private locker room stalls

A few days earlier, I had a blog post on "gender-neutral restrooms"
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2016/05/gender-neutral-restrooms.html


I mentioned about privacy issues related to restrooms


But what about locker rooms?

Whether it's for PE or at the YMCA, people need to change clothes and shower after exercise time!


But again, the privacy issue makes locker rooms very uncomfortable places!

This is especially true for middle & high schools, when the students are going through changes they still are struggling to understand, and when their peers respond to differences with a negative sense of humor!

In my case, I started growing body hairs early in life!

For others, it's the opposite, they start puberty late!

All this gets revealed in locker rooms where your peers act like jerks and tell their friends "hey you know that guy is super-hairy" or "that guy got no fuzz"

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Even worse was back in middle school (in my case, Kawananakoa Middle School) where the PE teacher Mr Andrade required every student to shower, and only open shower stalls were available!

I just got made fun out of for having body hairs, but other students got it worse!  I actually witnessed another student get peed on by another student! Yes, I actually saw that!

 I also heard that in another PE class, a student was pressured to "jagg off" and rumors went out about that situation. Being that I had an unrelated conflict with that student, when I heard the rumors, I made fun of that student, and THAT is one of my biggest regrets in my life!

The regret is so bad, that I spent years trying to find him on social media just to apologize to him! No luck in my search!

[2021 UPDATE: I finally found that person on Facebook and I apologized to him. He said he forgave me. I blogged about the issue at https://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2021/08/on-apologies-more.html]

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In high school (McKinley High School), we weren't required to take showers! Thank goodness, I just put on a lot of deodorant!

But I was accused of "looking" when all I was looking at was my locker!  The student  (whose name was Sai Feng) was a wannabe gangsta who liked to prank people and he thought it was a good idea to yell out "Ewww Pablo, stop looking or I'll bang your head into the locker"

THAT MEANT WAR! I was so angry that I didn't care that he was a few inches taller or that his homies outnumbered mine! I called him out to a fight, and he walked away! I then yelled "Wannabe Gangsta" out loud!

By the way, his friends didn't get involved! I was cool with some of his other friends, so they didn't harm me!
[well: except his one friend who I fought with a few year earlier! That same person lost an eye in a fight a few years later (hint, hint)]

---


It is experiences like these that I believe that school locker rooms should have private stalls with doors so that students can have privacy when changing and showering!  And less false accusations of "looking" by wannabe gangster pranksters!


Of course, there should still be supervision that people don't invade stalls when other students are in them! Plus, maybe time limits!

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PS: check out this post from 2006 titled "Body Hair" about my experiences having excessive body hair

http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2006/02/body-hair-this-is-from-advice-column.html

Enough of this Affirmative Nonsense already!

I really can't wait until the Supreme Court eliminate this "affirmative nonsense" (aka "affirmative action") when people are given positions just for the sake of diversity! People need to EARN things, even if it's more challenging for some than others!

In this case, a Latino student at a mostly Asian-American school (wait, doesn't that sound familiar to my situation? LOL!) was offered a student president position by some idiot principal for the sake of diversity! It's as if the principal didn't have confidence that a Latino couldn't earn votes from Asian students! How's that for racist stereotyping?

That idiot principal needs to realize that part of the reason why Barack Obama was the 1st African-American to be ELECTED president was because early in his life, he had to learn to communicate with people different from him!

I mean, sheesh, if an Indian-American can win elections in Louisiana and South Carolina in REAL LIFE, then that idiot principal should step back, and allow racial minorities to EARN their student government positions!

---------------

This was in response to this news story coming out of San Francisco (which is supposedly more liberal than South Carolina, which actually elected an Indian-American governor IN REAL LIFE)

http://www.sfexaminer.com/sf-high-school-faces-backlash-eliminating-student-elections-engineer-diversity/

from that article

After it was announced that another student was selected for the vice president seat, Ortiz was called into the principal’s office on three occasions, his mother said. Faculty twice encouraged him to become freshman treasurer.

On the third occasion, Ortiz and the white student who was selected as vice president were both called into the office. Faculty then asked the appointed vice president to step down so that Ortiz could take her seat, which he declined.

“They were, like, bribing me into being on the student council,” said Ortiz, who, despite his last name, identifies as white. “It was basically a thanks, but no thanks.”

and more, this one from the idiot principal Cheryl Foster learning a hard lesson

Moeller took notes during the meeting and recorded Foster as saying, “We learned a lot from this, from children like [Ortiz], who didn’t want us to install them into posts they were not elected for.” 

In her statement to the Examiner, Foster said the process “worked to encourage non-traditional candidates and resulted in a diverse ninth grade group of officers.” In one case, a freshman had not considered running until he was recommended by faculty.
But a proposal at the school to make appointments in all grade levels this semester was shot down by students, Foster said.

Yeung, the junior treasurer, said she believed the elected process was the way to go.

“You should learn the skills to be able to say I want to run for this and here’s why, be able to tell people you should vote for me because this, this and this,” Yeung said. “I think that’s a great way for us to learn as students.” 

And I want to say this to politically correct idiots like that principal Cheryl Foster

I don't want your type of help! 

I don't want allies like you!  

Don't give me this "at least I'm not Donald Trump or Ann Coulter" because that is severely low standard to measure yourself by! 

Being called  "wetback piece of feces" is NOWHERE NEAR AS INSULTING as being given a message that I can't earn respect from Asians (or Anglos or Jews or African-Americans or whatevers)

Being called  "wetback piece of feces" is NOWHERE NEAR AS INSULTING as being  to be given a message that I could only get a position for the sake of fulfilling a diversity quota!

To hell with diversity quotas!

If someone who is Asian or Anglo or Jewish is more qualified for a position than I am................ THAN HIRE THAT MORE QUALIFIED PERSON! 

If I need surgery, I want the most qualified surgeon REGARDLESS if that surgeon is from an under-represented or over-represented ethnicity in the surgery profession! 

End this Affirmative Nonsense! 

Gender Neutral Restrooms

North Carolina passed a law requiring people to use the restrooms according to the gender on their birth certificate!  This brought tons of backlash against North Carolina over something that wouldn't be controversial in even the most liberal states 2 decades ago!

Why Separate Restrooms?

We already know why? Basically to give girls privacy during their most vulnerable moments! Basically to protect girls from silly perverted boys!

I mean if a girl go into a boy's bathroom, there isn't the level of freakout if a boy go into the girl's bathroom.

(by the way, in high school, I actually saw a girl smoking in the boy's bathroom. I actually knew that girl from the elementary school, and I was giggling while saying "harassment!". She actually begged for me not to tell the teachers. Later, I told my friend about the incident, and he said that wasn't the 1st time that same girl smoked in the boy's bathroom!  Years later, I contacted that same girl on myspace, and asked her straight up "why were you smoking in the boy's bathroom?" She responded with "Whaaaat? I dont' remember that. Probably because I was young and  young people do stupid things")

If any boy tried THAT, he most likely would've been beaten up, snitched on and expelled! 

What about gender non-conformists?

This is where things get tricky!

Especially for ultra-feminine males who dress totally like women!

In the men's restrooms, they risk being attacked by homophobic men!

In the women's restrooms, they risk being yelled at (and slapped) by angry women who feel that their private space is being intruded by a man!

So where do the transgender go to restroom?

Or what about those born with both male & female sex organs.


From Salon's interview with Dr.  Gerald N. Callahan
http://www.salon.com/2009/07/07/xx_xy/

Given that you work in the field of pathology, intersexuality isn’t exactly your immediate area of expertise. How did you end up writing this book?
The area I’m most involved with within pathology is immunology, which on one level is the study of how we manage to distinguish ourselves from the rest of the universe. I was preparing for a course when I came across an article that mentioned that 65,000 children are born of indeterminate sex each year. I thought that was amazing — because that was a much higher number of individuals than those afflicted by many diseases I was very aware of — and I began to wonder why I hadn’t heard about them.

You can learn more by reading http://www.salon.com/2009/07/07/xx_xy/

It's not only about the  transgendered and intersex!

What would parents do if they alone take their kids of the opposite gender out in public?

Lots of akwardness when you see a father taking his daughter to the men's restroom, and same when you see a mother take  her son to the women's restroom! 

But most people are understanding if that child is about preschool aged!

But older than that, not so much! Even though some mothers are nervous about even a 11-year old use the men's restroom alone due to fear of sexual predators!

But it's not just parents with young children!

It's also adults taking their elderly parents out in public!

Imagine being a man with a mother who is now stuck in a wheelchair and not able to take care of bodily functions alone!

Imagine being a woman with a father in the same condition!

Lots of akwardness in public restrooms in such situations.

It is all those situations why I think all buildings should have at least one single-stall restroom be gender-neutral restrooms!  On every floor!

Yes, we can lock those restrooms from the inside for privacy so that

• transgendered or intersex person can use the restroom in peace
• parents can help their under-aged or disabled children use the restroom
• adult caregivers can help their disabled parents/grandparents/aunties/uncles, etc use the restroom

Yes, we can still have boys-only and girls-only restrooms!

But let's also add  gender-neutral single-stall restrooms in every building!

=============

PS: During my time as a graduate student at UH-Manoa, I was in the Graduate Student Organization (GSO) and we voted in  a resolution to turn all single-stall restrooms on campus into gender-neutral restrooms.  That was in September 2015!

Here's the GSO resolution on gender-neutral restrooms

http://gso.hawaii.edu/gso2/files/advocacy/resolutions/2015.09%20Resolution%20on%20Gender%20Neutral%20Bathrooms.pdf

the legacy of a Prince

About a week ago, musician Prince Roger Nelson (aka "Prince") died in his mansion in Minnesota!

Prince was a singer who also played his guitar and his music combined elements of rock, funk, pop, R&B, hip-hop and more.

He started making records in the late 70's and rose to super-stardom in the 1980's, putting him as that decade's musical royalty along with Micheal Jackson and Madonna!  He continued making hits in the early 1990's, but by the end of the decade, he had more attention to his name change (a symbol that couldn't be pronounced,  and therefore become known as "The Artist Formerly Known as Prince") as well as his dispute with Warner Brothers Records.

In the 21st century, he known mostly for blocking his content from appearing on YouTube,  his reclusiveness. as well as his ever changing views on controversial topics.


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Now, I want to share a few thoughts on the Artist Forever Known as Prince




1) my memories of Prince

Being that I was born in 1980, I was too young to pay attention to his 80's hits when they came out.

I first became aware of Prince in 1991. I was in 5th grade that time and I was new to watching MTV (which was actually Music Television at the time, and actually played music at the time).

Prince's hit song was "Get Off". By then, he ditched his purple gear and moved on to yellow.

But that video "Get Off". It was super-raunchy with both genders being half-naked and doing sexual dances.  It was like watching a half-naked "orgy" before I even knew what an orgy was!

To top it all off, was the 1991 MTV Video Music Awards, with Prince performing "Get Off" and his showing his rear end to the end!  The MTV awards performance was way more explicit than Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl halftime!


Also, that song had a banging beat with great bass and more!

Everything else that came before & after that song just couldn't compete!



2) Gender

That video also brought another aspect of Prince!


Most men who would wear feminine outfits (especially with the color purple) (also revealing outfits) and sing with a high-pitched voice are commonly stereotyped as being "gay" as in homosexual!


But in nearly every video, Prince was not only dancing with women, but they women with the "supermodel" look! Women who are seen as "the sexiest women on earth".

As I mentioned on facebook about Prince and David Bowie (who also died earlier this year)

David Bowie & Prince: musical legends who re-assured males who don't conform to traditional masculinity they too can get the hottest looking women in the world wink emoticon

I find this very important because many males who don't conform to the jock or gangsta image commonly get accussed of being "gay" and "fags" even when they're not homosexual! This stigma doesn't only gets attached to feminine looking boys but also to any male seen as "weak" or "unathletic".


Many males would get nervous even wearing anything pink or holding anything related to "Hello Kitty" for the fear of being seen as "gay".

Males who do such things and say "I'm not gay" are accused of "hiding in the closet", and  "having a closet made of very transparent glass" and more!

As far as I'm concerned, a male can wear all the pink Hello Kitty gear, work in mostly female environments, have a flower on his ear, be interested in gardening & interior design and still have super-horny excitement about doing sexual things with multiple women!

I wear masculine clothing (I want big pockets and therefore prefer baggy pants over skinny jeans), got that mustache like Ice-T and Metallica's James Hetfeld. I  spend at least once a week lifting weights, and a major fan of UH football! Grew up with heavy metal & gangsta rap! Also wanted to be a Ninja Turtle! Lots of masculine stuff in me!


But my career has been mostly in occupations dominated by women (schools, libraries, retail)

I listen to a lot of bubbly teen pop!

 ...........and   I love stuffed animals :)    

Yes I visit Sanrio for the Hello Kitty stuff  (though my favorite character is the masculine Badtz-Maru)! But I have no shame is saying Hello Kitty is cute too! And yes, I like some of the stickers sold at Morning Glory! 




Despite being into all that "girly" stuff,  my sexuality is straight as the straightest line out there!  Going to the clubs and dancing with the ladies is one of my favorite activities ;) 



I don't "kiss & tell" but there's some other fun stories with the ladies as well :) 



While Jerry Seinfeld's TV character was right in saying there's nothing wrong with being gay,  Prince & David Bowie showed us that having a feminine side doesn't stop you from having the horniest fantasies (and realities) with the hottest women out there!



3) mixed racial ancestries


Prince identified with being African-American, though it was obvious that he had some European ancestry too!  His parents were both of mixed-race.

When African-Americans were being enslaved, some of the European masters raped some of the female slaves!


After slavery, race-mixing was banned in many states, but didn't stop some European-Americans having sexual relations (including consensual, non-consensuals, marriages or affairs) with African-Americans.

However, the legacy of slavery included the "one-drop rule" in which those with even slightest amount of DNA from the African race were just considered "black" and "non-white" and therefore not qualified for any privileges given to those purely of the European race!

However, even centuries later, even with a US president with an African father and European-American mother, there's still people invested in a "one-drop rule".

Even though Barack Obama grew up in a European-American household and attended a school in Hawaii with a reputation for being a "haole school", that didn't matter to white supremacists who were so upset of him becoming president that early in his 2008 campaign, the Secret Service had to step in and provide him protection way earlier than they normally would for those running for president.

But it's not just white supremacists who are so invested in the "one-drop rule".  When Beyonce appeared in a cosmetics ad highlighting her African, French & Native American ancestries,  and when the fact got repeated in the "Inter-racial Dating" facebook page, there were people who so adamant that "Beyonce is just black" as if they were insulted that someone even thought that Beyonce also had non-African ancestries as well!

Here's one screenshot that I took last year

And the same happened for Prince.


Daily Beast writer Stereo Williams was hopping mad that journalist mentioning his multi-racial background! His attitude was "How dare the journalist act as if he wasn't purely of African-American ancestry"
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/04/24/prince-loved-his-blackness-and-yours.html

My facebook response to that

Yes, Prince loved his blackness, but dammit, he was also multi-racial and too bad if you don't like it! This idiotic "one drop rule" from the slavery days make it sound like you should only identify as either "black" or "white", when you can be both.......... and more!

It is writers like Stereo Williams who disrespect millions of multi-racial people out there with his nonsense that people should only be identified by one part of themselves!

I also mentioned in other comments to discussion boards that many times, a multi-racial person might identify with one side more than the other!

Prince grew up in a family that culturally identifies more with African-American culture than European-American culture!  That doesn't mean his multi-racial background doesn't exist, it just means he relates to African-American culture more!

AS for me, I might have a German last name, but not a single relative of mine that I met was of pure-German ancestry. My grandfather with a mix of German-Portuguese ancestry died months before I was born! My mother also had Puerto Rican mother. My father is from Mexico and while he had mixed ancestries, his looks lean more to the native side of Mexico! So yes, I look Latino and identify with more the Latino side! But please don't say about me,  "he's just Latino, that's it!" because that's NOT TRUE!

Respect people's multiple ethnicities and racial ancestries!

Racial Irritations and Tiny Aggressions

One can easily unintentionally offend others!

Even the ones most ready to remind others to stop being offensive can easily unintentionally offend others!

For example, there is a movement on college campuses and on social media to  raise awareness about "microaggressions", which has been usually referred to  as irritating someone with stereotypical questions or assumptions.


But, the term "microaggression" can easily be taken the wrong way.

There is a reason why people in Hawaii (and  other Pacific Islands) would hesitate to use the term "microagressions"


That's because out in the Pacific,  the word "micro" is a racially loaded word used to refer to Micronesians, a group of Pacific Islanders who have ancestral ties to islands in the western Pacific Islands (ie. Guam, Northern Marianas, Palau, Marshall Islands, Chuuk, Pohnpei (Ponape), Kosrae, Yap, Nauru, Kiribati, and more).

Many of those Micronesian islands were (and some still are) US territories with low economic opportunity. Many from those islands come to Hawaii for economic opportunity and face culture shock and racist discrimination.

(Learn more at http://www.civilbeat.com/2015/10/an-untold-story-of-american-immigration/)

One of the commonly used racial slurs is "micro", which like other racial slurs, can be used by the people of that group (ie. "I'm a micro", "I'm a n-----a", "I'm a haole") but is also commonly used as racist attacks (ie. "f'----n micro", " you f------ haole", "those n-----rs")!


The thing with racial words is that ears perk up when they are heard!

I mean we all know all conversation come to a screeching halt if some non-black person in (for example) Atlanta uses the N-word!

The same would happen if someone in Hawaii uses any word with the word "micro".

Even innocent words like "microwaves" have been use to insult Micronesians!

Which is why there is NO movement to "raise awareness about microaggressions" at the University of Hawaii campuses. Because that word "microaggressions" would obviously sound stigmatizing towards the Micronesian population.


Being that I'm in Hawaii, and much of my facebook has Hawaii ties, even I hesitate to post any article with the title "microaggression" or to even type the word "microaggression" in the posts because people WILL take that word in the wrong way!


================


So I strongly suggest to racial activists everywhere to STOP using the term "microaggression"


Just use terms like "stupid questions", "racial irritations" or "racial assumptions" in case you want to refer to situations where someone irritate you with questions and assumptions based on racial/gender/etc stereotypes! 



============


Also, while some questions are insulting (ie. "where are you REALLY from"), I don't think every question should take be taken personally.  I'm NOT offended if someone asks me a question about a Mexican cultural aspect that I don't have much personal experience with! Sometimes, a question is just a question! 

no guarantees against bullies

I was riding on the bus going home today, where I  heard a woman telling a young girl (early elementary age) "you have to hit those girls picking on you, and they'll leave you alone!"

It's one thing to train children to stand up for themselves, but telling them "if you hit back, the bullies will leave you alone" is GIVING THEM UNREALISTIC HOPES!

The chances are, bullies pick on people they can outnumber! That's the whole point!

You hit someone who has more allies than you, you are not only going to get a beat down, the bullies are going to continue remind you that they gave you a beat down! 

Children know that, that's why they don't hit back against bullies who outnumber them! 

Also, YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL WITH THIS "you need to hit those who bully you" advice because once you train someone to lose control of their anger....................... that is hard to turn off that advice later in life! 

And then what? You hit a person who pissed you off, then you'll  get arrested , convicted, then you'll really be living with the professional bullies ........ in prison! 

------------------



Teach the kids to stand up for themselves using words! Teach the kids physical self-defense! 

But DO NOT give them unrealistic Hollywood fiction BS cliche's like "you hit your bullies, they'll leave you alone"

Life is  NOT A HOLLYWOOD MOVIE!  



--------------

PS: here's some blog posts on this topic

http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2014/01/locker-room-manhood-and-bullying.html

http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2010/03/dealing-with-bullies.html

Public Statement on due process

Here in Hawaii, you can testify about bills in the legislature online. You don't even have to attend the meeting to be heard!

I did just that when Hawaii Free Press (a conservative news website) had an article listing gun-related bills being discussed in the Hawaii state legislature.

I rarely have time to attend legislative meetings, so I send some online testimony via http://www.capitol.hawaii.gov/

Well, some reporter from the Associated Press (yes, a national press agency) found my quote, 

and not only was it posted in the article (which has been posted in newspapers in various cities), the facebook post advertising that article in the Star-Advertiser  had my quote on it!

And my quote being quoted?

"Gun Owners object to bill allowing seizure of weapons from mentally ill."

http://www.staradvertiser.com/breaking-news/gun-owners-object-to-bill-allowing-seizure-of-weapons-from-mentally-ill/

“Doing something about gun violence doesn’t make it OK to take someone’s gun possession rights away without due process,” Pablo Wegesend said in opposition to the bill.

Now, when a statement becomes public, I tend to clarify myself just in case someone wants to twist my words.

So in response, I posted this in the comments related to that article!

OK, my quote was an online testimony, didn't expect to see it displayed prominently, but I stand by what I said about due process! Anyone who loses a right has the right to question the authorities, who sometimes make mistakes (sometimes on purpose).

Authorities should prove beyond a reasonable doubt before taking anyone's rights away!

If someone is proven to be too dangerous to have a gun, he/she is too dangerous to be out of jail. But that has to be proven through a legal process in which the accused gets to question the accuser!

I'm not saying we should automatically believe an accused person begging for his/her rights, but we shouldn't automatically believe a law enforcement authority either!


You want to talk about the "dangers of the mentally ill?"  What exactly does that mean anyways?  

Being "mentally ill" doesn't mean you are dangerous! 


Here are some great comments to that Star Advertiser article in which I was quoted!



comment from "choyd" 

The question is what defines mentally ill? Furthermore, someone who is mentally ill is not necessarily a threat to others or themselves.

I understand the intent behind this bill, and unlike Winston, I don’t think we should be arming the mentally deranged, but mentally ill does not equate to mentally deranged. Having a friend who talks to imaginary friends but otherwise isn’t a threat to anyone having his right to firearms taking away would be trampling of civil rights. But, someone who is clearly a danger to others and themselves should have their firearm rights at least temporarily suspended.

and another comment

HawaiiCheeseBall says: March 30, 2016 at 3:12 pm
An emergency hospitalization does no necessarily mean a persons is a threat to him/herself or other. There are many reasons for emergency hospitalizations. However, the proposed law does not seem unreasonable. You do not want someone going through a psychotic episode having access to a gun, that’s a recipe for disaster. The main thing is that the law and accompanying administrative rules spell out the conditions that must be present before a firearm can be confiscated, and a reasonable process for the return of the firearm to the owner. 

Again, I have to make myself clear, I am NOT saying everyone should go out and get a gun!

I am NOT saying we should give "slaps on wrists" for someone who committed a dangerous act! 

I am NOT saying that we shouldn't take gun violence seriously!

I am NOT saying we shouldn't any threats seriously!


I am just asking that any confiscation (whether it's guns, cars, whatevers) by a legal authority should be done with due process!

I am just asking that anyone who is facing confiscation should have the right to question his/her accusers!

I hope my quote (being more public and more viral than I expected) will at least get the lawmakers to implement due process procedures before taking away any individual's rights and property!