OK, some of you might laughing, and wondering "what's wrong with this guy, needing advice from dating advice people?" Continue laughing a few more seconds, then I'll explain.
Whether you're single, dating or married, it's still good to get a daily dose of information of how each gender views dating, relationships, etc. And on what turns the other genders on or off!
After all, MOST parents and MOST schools teach NOTHING about this issue! Too controversial! Too uncomfortable for some to talk about! Plus, "don't people figure this out automatically?"
Yeah, most parents think their kids will figure this out automatically. Then they wonder why when their kids grow up, they get divorced, abused, etc.
No, I don't think any of their advice is the "Word of God". I don't automatically agree with stuff people say!
But they do write interesting stuff, and I learned a lot of stuff that my family and schools DIDN'T teach me!
Anyways, those topics can be controversial, especially on gender differences.
But let's be blunt, there are differences between an average male and an average female!
But not everyone is average. While the average man is bigger than an average woman, we all know short men and tall woman.
Now, let's look at gender differences in behavior.
Let's be blunt, on AVERAGE, males & females deal with their problems differently. THAT is what I want to write about!
Look at this link, from David Cunningham's blog "The Man's Blog for Relationship and Marriage Help"
http://blog.makingherhappy.com/2010/03/what-women-really-want-sharing-drama-of.html
From the above link, a woman named Allyson is petrified that her husband doesn't want to spend time talking about his problems.
Dear David:AAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!! I need some help. I am totally frustrated! My husband and I have been married for a year now. We are happy and communicate wonderfully except in one area. When we sit down to dinner, that is our time to talk. I ask him how his day was and get the standard [one-word] answers, fine, ok, good, rotten...etc. That's it, except when he is having an incredible day and tells me of the rewards. I want to know the good and the bad, but he won't talk about them. If he did tell me it would be great, I would continue to get to know him and how he functions and solves problems.All other aspects of our marriage are great, he is kind, courteous and an incredible Alpha male but that one area drives me nuts. I have tried to prod and probe and he just says "leave it alone, I don't want to talk about it". What can I do to make him talk or am I going about it the wrong way, the nagging wife syndrome?Can you help me?
Alyson
After that, David Cunningham informs Allyson that while MOST FEMALES bond with each other by sharing the latest details of their everyday dramas MOST MALES do not want to spend time talking about their problems! What he wrote would be too long for my blog post, but this is what I wrote to Mr Cunningham about Allyson's situation.
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Me:
On Alyson's email to you, where she said "I ask him how his day was and get the standard [one-word] answers, fine, ok, good, rotten...etc. "
What Alyson needs to understand that us men think that being asked about our own depressing problems is TORTURE!
Correction: Not just torture, but MEGA-TORTURE, SUPER-TORTURE, ULTRA-TORTURE, KING OF TORTURE!
A perfect recipe to get a guy to dump you or have an affair with someone else!
Ladies, understand this: STOP DEMANDING WE TALK IN LENGTH ABOUT OUR PROBLEMS! That's torture to us! If we want to let it all out, let us do so when we're ready! Ladies need to be patient with guys on that one!
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People, please read what those paragraphs again! And again! This is important!
To the females who think I'm stereotyping them as "wanting to irritate us by asking about our problems", I will tell that there also some males who also irritate us with non-stop asking about our problems.
In fact, I know this one male who thinks it's a good idea to bond with friends by talking about his latest dramas. And not just that, he actually thinks it's a good idea to ask me about all my problems of my past. Even to ask me about my conflicts with people I haven't seen 1999! (This is 2010 dammit)
This is what most males consider VERY ANNOYING!
How do most guys deal with such stuff if they don't bond by talking about their problems?
Most males avoid the topic generally. We rather talk about other stuff. Our time with friends is time to GET AWAY from our problems! To act as if they don't exist! We demand to be distracted from them!
But if they do deal with those problems, they'll use Violence & Humor!
The most natural thing is to get your homeboys and knock the crap out of someone who is disrespecting you! In extreme cases, this can lead to a drive-by shooting or one of those school shootings!
Obviously, that could land you in a prison, where there's a bunch of guys who are bigger, tougher and more psychotic than you! A no win situation!
But since most of us don't want to end up in prison, and let's face it, most of us wouldn't even have the guts to fight a bunch of guys whose friends can outnumber and outmuscle us!
This is why me and most of my friends will make jokes about people we find annoying!
Sure, in the first few minutes, one of us is mad about the latest person or situation. But one of us will then make jokes about it, then we're not mad anymore, we're laughing at the person or situation that is annoying us! :) (of course, we do it behind that other person's back, especially if that person is tougher and has a bad temper)
Of course, we try to be mature about it, so we DEFINITELY AVOID jokes that insult racial or cultural groups, DEFINITELY AVOID jokes glorifying rape, genocide, etc. Decent people can be funny without being vulgar!
Back to that one male who likes to ask people about their problems. He probably doesn't mean to irritate us, he's just similar to many girls in that he thinks it's a good idea to bond with others by not only discussing all our problems [too much of that is also annoying], but he also wants to ask me about all my past problems EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY ANSWERED THOSE QUESTIONS MULTIPLE TIMES ALREADY [ SUPER-IRRITATING]
Now, that guy doesn't usually presents himself in a feminine manner, doesn't dress like a girl, his voice is lower than mines, and based on his stories in adult entertainment centers, he's as straight as you can get!
The whole point is while females are more likely to nag us to talk about our problems, there are some straight males who do the same.
Either way, it's annoying as hell!
If someone doesn't want to talk about their problems or dramas, THEN STOP ASKING! Less you nag, the sooner that person will be willing to talk about these issues, and the sooner the person will be ready to joke about it!
I mean, even suspected criminals have the right to remain silent when interrogated by authorities. Shouldn't you at least allow your friends to remain silent?
[One last note: If you think I am talking about you in this blog post, maybe it is, and I might've already talked to you about it already! I don't mention names. But I think this issue is important stuff for people to know, I just left out people's names since names aren't an important part of this discussion anyways. This doesn't involve people I work with, so this doesn't violate any confidentiality rules that some jobs require about on-the-job stuff!]
