Paranoia over Adultery (part 2)

Earlier this year, I had written a blog post titled "Paranoia over Adultery"

http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2012/07/the-paranoia-over-adultery.html


It was about PARANOID  spouses who don't want their spouse to have conversations with anyone else of the opposite gender.  Ultra-conservatives think that paranoia helps a relationship. I think that paranoia POISONS a relationship.


Even after I advertised that blog post to my facebook list, a conservative member of that list (who will go un-named, since names aren't an important part of this discussion anyways), wrote the following

In other words...just don't blindly go into a situation, thinking that "I have this under control, my intention is not to cheat on my wife/girlfriend etc." Really think about it! Really fight to guard your marriage even though you have "great intentions" - you and I both know, intentions aren't enough. So many people cheat nowadays and they never "intended to" why? It's not the "big" things but "little" things, that harmless little conversation that didn't look like meant anything, but inside caused you to be more intimate with someone...not all conversation/situation is like that, but you just gotta use wisdom and watch yourself! :)

I responded with

and even if they did hold hands for a few seconds........... that doesn't even mean that would be some earth-shattering long-term affair. It's a manini thing that shouldn't turn into a major deal ........unless you make it out to be!

she responded  with

Well, that's where we differ! To me, an innocent "holding of hands" - isn't really innocent! You might as well have an innocent kiss to go with that, or even an innocent coddling...then you innocently get into bed and that's where the whole issue begins! Well, that's where we differ! To me, an innocent "holding of hands" - isn't really innocent! You might as well have an innocent kiss to go with that, or even an innocent coddling...then you innocently get into bed and that's where the whole issue begins!

--------------

Those situations of "minor interactions leading to an affair"  has more to do with   rap video fantasies and ultra-conservative fear-mongering than real life!

Let's look at something even more "physical" than hand-holding.  Let's look at "freak dancing" at the clubs. 

Anyone with experience at the nightclubs can tell you that the  ...............

  OVER-WHELMING MAJORITY of those "freak dances" are just "one-song stands" ...................

 meaning .....................................................

boy meets girl ...........................
they dance REALLY, REALLY CLOSE ...............................
by the time the song is over (or even before that)  ............
THAT'S IT! ......................
Boy and girl move on, most likely never to see each other again.

After all, most people with nightclub experience will tell you that most people enter AND leave the club with the same group of friends, even if they did dance with strangers while inside.

After all, a dance is usually just a dance, that's it.

This stuff about "freak dancing would automatically lead to sexual intercourse"  is just the fantasy promoted by rap videos and frat boy movies!


But  those entertainment FANTASIES fuel ultra-conservative fear-mongering about extremely minor situations!


This fear-mongering leads to excessively possessive  and controlling behavior by spouses (or soon to be spouses).


Those controlling  spouses are DANGEROUS! They are poison to any relationship! They are poison to your life!


So yes, I encourage you all to continue to have conversations with those of the opposite gender! Continue to engage in minor flirting behavior with the opposite gender!  Continue to laugh while talking with someone of the opposite gender.  Even have a "one-song stand" (or two-songs) on the dance floor!

And if your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever still have a problem with that, well, they need to get some serious psychological help!

Life is too short! Enjoy life and say HELL NO to the insecure control freaks around you!

Quitting is UNDER-rated

All our lives we hear messages like "quitters never win" or "quitting is just the easy way out"


We have catchy songs like "2 Legit 2 Quit" by Hammer
 [personal note: that just happens to be the 1st audio-cassette I bought, back in 5th grade!]


And sometimes, we have moments of doubt, but we keep going, And we are glad that we kept going!


But sometimes, quitting is the best option.

In fact, in many cases, Quitting is UNDER-rated!

I got that phrase from Lenore Skenazy who has written blogs and books criticizing hyper-active parents who over-worry about stuff.

And here are some excerpts from a recent article "Quitters Do Win Sometimes" in which Lenore Skenazy promotes the virtues of quitting!
https://www.care.com/child-care-quitters-do-win-sometimes-p1017-q20633254.html

What is your personal philosophy on quitting?

 I think quitting is underrated. While "quitters never win," neither do kids forced to participate in activities they have very little interest in. Give them some space - and time - and they will probably find something they love and don't want to quit.

Read that paragraph again anti-quitters! Read it again and again! And again and again!

But there's more

Have you ever felt that your kids are doing too much? How do you determine how many and which activities your kids are enrolled in?

I have felt they are doing too much and, at other times, too little. Once I started researching child development for my book, also called Free-Range Kids, I came to realize the value of free time and free play. So I let them drop their music lessons (scandal!) and have some free time between school and homework.

Growing up, how did your parents handle quitting an activity/sport/class?

They let me quit both Sunday school AND piano. And as an adult I went on to write a musical (well, the lyrics). And I went to live in Israel for a year. So either I got something out of those lessons before I quit, or I got something out of them BECAUSE I got to quit before I ended up hating everything they stood for. I actually don't know!

Yep, you do get something positive out of quitting. You learn to not put up with crap! You learn to leave negative situations.


It reminds me of something I read a decade ago, about a domestic violence survivor who spent YEARS in an abusive relationship.  The reason?  She said she grew up hearing the "you shouldn't quit" message!   She applied that message even to abusive relationships! Guess what? She ended up realizing that sometimes, quitting is the best thing you could do!

So yes,  quitting soccer practice  (or violin lessons, or whatevers) when you no longer have the passion for soccer, is GREAT PRACTICE for quitting negative relationships.



More from that interview

Have your children expressed a desire to quit an activity or sport before? What was your response?

Yes - see above. One quit guitar, one quit piano and they both quit the namby-pamby soccer and Little League teams we had enrolled them in as grade schoolers. Today, one still dislikes sports and one now lives for them!

At what point have you or do you feel it's ok to let your kids quit? Explain.

 If they really have no interest, I don't understand why it wouldn't be ok for them to quit a non-essential activity. I would've detested my childhood if I had to keep taking the skating lessons I was bad at. Instead, I spent a lot of time reading and writing. Kids find their own level. We have to believe in them and that they're going to be okay.

There are some who believe that not letting your child quit an activity is a learning experience in and of itself. Do you agree or disagree with this? Why?

 I hate to make blanket statements about how anybody raises his or her kids. All I can say is that the belief that we can CREATE a certain kind of kid by pushing them or not pushing them is a strange one. One of the chapters in my book is, "Relax! Not Every Little Thing You Do Has That Much Impact on Your Child's Development." It's a false feeling of control to think, "If I Do X, my child will turn out exactly the way I want." OR, "If I DON'T do X, my child is ruined forever."

What tips can you give parents of children who are expressing a desire to quit?

 Don't worry that this is the make-or-break decision that will determine who they are, what they like, and what they will become.

What lessons, if any, have your family learned from quitting (or not quitting)?

 Not every activity is for every kid, and that's ok. Also: sometimes an activity that seems uninteresting at one point becomes extremely interesting later on (and vice versa). And decisions aren't forever. My son who quit kiddie soccer now plays it with his middle school friends after school. Unless your child is going pro (VERY UNLIKELY!) there is always time to get back in and enjoy.

Thank you Lenore Skenazy.

These are true words of wisdom.

Meanwhile, last year, I wrote a series of blog posts criticizing Amy Chua, who has the opposite mentality.

She not only believes in "don't quit", she forces music lessons on her kids and proudly admits to verbally abusing her kids for making minor errors, as if playing music instruments is an "essential life skill". IT IS NOT!



Here are my blog posts.

http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/03/stuff-amy-chua-doesnt-want-you-to-know.html
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-amy-chua-is-dangerous-to-asian.html
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-us-latinos-need-their-own-version.html (this one I criticize the Latino versions of Amy Chua, and to deflect race card abusers who think criticism of Amy Chua is "anti-Asian racism"
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/more-stuff-amy-chua-doesnt-want-you-to.html
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/criticisms-of-amy-chua-continues-its.html


These are aggressive criticisms of Amy Chua, her mentality and her fans!

Unfortunately, most media pundits are politically correct COWARDS who are too scared of the "race card" to give Amy Chua a dose of real, aggressive and factual criticisms. 

  

It's time to spread the message against abusive, fanatical parents like Amy Chua!

It's time to spread the message against abusive, fanatical parents who verbally abuse their kids who make mistakes in sports games. 

It's time to spread the message against abusive, fanatical parents who have unrealistic expectations for their kids!





Kids need to learn to be independent thinkers.  You can't get one with an Amy Chua style of parenting.



Abusive spouses don't want independent thinkers. Pimps don't want independent thinkers. Absuive bosses don't want independent thinkers. Religious fanatics don't want independent thinkers. Dictators don't want independent thinkers!



It's time to stop providing those punks an easy supply of overly-compliant victims.




Be more like Lenore Skenazy and less like Amy Chua!

myself 2 decades ago

What do you tell a bunch of elementary school students that are about to transition to middle school?

Would you sugar-coat it and act as if everything will be OK?

Would you tell them nothing but horror stories as if nothing will be OK?

Or would you just say nothing and let them figure it out themselves?

The reason I am asking these questions is because 20 years ago, I was one of those students transitioning from elementary to middle school.

Time to tell it like it is.


1) Elementary School

The first half of 1992, I was completing my final year in elementary school as a 5th grader at Lanakila Elementary School.

It was my favorite year at that school!

Unlike earlier school years, I didn't have much problems with my classmates.

Even though there was still cliques amongst us, there was still a sense of brotherhood among us.

The guys who used to pick on me were now guys who I got along with.


And still remember when I was sitting in the back of my homeroom, next to Oscar and Jeff. Me and Oscar used to tease Jeff the previous year, but in 5th grade, we were all friends.  We had fun times talking to each other, one of the funnest times in my life!

I also remember winning the school's Geography Bee (though another student came a close 2nd).

I also remembered the cop from as the DARE program, and the field trip to Camp Pupukea.  Fun times.

While the teachers were usually impressed with my academic side, they were irritated by the ridiculous things I would occasionally say in class. 




2) My brother's warnings

I would occasionally tell my older brother some of the silly stuff I would say in school.

My brother warned me straight up, that this would also get me in trouble as I get older.

He told me that the way I acted was "more likely to get people laughing AT me, INSTEAD of laughing with me."

My brother also warned me that I better learn how to fight, because the other students will rather watch a fight instead of stop the fight.

I brushed it off with a "whatevers attitude"

Little did I know how right my brother was.




3) Entering middle school

The second half of 1992, I entered Kawananakoa Middle School!



[side note: middle schools were called "intermediate schools" back then. Around 1997, those schools officially became "middle schools"]



Once you enter middle school, you are in a whole new world.


Sure you might make a few friends (some I still talk to this very day).

But you WILL get some new enemies as well.

I know that from experience.

The stuff that my brother warned me about......... was WAY MORE TRUE than I could ever imagine.

For one thing, I started middle school with same crazy sense of humor, saying inappropriate things as I did back in elementary school. WRONG MOVE!

Little did I understand the same humor that worked in elementary school did NOT work in middle school.  All it did was earn a few enemies.


I might've gotten away with my earlier silliness if I was one of the tough guys.

I wasn't!


After a while, I just learned to shut up in class, especially if you don't have any friends in that class.

Ironically, that got people who just me asking "why are you so quiet?"

But as the quote goes -- "It's better to be quiet and be thought as a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."


----

Another reason why I think my brother was right, was that going from elementary to middle school, was that the new students you meet are not used to the way you are.

I mean, back in 5th grade at Lanakila, pretty much everyone was already "used to" the way I was.

But the new ones in middle school weren't.  

And going from one school to another, kids usually tried to test each other, either through physical or verbal intimidation.

Well, I rarely passed their tests!

It was only after I was done with 8th grade and ready to go on to high school, that I got so tired of being "tested" by others, that I finally started to take aikido classes and started weight training.

Well, though it hasn't made me into an MMA champ, those things did build some confidence that I became less intimidated by others. And got "tested" less.

Too bad I didn't take those lessons from my brother to heart much earlier.

----

It is this "testing" that cause some kids to either join a gang, become a "lone wolf" who goes all crazy, or become suicidal.

There was the gangsta element in my community.  But I wasn't into this drinking or weed smoking stuff. And I was too much of an academic to really fit in that crowd.

But I do look back and I'm still amazed that I didn't become that "lone wolf gone crazy".   I guess my optimistic side of me saved my life!


I do put a "brave face" out there, and  I don't really like to talk about my personal problems in social settings. While that makes me a much more enjoyable person to be around, it does give others a mistaken impression that "nothing bad happens to that guy"


Some people are different, they want to talk about their personal dramas in conversations.  Too much of that drives me crazy.

But yeah, I do understand where those folks are coming from.

You can only hold things in for so long.

Which was why I wrote the controversial blog post "Exposed to the Light" http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2012/03/exposed-to-light.html


There's more stories to tell from my battlefield in middle school (and other phases of life as well)

But this is all I feel like saying now. Stay tuned for future stories.


----------

PS: to answer the earlier questions, yes tell the  kids transitioning from elementary to middle school THE TRUTH!  Share my blog post with them, that might wake a few of them up before it's too late!

an apology from one exposed to the light

Earlier this year, I wrote the blog post titled "Exposed to the Light".

http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2012/03/exposed-to-light.html

Controversial stuff!


-------

One of those people I had criticized on "Exposed to the Light" saw my blog post. That would be Anolani Kaio (aka Anolani Hanohano). She wrote this to me

Hi Pablo,
I came across your blog and wanted to say that I am sorry for teasing you. I honestly don't remember, but I am sorry.
'Ano

.. and I replied by saying

Thanks for reading my blog, I'm glad it's making a positive impact.
For further reference, if you say "I honestly don't remember", nobody is going to believe you.

While it's good to see an apology, don't you think it's awkward to apologize for something you don't remember?


"I honestly don't remember" sounds like a lie! Probably is!



But then again, memories do get impaired by things like concussions, medications and other stuff. Not sure if Anolani experienced any of these!


Anyways she knew I exposed a negative side of her that she had to admit existed!  She was embarrassed by what I exposed, and she knew it was best to make amends!





--------------


(note: originally this posted blasted a former friend. I'm done with having public rivalries with him, so I deleted the paragraphs from this post)

Let the college athletes get paid

It's that time of  year again.

Many universities have started their new school year.

And it's time for a new generation of student-athletes to begin their college sports career.

The college football season is about to begin. Other college sports (ie. women's volleyball, soccer) have already started.

And it's time to take about the challenges faced by college athletes ---- about their compensation and their academic program.

-------------------

1) College Athletes Getting Pimped

Currently, most college athletes recieve a scholarship, while the rest are walk-ons who either rely on their parents or other financial aid for tuition.

Those who recieve an athletic scholarship  get free tuition, textbooks and a dorm room.  That's it!

Because the NCAA wants all their college athletes to retain "amateur status", college athletes CANNOT recieve anything else, besides gifts from family members.

 That means NOBODY ELSE is allowed to give ANY college athletes ANY money or any other gifts.

Otherwise, that athlete and the university WILL face sanctions.

You might think I'm exaggarating. NOT AT ALL!

From Salon's Josh Eidelson   http://www.salon.com/2012/03/11/madness_of_march_ncaa_gets_paid_players_dont/

His teammate, All-American linebacker Donnie Edwards, mentioned in a radio interview that he was having trouble supporting himself on his scholarship. In response, an anonymous donor sent a bag of groceries to Edwards’ door. That year the university was making money selling jerseys with Edwards’ number. But the NCAA suspended Edwards for accepting the groceries.

That's right, student-athletes can't even accept a bag full of groceries from a non-family member.

We're NOT talking about accepting free cars.

We're NOT talking about accepting a bag of marijuana.

We're NOT talking about accepting free access to strip clubs.


We're talking about a bag of groceries!

http://saucytart.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341e9fa553ef0120a52ad548970b-popup

This actually got a college player suspended



Any other college student can accept a donated bag of groceries without consequences.  Except student-athletes!


More examples of this madness from the same article.

Former UCLA power forward James Keefe, who played in the Final Four in 2007 and 2008, says that while it was “a great opportunity … at the same time, it’s just amazing how much money’s being made, and how little of that has trickled down to what I think the athletes need.” Keefe recalls “players that were having a lot of trouble making ends meet,” and athletes disciplined for infractions as small as accepting a free sandwich from a fan

http://2pat.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/sandwich/

Any college student can accept this for free,

except for student-athletes

.
And this from Joe Nocera's article
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/lets-start-paying-college-athletes.html

And what does the labor force that makes it possible for coaches to earn millions, and causes marketers to spend billions, get? Nothing. The workers are supposed to be content with a scholarship that does not even cover the full cost of attending college. Any student athlete who accepts an unapproved, free hamburger from a coach, or even a fan, is in violation of N.C.A.A. rules.

---------------
At major universities, college sports is BIG BUSINESS!  Millions of dollars are flowing in, but the student-athletes get nothing more than the scholarship.  Because the "amateur" status is soooooooooooo sacred!

While that might not mean much to student-athletes coming from upper-class families,  the student-athletes from lower-income families are screwed.


Of course, the player-haters, with all their jealousy, will throw hissy fits like "college athletes should be grateful, they already have a scholarship, I don't have one".

But those students with a music or a theatre scholarship face absolutely ZERO legal limitations from getting paid on the side, while continuing to perform for their college's band,orchestra or theatre productions.



You can play the violin for your college's orchestra, and you can still perform at wedding while getting paid for that.  However, if a college basketball player gets paid even chump-change at a community-park tournament, it becomes a scandal!


You can act at your college theatre's musical production, and still take a paid-acting gig for a television ad. No scandal!  But if a college quarterback gets paid to do a television ad .......... scandal!


You can be a  business major and start your own side-business while still taking college courses. You can be a science major and take a paid internship in your field. But god forbid a college athlete tries something like that ....... it becomes a "scandal".



This kind of nonsense goes on all to appease the jealous losers still upset that they're not popular like the athletes.  This kind of nonsense goes on all to appease the jealous losers still upset about people who are good at something they suck at!

---------

Meanwhile, college athletes with lower-income backgrounds can't even eat out with their team-mates, can't even accept free groceries, can't even buy new clothes.

And yet, their university getting millions of dollars from TV contracts.

They see people wearing the jerseys with their number on it, and that same student-athlete doesn't receive an extra-penny for it!

For example
 from Salon's Josh Eidelson
http://www.salon.com/2012/03/11/madness_of_march_ncaa_gets_paid_players_dont/

Mosely describes athletes anxiously waiting for federal financial aid checks to help close the gap between their stipends and their expenses. “You become really dependent on, ‘Is it going to come on this Tuesday or this Tuesday?’” says Mosely, because that federal assistance could determine “whether you can get insurance” or “whether you can pay rent.” While Mosely stressed over his expenses, his university sold apparel with his number. “It might not be my name on the back of the jersey, but if it’s a Number 14 Kentucky jersey, they obviously are wearing that jersey for me … ” says Mosely. “That is a little bit of exploitation. You can buy a jersey with my number on it … the school can potentially profit off of it, and the student athlete doesn’t.”

From NY Times - Joe Nocera
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/lets-start-paying-college-athletes.html

Players aren’t stupid. They look around and see jerseys with their names on them being sold in the bookstores. They see 100,000 people in the stands on a Saturday afternoon. During the season, they can end up putting in 50-hour weeks at their sports, and they learn early on not to take any course that might require real effort or interfere with the primary reason they are on campus: to play football or basketball. The N.C.A.A. can piously define them as students first, but the players know better. They know they are making money for the athletic department. The N.C.A.A.’s often-stated contention that it is protecting the players from “excessive commercialism” is ludicrous; the only thing it’s protecting is everyone else’s revenue stream

How would you feel if that was your situation? How would you feel if someone else is making money off your work and you're not allowed to profit off that? Wouldn't you feel like you're being pimped?

Of course you would!


And while they're getting pimped, (and watching their non-athlete classmates be allowed to get paid on the side),  who can blame them if they leave school early for the NFL or the NBA, even if they have no guarantees of getting drafted.



That was the case with Davone Bess, who used to play for the UH Warriors! He came from a single-parent home in East Oakland, one of the most dangerous ghettoes in the USA! He could have played for UH one more year. There was no guarantee that he would get drafted. But with his desperate situation, who could blame him for leaving a year early for the NFL?

http://blogs.starbulletin.com/thephotolounge/2007/08/

Davone Bess

one of the greatest receivers in UH football history

Compare that to another former UH Warrior Colt Brennan.  Brennan came from a rich family from Orange County.  He didn't have to worry about his expenses during his time at UH, so even though there was a possibility of getting drafted after his junior year, Brennan decided to stick around for one more year. 

However, Brennan was still pimped by the system. During his senior season, I would see TONS of people wearing his #15 jersey! But none of that money trickled down to him.

 http://www.diamondheadphotography.com/life.html

Guess who's not getting paid for wearing that jersey?

Because of the concussions  he receive his senior year, plus the hip injuries during his short time in the NFL,  Breenan didn't last long in the pros.



For many college athletes like Brennan, their college career was their entire 15 minutes of fame! But they weren't even allowed to be compensated for their fame, especially since so many people were wearing his #15 jersey!

2)How to Compensate the College Athletes

There are millions upon millions of dollars rolling around college sports. TV contracts, coaches salaries, stadiums, fitness facilities all paid for!

Major universities like Notre Dame, Texas, Florida, Oregon   ------ make huge profits off of fans watching their student-athletes.  They can EASILY AFFORD to pay their student-athletes extra money ABOVE their usual "tuition, books, room and board"

However, smaller colleges are losing money on their sports programs.  They won't have extra money to compensate their student-athletes further.

This brings up a concern of  "if they pay student athletes, it will give an unfair advantage to the mega-power schools when it comes to recruiting"



Some like Joe Nocera, advocating paying only the football and men's basketball players, since that's where most of the profits in college sports come from.

But that runs into Title IX violations, since we can't have gender double standards.

--------

And of course, there's all this stuff about "let's keep college sports amateur ................ paying the players will ruin what's great about college sports"

What to do, what to do?

------------------

For one thing, this concept of amateurism is OVER-RATED!

Look, the Olympics used to be "amateur-only" but the whole thing was a joke!

Some nations, like the former Soviet Union, basically defied this amateur nonsense, by secretly paying their athletes. 

But more importantly, training at the Olympic level is basically a full-time job!  It was unfair to demand full-time training, but not allow those players to make any monetary compensation for that time!  Those athletes got to pay the bills, you know!

So it's a great thing that the Olympics got rid of this "amateurs only" nonsense back in 1992, when the Dream Team dominated the basketball scene.

And the Olympics got better because now, we really get to see the best athletes of the world compete!

New York Daily News

You mean you won't watch them play

if they get paid?

--------------

Similar things are true about college sports.

Sports Illustrated

You mean you won't watch them play

if they get paid?

Training is a full-time job!  There's practices. There's weight-lifting sessions so they dont' get over-powered by their opponents. There's video-studying time to study their practice/game errors, as well as study their opponents.  And don't forget they have to remain academically eligible! That means taking college-level courses, and study hall!

All that, without extra money in their bank account!

----------

It's time to put this "amateur status only" crap in the rubbish can!

Colleges shall be allowed to compensate their student-athletes whatever they can afford.

No, it shouldn't be mandatory that the student-athletes to get paid big money, but we shouldn't stop colleges from doing so either.

But even more importantly, let the student-athletes receive free gifts from fans, boosters, and anyone else making legal money!

Let the student-athletes receive donated groceries. Let them receive a free burger from a fan! Let them receive a new car! Let them receive a new stereo system!

Let the student-athletes  directly receive corporate sponsorships!

Let the student-athletes get paid to do some advertisements!

Let the student-athletes get paid to do autograph sessions.

Let the student-athletes get paid for every jersey with their # getting sold!

There could be some limitations. For examples, religious colleges could  still ban their student-athletes from appearing ads that goes against their religion. So BYU could still ban their student-athletes from appearing in beer ads, for example!

3) Student-Athletes would still have to follow some rules

Just like people at any other job, student-athletes still will have to follow rules, even when they're getting compensation.

Most likely, before the NCAA will even allow for student-athletes to get additional monetary compensation, they will probably make other rules stricter.

For example, the NCAA would most likely be stricter on academic dishonesty (cheating on tests), drug abuse, and on violent behaviors.

Student-Athletes will probably have to face stricter penalties for violating felonies. That will mean those arrested for things like DUIs, domestic violence, rape and other things will most likely will be expelled instead of just getting a "slap on the wrist" (ie. suspended from games involving weak opponents).

And you know what? That's the type of rules that are needed!

Student-Athletes are role models. They represent their school and the surrounding community. They ought to be held to a higher standard when it comes to behavior.

4) Student-Athletes and Academics

As for academics, as I mentioned earlier, student-athletes still have to take and pass college-level courses.

However, it can be a struggle to do so during their season, when they have to attend practice, weight-lifting sessions, video-study, and off course their games.

Usually, student-athletes take easy course during their season, harder classes during the off-season.

However, for basketball players, their season run from Fall semester to Spring semester.  So they'll have to take at least one hard class each semester.

The NCAA has a timetable saying "by this senior year, you should be 80 % done with your major requirements."

Sounds great, but there's a problem with that as I mentioned in an earlier blog post
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2012/07/college-reform.html

Why pressure students to "graduate in 2 (or 4) years, if they need more time to fulfill their core requirements as well as balance their school/non-school life!

And the NCAA rules on student-athletes have to have 80% of their degree done by senior year, has also caused problems when student-athletes have to switch out of their original preferred major just to stay eligible to play! The NCAA is still buying this OUTDATED FICTION of a "4-year degree" when some majors are now 5-7 year majors. If I was the NCAA president, I'll be like " just pass your classes, you can still finish your degree when you can"

Another point to back me up
from NY Times - Joe Nocera
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/lets-start-paying-college-athletes.html

It is the unspoken scandal that permeates college sports, and it is corrosive not just for the athletes but also for the entire student body. “Within two or three weeks of coming to a university, players often find out they are woefully underprepared for college work,” Duderstadt says. “Very quickly they give up and major in eligibility. They take the cupcake courses. It is an insidious thing.”

There is another issue: Players who were stars in high school inevitably come to college with big dreams of going pro one day. Yet, as Emmert notes, “we had 5,500 Division I men’s basketball players last year, and only 50 went to the N.B.A.” By the time most players realize that they are not going to make it to the professional ranks, so much time has been lost that they can never catch up academically. In most cases, they also can’t afford to quit football and concentrate on their studies, because that would cost them their athletic scholarships. 

The primary purpose of a six-year scholarship is to give athletes whose playing days have ended a chance to get their degrees — and to really have time to focus on classes that can prepare them for a future without football or basketball. It would allow players to take fewer courses during their years of athletic eligibility, giving them a better chance to succeed at the courses they do take. And it would make it possible for those players who do graduate within four years to pursue a graduate degree. The N.C.A.A. would no longer need to obsess over an athlete’s academic performance; as long as he met the same standard the school applied to every other student, he could stay in school and play on the team. The extra two years would place the onus on the athlete to get an education, while also giving him the opportunity. Isn’t that how it should work anyway?

And another great point on student-athletes and academics
from Midweek's Steve Murray
http://www.midweek.com/sterns-rant-is-cranky-but-correct/

But unlike producers who need markets for their goods, the NCAA is not a supplier but a service provider like the NBA. If Emmert wants players to stay on campus, thereby discontinuing the current state of athletics that makes a mockery of academics, the NCAA needs to mandate that anyone who signs of letter of intent must commit to two full academic years on campus. Players who leave early and sign professional sports contracts would be required to refund the cost of tuition.


To make things fair, the NCAA would eliminate the one-year renewable scholarships in favor of guaranteed four-year contracts, and players would have (almost) the same right to movement as coaches. After two years on campus, the player would be free to transfer to another school without impunity.

One of the problems standing in the way of such a brilliant and simple plan is the fear that the top players will simply bypass college and go straight to the NBA Development League or Europe for a season.

Go for it. There are more than 3,600 male athletes playing Division 1 basketball. The effect of losing 10 during any year would be negligible.

In other words, if high school basketball players rather go to the minor league route instead of playing college basketball, LET THEM!

After all, if that player can't even do college work, don't force him/her to waste time -- just let them go to the minor leagues, just like how some baseball and hockey players do.

Let's save college sports for those ready for the college life.

And allow college players to receive benefits. This "amateur only" is outdated and over-rated!

Rape and Pregnancy

Earlier this month, Todd Akin, Republican politician running for Congress, said that if the woman really got raped, her body's chemistry will stop her from getting pregnant.

This wasn't the first time I heard such idiocy.

Back in 2000, while talking with a few politically minded friends, one of them was an anti-abortion activist named Jason Scott Jones.  I asked him something like "why should a woman be forced to keep the pregnancy if she was raped".  Then Jason Scott Jones said something like "the woman's trauma would release chemicals that would lead to an early miscarriage".

Obviously, real life doesn't always work that way.

from Renee Devesty, someone with REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE on that issue
http://www.salon.com/2012/08/22/i_got_pregnant_from_rape/

Eight weeks after I was raped, Planned Parenthood gave me the confirmation: I was pregnant. The woman who worked there tried to tell me about my options, but I ran. I threw up in the parking lot. I drove around for hours praying this was all a dream.

Any chance to remotely reclaim who I was disappeared in that moment. My whole worldview was challenged. I’m a Catholic, and I didn’t understand: How could this happen to me? I was innocent. I did nothing wrong. But I was overwhelmed by fear, guilt and shame. Just when I thought I might be able to push the ugliness of this savage act out of my mind, I realized I would never be able to escape. It would not let me go.

I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually broken, and the thought of what had resulted from this vile act took my self-hatred into another dimension. I wanted no memory of that night, would do anything possible to erase it in the hope that it would somehow ease the sick, disgusting feeling I got every time I looked in the mirror. I realized that in order to maintain what little sanity I had left, I had to terminate the pregnancy.

From a conservative Jewish writer Dennis Prager
http://townhall.com/columnists/dennisprager/2012/08/21/the_prolife_movement_must_disavow_akin_comment

I wonder if that is not the case with Rep. Akin's comment. If I were at a dinner party with Akin, and he said what he said in his Missouri television interview, as much as I consider the vast majority of abortions in America to be immoral acts, I would have respectfully asked the congressman whether he was aware of the marauding armies throughout history that raped women. Did he assume that very few of them -- like the German women raped by Soviet soldiers at the end of World War II -- got pregnant? Did he not know how many raped slaves gave birth? Was he not aware of the tragedy of the women of Darfur who, after being raped by Sudanese Arab soldiers, are abandoned by their families for getting pregnant out-of-wedlock?

I want to go over the issue of slaves getting raped by their slave masters.  When the European slave owners imported African slaves to the Americas,  the European slave owners would occassionally rape the female African slaves.  Guess what came out of that?  A baby that is darker than the European rapist, lighter than the African slave.

This is why so many "black people" in the US and Latin America are LIGHTER SKINNED than your average African. Many of them are descendants of African slaves raped by European slave-owners.

Remember, after slavery, there was Jim Crow laws that banned inter-racial marriage, so nobody with African blood was allowed to marry a pure-blooded European-American. That went on for almost a century. So most of the race-mixing in the South were Europeans raping Africans on plantation.

And for the Sudan situation, in which Arab descendants have been oppressing native Africans, this really gone to an extreme level in the Darfur section of Sudan.  Massive killings, house burning and rapes.  This was Arab-on-native African rapes going on. And many of the offsprings of such rapes have been stigmatized  for having Arabic features.

------------

So why would Todd Akin and Jason Scott Jones say that rape victims rarely get pregnant.

It's because they are anti-abortion fanatics who are trying to ease their way out of the very powerful arguments of the pro-choice activists who remind us that rape victims DID NOT CHOSE TO HAVE THEIR CHILD and why would we force them to have a child they didn't want to create?

Instead of confronting that issue head-on (or even just promote adoption), they'll act as if true rape victims don't get pregnant.

Then they ease into their earlier scheduled arguments with their stereotypes of "only sluts want abortions"


Debra Saunders explain more here
http://townhall.com/columnists/debrajsaunders/2012/08/21/todd_akin_when_dumb_talk_is_inevitable

There are two sides within the anti-abortion movement. On one side, stand men and women who care deeply about human life and fear that abortion devalues society by creating a caste of disposable people. On the other side, lurk crabbed adults who think women should be punished for having extramarital sex and that pregnancy is fit punishment that (luck of the draw) spares men and falls instead on women and girls

The group highlighted in blue, I do respect their objections to abortions, even though I am for legalized abortions.  At least you can sense that they have a heart! Those are the people who truly care about saving the unborn.

For the group highlighted in red, they have no heart. Notice that they truly don't care about the unborn! Those people are morality fascists who enjoy bullying others! They enjoy bullying women who for doing imperfect things. They're just like the bad kids who laugh at other kids who got busted!  (remember when you got busted by the teacher?  the ones laughing at you WERE NOT THE Well Behaved Kids, it was the other bad kids who don't care about morality AT ALL, they just cared about laughing at other's misfortune!)

Well, when those same bad kids grow up, they grow up to become those punks who said "you had sex, you deserved to be punished by being forced to have that child".  Notice that those punks RARELY EXPRESS TRUE ANGER at the rapists, the deadbeat dads, the spouse abusers. No, they pick on someone being abused by those people!

That's the mentality expressed by Todd Akin. He denies rape victims endure forced pregnancies, so that he can continue to bully women for having abortions.

This  mentality of Todd Akin is just like the neo-Nazis who said "the Holocaust isn't real".

While the worst scum of the earth includes genocidal killers, rapists, and other violent psychopaths, the second worst scum are the ones involved in the cover-up. That includes the Holocaust Deniers, and the punks (like Todd Akin) who claim "true rape victims don't get pregnant"

There's very few things more emotionally painful after a traumatizing experience than to be told "it didn't happen to you, you lying!"

That's why Todd Akin is undeserving of respect!

--------------------

As for the Democrats, don't spend too much time celebrating the misfortune of Todd Akin!

After all, you ever notice Bill Clinton is silent on the issue.

Because Bill Clinton has several rape accusations against him!

No, I'm NOT talking his consensual affairs with interns that everyone kept talking about back in the late 1990's.

I'm talking about Juanita Broadrick and a few others who claimed Bill Clinton raped them decades before he became president.

from Larry Elder's "Todd Akin Was Never Accused of Rape -- Unlike Bill Clinton"
http://townhall.com/columnists/larryelder/2012/08/23/todd_akin_was_never_accused_of_rape__unlike_bill_clinton

"Rape is rape," said Obama.

President Bill Clinton plans to speak at the Democratic convention in North Carolina. Clinton, some might vaguely recall, was accused of rape by a woman named Juanita Broaddrick. "Dateline NBC" aired her allegations against the then-Arkansas attorney general and gubernatorial candidate.

Here's what Broaddrick alleged: "I first pushed him away. I just told him 'no.' ... He tries to kiss me again. He starts biting on my lip. ... And then he forced me down on the bed. I just was very frightened. I tried to get away from him. I told him 'no.' ... He wouldn't listen to me." To this day, former ABC reporter Sam Donaldson is the only national reporter to ask Clinton about Broaddrick's allegation.

Then there's Kathleen Willey, who on "60 Minutes" made a credible allegation of sexual assault against Clinton. Willey, a Clinton campaign volunteer, says that Clinton, in the Oval Office, took her hand and place it on his aroused genitalia: "He touched my breasts with his hand ... and then he whispered ... 'I've wanted to do this ever since I laid eyes on you.' ... He took my hand, and he put it ... on his genitals." Willey said she managed to push him away.

Let's not forget Paula "drag a hundred-dollar bill through a trailer park, you never know what you'll find" Jones. Alleging that then-Gov. Clinton propositioned her and exposed himself in a Little Rock, Ark., hotel room, Jones sued him for sexual harassment. Jones alleged that a state trooper escorted her to a room at the Excelsior Hotel to meet Clinton. Clinton dropped his pants and, according to Jones, asked her to "kiss it." Clinton later paid Jones $850,000 to settle the sexual harassment lawsuit that Clinton long claimed lacked merit.

More allegations against Bill Clinton
http://albertpeia.com/oxfordassault.htm

warning: there are some graphic details among the allegations

Eileen Wellstone, 19-year-old English woman who said Clinton sexually assaulted her after she met him at a pub near the Oxford where the future President was a student in 1969. A retired State Department employee, who asked not to be identified, confirmed that he spoke with the family of the girl and filed a report with his superiors. Clinton admitted having sex with the girl, but claimed it was consensual. The victim's family declined to pursue the case;


In 1972, a 22-year-old woman told campus police at Yale University that she was sexually assaulted by Clinton, a law student at the college. No charges were filed, but retired campus policemen contacted by Capitol Hill Blue confirmed the incident. The woman, tracked down by Capitol Hill Blue last week, confirmed the incident, but declined to discuss it further and would not give permission to use her name;

In 1974, a female student at the University of Arkansas complained that then-law school instructor Bill Clinton tried to prevent her from leaving his office during a conference. She said he groped her and forced his hand inside her blouse. She complained to her faculty advisor who confronted Clinton, but Clinton claimed the student ''came on'' to him. The student left the school shortly after the incident. Reached at her home in Texas, the former student confirmed the incident, but declined to go on the record with her account. Several former students at the University have confirmed the incident in confidential interviews and said there were other reports of Clinton attempting to force himself on female students;

Broaddrick, a volunteer in Clinton's gubernatorial campaign, said he raped her in 1978. Mrs. Broaddrick suffered a bruised and torn lip, which she said she suffered when Clinton bit her during the rape;

From 1978-1980, during Clinton's first term as governor of Arkansas, state troopers assigned to protect the governor were aware of at least seven complaints from women who said Clinton forced, or attempted to force, himself on them sexually. One retired state trooper said in an interview that the common joke among those assigned to protect Clinton was "who's next?". One former state trooper said other troopers would often escort women to the governor's hotel room after political events, often more than one an evening;

Carolyn Moffet, a legal secretary in Little Rock in 1979, said she met then-governor Clinton at a political fundraiser and shortly thereafter received an invitation to meet the governor in his hotel room. "I was escorted there by a state trooper. When I went in, he was sitting on a couch, wearing only an undershirt. He pointed at his penis and told me to suck it. I told him I didn't even do that for my boyfriend and he got mad, grabbed my head and shoved it into his lap. I pulled away from him and ran out of the room."

Elizabeth Ward, the Miss Arkansas who won the Miss America crown in 1982, told friends she was forced by Clinton to have sex with him shortly after she won her state crown. Last year, Ward, who is now married with the last name of Gracen (from her first marriage), told an interviewer she did have sex with Clinton but said it was consensual. Close friends of Ward, however, say she still maintains privately that Clinton forced himself on her.

By the time such allegations came out, the US public were already tired of hearing about Bill Clinton's consensual affairs with Monica Lewinsky, Geniffer Flowers and other women.

I know I was tired of hearing about it back then. After all, the stuff with Lewinsky was consensual, none of my business.

But then, I did saw the Juanita Broadrick's allegations against Bill Clinton in one of the tabloids. Then I saw more of those allegations online.

Of course, the "statute of limitations" means that it's too late to press charges.

It is highly possible that Clinton got away with it, knowing that those women would be too scared of being publicly ridiculed by his supporters! And that by the time those women could no longer hold it in, it's too late for them to press charges.

Bill Clinton has stayed silent about those accussations.

While he does have the "right to remain silent", that silence sounds like a cover-up!

That's why Bill Clinton is saying nothing about Todd Akin's ridiculous words. Becuase if he did, then Fox News and other like-minded media outlets would feast on Bill Clinton, bringing up more allegations against Bill Clinton!

Remember, some of the currently popular right-wing pundits like Michelle Maglalang Malkin, Glenn Beck, and the like were unknown during Clinton's presidency!  Bill Clinton was lucky that was the case, since those 2 pundits are very viscious and would pounce on Clinton's rape allegations when the timing was right.

That's why Bill Clinton is silent  on the rape issue! 

It's time to Bill Clinton to just tell the truth about what happened, and at least admit he made some serious mistakes.

After all, even former gang leaders who publicly and sincerely regretted their actions have gotten respect from the mainstream society that they once terrified!

Vili the Warrior retired

Back in the 00's, UH had the coolest mascot in all of college sports.

Whereas other schools had mascots in foam costumes, we got Vili The Warrior!

Vili is the big Tongan guy with the ti leaves and the hardcore face-paint!



Matthew Stockman/Getty Images



Vili and his boy banged the drums and excited crowds in a way no mascot in a foam costume ever could!

Vili was always ready for battle!

Vili was never afraid to express himself, whether it showing his silly side or his agressive side!

Vili represented Polynesian power to the fullest!

And Vili gave the UH Warriors a tough hard-core image!  That plus, the Polynesian war chants (the haka or the ha'a, depending on which island group the chant came from), the black jerseys, the tiki-styled H-symbol and the hard-htting style of play!


photo from Associated Press/ Star Bulletin
UH football players doing the haka

photo from

http://bearmythology.me/2009/02/21/shirtless-saturday-keith-the-bear-ahsoon-keala-watson-other-beefy-uh-warriors-vili-the-warrior/

Vili leading the haka, with the football players wearing the black shirts!

There's no college team that could ever top that level of cool-ness EVER!

-------

Unfortunately, Vili the Warrior has retired from being the UH mascot, just when the new season was about to start :(

http://www.staradvertiser.com/sportspremium/20120820_Unofficial_UHmascot_Vili_officially_is_not_returning.html?id=166729566

Unfortunately, we won't have a mascot entertaining us before games, half-time or time-outs!

No one to bang the loud drums, nobody representing the coolest face-paint on earth!

Vili and his wife said they wanted to spend more time with their family. Family comes first, and I will respect that.

------

However, there are conspiracy theories that Vili the Warrior was "pushed out" by the UH athletic department and the new coach.

There is no evidence on that, but I understand why such conspiracy theories came out!

For one thing, the new UH football coach started imposing regulations on the player's grooming style.

Under the new rules, the UH football players will no longer be allowed to have long hair,  WHICH IS THE MOST STUPIDEST RULE ON EARTH!

http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2012-08-02/sports/sns-mct-free-time-is-over.-chow-time-begins-for-real-today-20120802_1_camp-chow-time-norm-chow







The long hair was a major part of the UH-Warrior mystique in the previous decade. It made the UH haka/ha'a more real when the Warriors had the wild hair while making their chants!


Northwest Hawaii Times, photo by Steve Kajihiro




Coach Chow claimed it was about "player safety" mentioning the long hair and football helmets interfere with each other.

But then, why did Chow also banned the players having beards or earings, both of which are covered under the helmets and therefore, had ZERO impediment to "player safety"?

http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2012-08-02/sports/sns-mct-free-time-is-over.-chow-time-begins-for-real-today-20120802_1_camp-chow-time-norm-chow

Chow has learned that only part of his duties are on the field. Since being hired in December, he assembled a staff, dealt with such matters as fertilizer purchases for the practice field, and imposed a list of no-nos: No long hair, no beards, no earrings, no tardiness.

In other words, Coach Chow wants to change the UH Warriors image.  Boooooo!

Some will say "who cares about image, we just want to win".


However, the reality is that marketing is a MAJOR part of college sports!

That's why teams have mascots representing wild animals or warriors (ie Trojans, Spartans, and of course, the UH Warriors.)

They need an agressive image that the fans want to be a part of.

They need an image that the upcoming recruits want to join in!

That's why UH went from Rainbows to Warriors!

That's why we had Vili the Warrior!

That's why the wild hair was so cool!  It gave the team a "rock n roll" edge mixed in with the traditional Polynesian warrior image.

The traditional Polynesian warriors didn't have crew cuts!

So there's no reason for Coach Chow to go against that tradition. Coach Chow is bringing the worst aspect of  the 1800's  missionary mentality with his rules against long, wild hair and beards!

---

Look, I do think Norm Chow does bring some improvement on the team's offense, especially with the use of Tight Ends and Fullbacks that was absent from the UH schemes the last decade.

But if I was the next UH athletic director, I'll tell Coach Chow straight up "You're here to coach the team to victory, not to be the hairstyle police!" 

and

"the Warriors were marketable with their wild hair, we're bringing it back!"