with the ad. I wish it had debuted during the 1989 Super Bowl rather than the original “The Best a Man Can Get” ad, which was a halcyon vision of sweaty feats of athleticism, featuring Wall Street bros with women as arm candy and father-son bonding. If the younger, more timid 1989 version of me had seen the new ad, perhaps I would have spoken up. Maybe I would have fought back or been able to help a close friend who was bullied to the point of suicide.
I can’t turn back time, so instead I’ll defend Gillette against the naysayers who are somehow offended by its positive message. This soy boy is no longer afraid.
And if so-called "real men" don't like it when so-called "soy boys" answer back to them, my attitudes towards those so-called "real men" is
with all due respect, eff your feelings!
