I want to mention a conversation that irritated the shit out of me. That conversation happened a few years ago. One night, I was still mad about a friend saying he was going to visit my dorm room, yet backed out because someone else invited him AFTER I invited him. (by the way, I no longer talk to that guy for UNRELATED reasons)
Anyways, I mentioned that to my then-roommate! My then-roommate said ONE OF THE MOST STUPIDEST THINGS I'VE EVER HEARD! He told me to forget about it and that gettin mad is letting that "friend" win! That roommate thought what he said will make me less mad! In reality, he made me more mad!
But later I realize that I can't blame my roommate totally. He's not a bad person, it's just that all his life, he was taught a whole bunch of useless cliches. But he's not the only one who believed such useless cliches! I have family members, aquaintances, whatever, who believe such crap!
So what are those useless cliches and how do I interpret them? I will tell you right now!
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Cliche #1 - "Just forget about it already"
MY RESPONSE: Usually someone says this when I am talking about a problem I have with someone else. People who say "just forget about it already" dont understand basic psychology. When one goes through a bad experience, there's no way in hell one will forget about it, no matter how hard one tries. Things will linger in the mind no matter what! All that cliche does is make someone more mad at you, not make someone less mad about the situation. This is common sense.
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Cliche #2 - "you can't live in the past"
MY RESPONSE: Excuse me, just because I am talking about the past, that doesnt mean my mind is stuck there. The present and the future is connected to the past! To pretend otherwise is idiotic. Sometimes, to notice patterns, one must look at his/her past. One can figure out what went well and what went wrong by thinking and talking about the past!
Plus, it's natural for one to think about the past. This is basic psychology we're talking about here.
Cliche #2 - "you can't live in the past"
MY RESPONSE: Excuse me, just because I am talking about the past, that doesnt mean my mind is stuck there. The present and the future is connected to the past! To pretend otherwise is idiotic. Sometimes, to notice patterns, one must look at his/her past. One can figure out what went well and what went wrong by thinking and talking about the past!
Plus, it's natural for one to think about the past. This is basic psychology we're talking about here.
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Cliche #3 - "why be mad about something you can't change?"
MY RESPONSE: I'm mad precisely because I can't change it! If I could change something, I would've done it already! If one wants something changed but is not able to do it, of course that person is going to be mad. This is basic psychology we're talking about here.
Cliche #3 - "why be mad about something you can't change?"
MY RESPONSE: I'm mad precisely because I can't change it! If I could change something, I would've done it already! If one wants something changed but is not able to do it, of course that person is going to be mad. This is basic psychology we're talking about here.
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Cliche #4 - "If you show anger at someone pissing you off, they'll win"
MY RESPONSE: Who comes up with such nonsense? Showing anger is a sign of being realistic about what is happening. Harmful people win if you don't retaliate! When one doesn't retaliate or protest, the harmful person thinks the victim is scared, weak, and vulnerable. Trust me, there were times when I did nothing when people pissed me off! No fights, no arguments, nothing!
Cliche #4 - "If you show anger at someone pissing you off, they'll win"
MY RESPONSE: Who comes up with such nonsense? Showing anger is a sign of being realistic about what is happening. Harmful people win if you don't retaliate! When one doesn't retaliate or protest, the harmful person thinks the victim is scared, weak, and vulnerable. Trust me, there were times when I did nothing when people pissed me off! No fights, no arguments, nothing!
All that did was indirectly tell those people that I was weak and soft, and therefore an easy target. And the times I did stand up for myself showed people that I am not an ass kisser, not an easy target. When one stands up for oneself, even if it's a delayed reaction, it empowers oneself over the harasser.
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Cliche #5 - "the only way to not have conflict is to not have enemies"
MY RESPONSE: Yeah, and the only way to not get raped is to not have genitals, mouth or an anus. Off course, that is unrealistic, since no one can survive without those body parts. And enemies can pop out of nowhere! What some naive people dont realize is that there are some people who love to cause trouble for no good reason. Being nice to those people will be interpreted as weakness. No amount of reasoning, pleading, or singing "let's give a peace a chance" will stop those people from harming you or others.
Cliche #5 - "the only way to not have conflict is to not have enemies"
MY RESPONSE: Yeah, and the only way to not get raped is to not have genitals, mouth or an anus. Off course, that is unrealistic, since no one can survive without those body parts. And enemies can pop out of nowhere! What some naive people dont realize is that there are some people who love to cause trouble for no good reason. Being nice to those people will be interpreted as weakness. No amount of reasoning, pleading, or singing "let's give a peace a chance" will stop those people from harming you or others.
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Cliche #6- "violence doesn't solve anything"
MY RESPONSE: Just because violence doesn't solve everything doesn't erase the fact that violence has solved some problems. We didn't stop Hitler by singing "where is the love?" We did it through violent action! And in personal matters, sometimes a hard slap, kick in the groin, a poke in the eye, or a series of punches can stop someone harrassing you. Sometimes, those things are more effective than begging for respect or trying to logically reason with them. But if your hits aren't devastating hits, then it won't do much. Maybe pulling out a gun might do the trick, though the politically correct might disaprove. But when you are in danger, the hell with political correctness. If that makes you uncomfortable, then you might have to resort to calling the authority, who must threaten force if neccessary. Violence is the last resort but sometimes, the last resort is all you have left.
Cliche #6- "violence doesn't solve anything"
MY RESPONSE: Just because violence doesn't solve everything doesn't erase the fact that violence has solved some problems. We didn't stop Hitler by singing "where is the love?" We did it through violent action! And in personal matters, sometimes a hard slap, kick in the groin, a poke in the eye, or a series of punches can stop someone harrassing you. Sometimes, those things are more effective than begging for respect or trying to logically reason with them. But if your hits aren't devastating hits, then it won't do much. Maybe pulling out a gun might do the trick, though the politically correct might disaprove. But when you are in danger, the hell with political correctness. If that makes you uncomfortable, then you might have to resort to calling the authority, who must threaten force if neccessary. Violence is the last resort but sometimes, the last resort is all you have left.
