OMG, a male is coming!

It's hard to top the title of a Wall Street Journal editorial named "Eek! A Male" by Lenore Skenazy! That title is even more eye-catching than the title of this blog post!

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703779704576073752925629440.html

"Eek! A Male" was published in Janurary of this year. I did mention it on facebook, but haven't got around to mentioning about it on my blog until now. I was reminded to revisit this issue after borrowing Skenazy's book "Free Range Kids".

Anyways, back to "Eek! A Male!" While the title was very funny, it did highlight a serious anti-male sexism, and I'm glad that a female like Lenore Skenazy took a strong stand against this anti-male paranoia.

Some excerpts from "Eek! A Male!"

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703779704576073752925629440.html

And so it goes these days, when almost any man who has anything to do with a child can find himself suspected of being a creep. I call it "Worst-First" thinking: Gripped by pedophile panic, we jump to the very worst, even least likely, conclusion first. Then we congratulate ourselves for being so vigilant.



Consider the Iowa daycare center where Nichole Adkins works. The one male aide employed there, she told me in an interview, is not allowed to change diapers. "In fact," Ms. Adkins said, "he has been asked to leave the classroom when diapering was happening."


Now, a guy turned on by diaper changes has got to be even rarer than a guy turned on by Sponge Bob. But "Worst-First" thinking means suspecting the motives of any man who chooses to work around kids.

----
Those paragraphs really hit home with me! I worked as a substitute teacher with various age levels.  I've  worked preschools to high schools!

At some of the preschools I've subbed at, there has been gossip that some parents didn't want ME to change their kids diapers. Nevermind that the schools already done a background check! Me being a male was enough to arouse their suspicions.

Here's what I want to say them : You don't want me to change your kids diapers? GOOD! I  NEVER WANTED TO CHANGE YOUR KIDS DOO-DOO DIAPERS ANYWAYS! TOILET TRAIN YOUR KIDS ALREADY!

I like everything about working at preschools EXCEPT FOR CHANGING DIAPERS!  That would be true for 99.99% of all male & female staff members of preschools. We do enjoy seeing the kids play around, we enjoy nap time when the kids are resting, and we ALL think of changing diapers as a "neccessary evil that nobody wants to do, but it's gotta get done anyways" Remember, changing diapers = smelling stinky waste!  Even males HATE smelling stinky waste!

-------
more from " Eek! A Male!"

Maybe the daycare center felt it had to be extra cautious, to avoid lawsuits. But regular folk are suspicious, too. Last February, a woman followed a man around at a store berating him for clutching a pile of girls' panties. "I can't believe this! You're disgusting. This is a public place, you pervert!" she said—until the guy, who posted about the episode on a website, fished out his ID. He was a clerk restocking the underwear department. Skenazy later made this point - What's really ironic about all this emphasis on perverts is that it's making us think like them!

 
So, who's the real pervert? It's NOT the male preschool worker changing diapers! It's the paranoid anti-male parents who are the real perverts!
 
So, who's the real pervert? It's NOT the male store worker restocking shelves with panties! The real pervert is that lady screaming at the male store worker!
 
Skenazy concluded "Eek! A Male!" with this great point

We think we're protecting our kids by treating all men as potential predators. But that's not a society that's safe. Just sick.

--
A belated thank you to Lenore Skenazy!

If it Happened Somewhere, It can Happen Anywhere

Yesterday, some guy was shooting people at random on Honolulu's H-1 freeway.

http://www.staradvertiser.com/news/20110604_shooting_spree_leaves_1_dead.html

It lasted less than half an hour and stretched from Kaimuki to Aiea.

When it was over, a woman was dead, two other people were seriously injured and the lives of four Oahu families were shattered after a roadway shooting spree that police said appeared to be random attacks by a gunman.

Tammy Nguyen, a 54-year-old Palolo mother of 10, died of gunshot wounds she sustained when a man walked up to her van — idling at a red light in Kaimuki — and opened fire. A 16-year-old girl was in the van with Nguyen; she was not shot.
Amielou Asuncion, a 24-year-old Kalihi resident, was in serious but stable condition at the Queen's Medical Center after being shot by a passing driver as she was driving west on the H-1 freeway in Kapalama.

Samson Naupoto, a 38-year-old Salt Lake man, was in stable condition at the Queen's Medical Center from gunshot wounds, also along H-1 in Kapalama.

Being held in connection with the shooting of the three motorists was Wahiawa resident Toby Stangel, 28, the son of a North Shore minister.

Stangel is facing a second-degree murder charge, first-degree attempted murder (in the case of multiple victims) as well as several firearms violations, police said.
Police Maj. Richard Robinson, head of HPD's Criminal Investigation Division, said the shootings appear to be random acts.

----------

It seems like anytime a violent incident in Hawaii happens, you always hear people express shock that something like that happened in Hawaii.

Well, I'm not shocked at all!

My attitude is  - If It Happened Somewhere, It Can Happen Anywhere!

Just because we live in some tropical paradise, that doesn't mean all the negative side of human nature goes away! Stuff happens!

I don't want to spread paranoia! I just want people to put away this BS naive attitude of "this is Hawaii, it doesn't happen here"

-----
It reminds of this attitude before Columbine shooting in 1999. Before the Columbine shooting, people thought of gun violence at schools as something that only took place in schools in "ghetto minority schools" or "rural  Southern white schools".  But Columbine High School didn't match either profiles. It was located in an upper-class European-American community in Colorado. Now, all of a sudden, the average middle-class American wants to take school violence seriously.

That should've been enough to alert anyone that If It Happened Somewhere, It Can Happen Anywhere!


Yet, people in Hawaii act like "school shootings only happen in the mainland, we're not like that"
 
But last month at a middle school located in a middle class community of  Pearl City, HI some kid found a gun in a park and brought it to school to show off to his friends. Obviously, that kid had no training in gun saftey since he accidentally shot his friend.
 
http://www.staradvertiser.com/news/breaking/Gun_causes_minor_injuries_at_Highlands_Intermediate_School.html
 
And yet, many people in Hawaii are soooooo shocked something like that happened in Hawaii. I'm not! If It Happened Somewhere, It Can Happen Anywhere!  
 
 
 
---
 
I also notice many people here get paranoid about tourists being scared of by anything negative about Hawaii.

You might think I'm exaggarating. But I still remember people expressing concerns about "tourists being scared away" after the UH football team got into a fight after a game shown on ESPN!
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2003/12/hawaii-bowl-scrap-weve-heard-all.html


The fact that 2pac was killed in Las Vegas didn't scare many Hawaii people from visiting their favorite vacation spot, which happens to be Las Vegas.

The fact that Hurricane Katrina exposed the violent disfunctions of New Orleans (usually nicknamed "Murder Capital of America") didn't stop many Hawaii people from visiting that city when the UH football team played in the Sugar Bowl.

If people are curious, and they got the money, they'll come, regardless of whatever scary stories they might hear.

I wrote on the topic back in August 2005 at http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2005/08/images-of-hawaii-everytime-something.html

Plus, with all this "ghetto tourism" or "slum tours" occurring in places like Los Angeles, Rio De Janeiro, Mumbai and Nairobi, it's less likely that tourists would be scared to visit Hawaii.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/09/travel/09heads.html (on slum tours in foreign nations)

http://articles.latimes.com/2009/dec/05/local/la-me-southla-tours5-2009dec05 (tours of South-Central LA)

The Closing of Liliuokalani Elementary School

Yesterday was the last day of the 2010-2011 school for all Hawaii public schools.

It was also the last day ever for Queen Liliuokalani Elementary School, located in Kaimuki!

http://www.staradvertiser.com/news/20110527_tears_fill_final_day_at_liliuokalani_elementary.html

One year shy of what would have been its centennial anniversary, Queen Liliuokalani Elementary held its final day of classes ever, with teachers, parents and students gathering for a tearful send-off to mark the end of another school year while mourning the closing of their beloved school.



At an assembly in the Kaimuki school's cafeteria Thursday, the last-ever awards for citizenship and most improved students were given out, the last-ever QLS basketball team was told their purple jerseys would be retired, the last-ever fifth-grade class celebrated its graduation and Liliuokalani's last-ever principal, Raelene Chock, addressed students, telling them to "remember where you came from. Always remember QLS."

---

1) Why did it close?

In great economic times, no one would consider closing this school.

However, these are NOT great economic times. We just can't pay for everything we want! Tax revenues have declined, but more importantly, the private sector has declined! Something had to be cut!

Also, population trends come into play. Within the last 3 decades, the population of Oahu has shifted from east to west. So many young families are moving to West Oahu, that the schools are running out of room for all those children. Some new schools are being built, but the state can only build so much new schools at a time!

So the state is being pressured to build new schools in areas that have growing populations (West Oahu), yet it's still pressured to keep funding schools in areas that don't have as much young families as before (East Honolulu).  East Honolulu's average population is also getting older, and whatever young families are still around, many are rich enough to send their children to private schools.

Wailupe Valley Elementary School already closed down due to low enrollment. Other East Honolulu elementary schools, like Koko Head and Kamiloiki, also had declining enrollment, but they also had high test scores, and it wouldn't look good if schools with good test scores got closed down. Those 2 schools got saved!

 2 elementary schools in Kalihi (Kalihi Elementary and Puuhale Elementary) also had declining enrollments, but many parents in the area felt closing their schools while saving East Honolulu schools is a form of economic discrimination.  So those 2 Kalihi schools got saved!

Liliuokalani had small enrollment, average test scores that were outshined by nearby schools. And in the era of reduced budgets and populations moving west, it was Liliuokalani that was to be shut down.

2) My Time at Liliuokalani Elementary Schools

I was enrolled as a student at Lilioukalani Elementary School for my preschool and kindergarten years.  I never lived in the school's district. I was enrolled in their program, because I started talking late (at age 5, when many kids start at age 2) and there was room in their preschool program.

My memories over just consisted of the classrooms, the basketball courts and the bus I took to get there. I wouldn't remember any of the students names.

Starting from 1st grade, I attended Lanakila Elementary School, which was the school of my district. I was there until 5th grade. Obviously, I have much more memories there! And I'm still in contact with many of my peers from Lanakila!

----
I did return to Liliuokalani Elementary School as a substitute teacher. I was there 2 times, once in December 2006 and December 2008.  The school did feel a lot smaller than it did when I was a kid there. (of course, everything to a kid is big). It did feel like traveling through memory lane, even though it was so long ago.

The 1st time I subbed there, things went pretty smooth. The 2nd time, there was 1 kid who kept talking out of turn, I wanted earplugs, LOL!  Both were upper elementary classes.

3) Comments on the closing

There are some comments about this issue from the internet that I want to address.

Some said the school's closing was done for the purpose of "dishonoring Queen Liliuokalani" who was the queen overthrowned in 1893 by European-Americans.

It's got nothing to do with that! It's all about location.  If that school was located in West Oahu areas like Ewa, Kapolei or Mililani, all of which has seen an increase of young families,  it wouldn't be closed down at all! No matter what is was called!

Other comments on the schools closing goes something like "they're closing the schools so that kids be deprived of an education". No!  The kids will still get an education, they'll just go to nearby schools like Liholiho Elementary School or Waialae Elementary School!

4) Conclusion

Even though it was totally understandable that the school closed down, it is still a sad moment for everyone who had associations with Queen Liliuokalani Elementary School. The schools are a major part of the students life, it is their 2nd home, their "home away from home". Schools are not only a place of academic studies, they're also a place of friendship, fun activities and many memories!

Even though I was at that school for a very short time, and even though I had more memories at other schools I attended later in life, I will still miss the existence of Queen Liliuokalani Elementary School :(

Profiles in cowardice

Parents are supposed to teach their kids courage! That's the ideal.

But too many parents don't even bother to teach their kids to show courage. Too many parents don't even teach their kids how to stand up for themselves.

I'm guessing that many parents don't want to teach their kids to stand up to themselves, otherwise the kids might stand up to them!

But kids aren't going to be kids forever, and they need to learn how to stand up for themselves, especially under extreme duress!

But what's even worse, is when parents DISCOURAGE their kids from standing up for themselves.

This profile in cowardice is focused on a French politician named Anne Mansouret.

Mansouret admitted to discouraging her daughter (who was a victim of an attempted rape) from filing a police report! In other words, she taught her daughter to act like a coward! That's just wrong!


http://www.cnn.com/2011/CRIME/05/16/france.imf.2002.allegation/index.html
 
Anne Mansouret, a member of parliament for the Socialist Party, said she cautioned her daughter, Tristane Banon, not to file a police report at the time, saying it might adversely impact her career. At the time, Banon was an aspiring journalist.


(skipped paragraphs)

Mansouret said she arrived about an hour and a half later to find her daughter still locked in the car and looking "roughed up." The heel of one shoe was broken, Mansouret recalled to CNN.



But Mansouret told her daughter not to file a complaint out of concern she would become known as Strauss-Kahn's victim.

===

In other words, Mansouret encouraged her daughter to Act Like a Coward!

Oh, but now Mansouret is all apologetic now!

This is becuase the guy who attempted to rape her daughter (who happens to be the IMF chief who wants to be the next French president) has been caught attempting to rape another woman!

Mansouret, you got blood on your hands!
Because Mansouret discouraged her daughter from filing a police report on her attempted rapist ( Dominique Strauss-Kahn aka DSK ) was free to go around sexually assaulting more women.

In other words, DSK was free to force unwanted pregnancies and spread whatever STDs he might have on any unsuspecting woman he could launch a surprise attack on behind close doors!

And because DSK went unpunished, he thought he could get away with attempting to rape a hotel maid in New York!

But, here in the USA, we take rape more seriously than the French!  So DSK got busted and he's on the notorious Rikers Island prison!  DSK's fun gotta end sometime!

The maid who filed a police report against DSK should get a Profile in Courage award!

Mansouret, in her discouraging rape victims to take a risk and filing police reports against rapist deserve a Profile in Cowardice award!


=============
PS: While all of  us have a coward within us, I truly despise those who encourage cowardice in others!

It's understandable when crime victims are reluctant to file a police report. Especially when the attacker is a celebrity or a politician, and especially when this can come with unwanted publicity. But there's no excuse for the victim's mother to be encouraging cowardice. A true mother should saying  "I hope you file a police report against your attacker, I am with you in spirit, so don't be afraid!"


However, Ms Mansouret did the exact opposite, encouraged her daughter be a coward in the face of adversity, especially in something as important as making sure her daughter's rapist get brought to justice!

It's serious enough to involve CPS if you ask me!

Bush in the classroom

When the 9/11 attacks occurred, President George W. Bush was in a classroom reading a children's book. His critics went bezerk over the fact that he didn't leave the room right away after he was informed of the attacks. Now that the kids in that classroom are now a decade older, many of them feel the critics were the ones over-reacting!


(From : The Students with Bush on 9/11: The Interrupted Reading)http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20110504/us_time/08599206932700
 

Seven-year-olds can't understand what Islamic terrorism is all about. But they know when an adult's face is telling them something is wrong - and none of the students sitting in Sandra Kay Daniels' class at Emma E. Booker Elementary School that morning can forget the devastating change in Bush's expression when White House chief of staff Andrew Card whispered the terrible news of the al-Qaeda attack. Lazaro Dubrocq's heart started racing because he assumed they were all in trouble - with no less than the Commander in Chief - but he wasn't sure why. "In a heartbeat, he leaned back and he looked flabbergasted, shocked, horrified," recalls Dubrocq, now 17. "I was baffled. I mean, did we read something wrong? Was he mad or disappointed in us?"


Similar fears started running through Mariah Williams' head. "I don't remember the story we were reading - was it about pigs?" says Williams, 16. "But I'll always remember watching his face turn red. He got really serious all of a sudden. But I was clueless. I was just 7. I'm just glad he didn't get up and leave, because then I would have been more scared and confused." Chantal Guerrero, 16, agrees. Even today, she's grateful that Bush regained his composure and stayed with the students until The Pet Goat was finished. "I think the President was trying to keep us from finding out," says Guerrero, "so we all wouldn't freak out."

(skipped paragraphs)

One thing the students would like to tell Bush's critics - like liberal filmmaker Michael Moore, whose 2004 documentary Fahrenheit 911 disparaged Bush for lingering almost 10 minutes with the students after getting word that two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center - is that they think the President did the right thing. "I think he was trying to keep everybody calm, starting with us," says Guerrero. Dubrocq agrees: "I think he was trying to protect us." Booker Principal Gwendolyn Tose-Rigell, who died in 2007, later insisted, "I don't think anyone could have handled it better. What would it have served if [Bush] had jumped out of his chair and ran out of the room?"

---
 
My response:
 
That was the point of Bush not leaving right away, he didn't want the kids to panic! If Bush did leave, the same exact critics would've accussed him of causing the kids to panic!

Most of those critics probably have ZERO experience leading a classroom full of young children! 

You got to remember, teaching little children is MEGA-DIFFERENT than teaching college students!

You can't expect little kids to have the same level of emotional reaction to a crisis that an adult would!  

Not only that, these kids at school are in a large group of kids, a situation that  MAGNIFIES any negative emotional reaction a kid might have!  This is common sense to anyone who worked with a large group of kids!  

Those critics are professional haters!  That's all they are!

While I don't agree with all of Bush's action as president, I still think Bush handled that situation the best he could, and his critics over-reacted.
 

My debate with a facebook-hating uncle

I was talking to my uncle who refuses to be on facebook, and he was all negative about it saying nonsense about hacking, scam artists, fake friends, and his non-interest in meeting people from the old days! Then I told him that because of facebook, I interacted with some individuals more now then I did when I was in school with them.

Then my pre-historic uncle shut up, LOL!


 I mean I don't want to be rude, but seriously, I think people need to get over their fear of facebook by now! And remind those left behind, that it doesn't cost anything, you don't even need your computer, you can just go to any public library and use the internet computers FOR FREE :)

The criticisms of Amy Chua continues (it's too important to ignore)

The following were originally intended to be part of the previous blog post,
http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011/04/more-stuff-amy-chua-doesnt-want-you-to.html

 but since it was already very long, I just decided to put the following commentary on a separate blog post

1) But her daughter defended her


Chua's 18 year old daughter publicly defended her mom

http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/why_love_my_strict_chinese_mom_uUvfmLcA5eteY0u2KXt7hM

But remember, her daughter is 18. At age 18, even though you're legally an adult in most US states, you are most likely dependent on your parents to pay your college tuition, provide you residence and many other things. 


 Yeah, at age 18, you can leave home, but it takes a lot of guts to do so, especially since you most likely aren't going to leave home since you most likely can't land a job that allow to pay all your expenses on your own. So unless you already got offers for a multi-million dollar contract from the sports or entertainment business, an 18 year old version of yourself is still dependent on their parents.


And if you're dependent on your parents, are you likely to tell them how you really feel about them? Chances are high the answer is No!


But when your kids are adults who are well established in their career, they're less dependent on you! At that point, be mentally prepared to hear them tell you how they truly feel about you!


In my case, it was only recently I told my dad in a letter how I truly felt about some of his errors in raising me! (Read it about in part 3 of  "Why the US Latinos need their own version of Bill Cosby" at

http://pablowegesend.blogspot.com/2011_04_01_archive.html#2307811647255007440)

Yeah, I mention some concerns  in bits and pieces over the years. But in  this letter that I sent pulled no punches, it was uncensored and minced no words.

(I offered the idea of meeting with a psychiatrist on this issue, he has yet to take that offer. I did see him this past Easter -- I'm sure he read the letter, but I didn't push the issue when I met with him. We were civil to each other though)

 So yeah Amy Chua, your 18 year old daughter is still so dependent on you that she feels she has to publicly defend you! She's still scared of you!

But fear doesn't last forever! She might pull an Esmie Tseng, a Latrell Sprewell on you when she gets older and more ready to be defiant on you! She might write a true tell-all book on you to be showcased on various talk shows. Or she might pull an Eminem and make rap records using the same vicious insults on you that you did to her You ain't hear nothing from her yet! Not even close!


It's like a slogan I saw on myspace "I don't worry about revenge, because karma is a bigger b**** than I'll ever be". But I'll just say this ..... Karma is a bigger b***** than you are!



2) More greatest commentary hits on that nutcase Amy Chua


Some comments to the previously mentioned Grace Hwan Lynch editorial

http://letters.salon.com/mwt/feature/2011/01/14/asian_american_perspective_on_tiger_mom_open2011/view/?show=all

One other thing....


....What is the obsession with classical music instruments in many Asian-American communities? If you are going to train your child for success, how about something that has real relevance in today's society? It's like there is a sub-set of the population that still defines success by early 20th century standards - go to name brand schools, listen to opera, play the piano / violin, etc.... I fail to see how these things make you a smashing success. I know so many children of Asian-American immigrants who do all of these things successfully - and then they get to adulthood and have no idea what they really want to do and no particular training in anything useful.
—Helioscope

Before you start playing the race card on me for mentioning this comment, I do understand if many people feel that comment was too stereotypical on Asians. However, it did  have a GREAT point! Chua and and other parents of her culture have an excessive obssession of making their kids the next Yo-Yo Ma! That's like many North American parents who are so obssessed with making their kids the next Kobe Bryant or the next Tom Brady! While there's nothing wrong with having some music and sports to a kid's life, the reality is MOST OF THOSE KIDS will NOT MAKE IT TO STARDOM!  

If the kids grow up with parents who obssess about those things, and most of them will NOT make it to the big leagues, then they will NOT have any marketable skills for employment. They will spend their early adulthood lost and disillusioned! This is why kids need a balance. Yes, they might practice a music style or a sport, but they also need to spend time developing other skills as well!



And talking about parents and sports, read this one

Instead of Tiger Mom, Americans have Sports Dad


Our home-grown equivalent of the Tiger Mom is the Sports Dad, who's living out his failed dreams of sports stardom vicariously through his sons. He values athletic achievement over everything else in life, just like Tiger Mom values academic and musical achievement over everything else in life. He also can be just as destructive to his kids.


I knew several Sports Boys in middle and high school and run into them occasionally on my kids' sports teams. Sure, they have athletic success -- although most of them peaked in high school and never made an impact in college sports, let alone the pros. But these guys tend to be emotionally messed up and have bad relationships with their dads. Their sisters resent their dads for being hyper-focused on their golden brothers. Their un-athletic brothers have it worst, because Sports Dad tries to bully them into becoming star athletes, then gives up on them as failures when they're not.


Sports Dad and Tiger Mom embody the belief that if some is good, more is better, and extreme is best of all. The middle ground where you teach your kids to be disciplined and focused without bullying them or forcing them to become something they're not does not seem to enter into their thinking.
—Nancy Ott

---

AMEN to that comment! My  advise to parents whose kids who don't like sports, but you're still concerned about your kids fitness  --- Get them a bike :)  It's a fun way to get around, burns calories, and there's no pressure from coaches or teammates who are sore losers! Just don't pressure them into being Lance Armstrong!


-----

"Tough love"?


I am strongly against the uncompromising, insensitive parenting style that Amy Chua has proudly practised during her daughter's formative years, and which is euphemistically called "tough love". There is nothing loving about calling your child "garbage" and rejecting your child's handmade birthday card as "not good enough".


Amy Chua sounds like the neurotic, anxious, insecure, hyper-driven product of "tough love", and the real reason she has driven her little girls so relentlessly is because deep-down, Amy Chua does not feel good enough. So she has needed to mold her daughters into perfect little "doers", all in a neurotic bid to assuage her own feelings of inadequacy, her own shame. A wise and loving mother does not need to write books loudly justifying her mothering style. Unfortunately for Chua's daughters, unless their mother can be courageous enough to look beneath her self-righteous bravado and puffery, and connect with her repressed pain and grief about her own loveless and bleak childhood, she will keep on victimizing her daughters much the same way she was victimized by her own parents, subjecting her daughters to the same cruelty to which she was subjected. The most dangerous parent is the one who idealizes his/her own childhood and believes that he or she is better off for having been beaten, berated and humiliated as a child.


Too late, Amy Chua may realize that it was she who was far from being a "good enough" mother. By that time, her daughters will have grown up and will likely be struggling with a host of emotional problems. They will either blindly pass on their mother's cruelty to their own children, or they will spend a lifetime trying to heal from their emotionally abusive childhoods.
—Perplexed Reader

----
My favorite comment was the one highlighted like this  which was The most dangerous parent is the one who idealizes his/her own childhood and believes that he or she is better off for having been beaten, berated and humiliated as a child.


People seriously need to think things through! I'm tired of hearing negative, rude, abusive jerks saying stuff like "I was raised this way, and I came out OK!" because it's OBVIOUS to everyone around them, that  THEY DIDN'T COME OUT OK!  They are rude, pathetic people who lack self-awareness! They learned to be rude because their family was rude! So they think that's the best way to be, so they continue their BS tradition of verbally and physically abusing their kids!

----

Friday, January 14, 2011 11:55 AM ET



jared2


Making your kid study violin and piano is not the same as appreciating music. If they appreciated music then we'd see more Chinese guitar players and drummers and horn players too.


But those instruments come with low social status. You have to really love music for itself in order to study those.


And I've been attending writing workshops in LA for the last decade. I can't recall seeing even one single Asian student in any of them.


The Asian population of LA is very high, and still not one Asian aspiring novelist in the biggest creative writing program in the region?


Same with the drama program. People complain about the lack of Asian actors, but everyone knows it's Mom, not racism, that is keeping them out of the competition.

—Silenced

Again, someone will pull out the race card! But look at the context --- Asian parents do more harm to their kids than "white racist society".  Asian-American parents like Amy Chua who want to bully their kids into only being doctors, lawyers, engineers and classical musicians do serious harm to kids who have other legit interests! This nonsense is what keeps many Asians from trying out for Hollywood!

Silenced pointed out  that LA got plenty Asians! In fact, Asian-Americans outnumber African-Americans in LA's general population! Yet Asians are outnumbered by African-Americans in the entertainment industry based in LA! It's not the fault of "white/Jewish super-powers" nor is the fault of "black entertainment moguls". It's the fault of Asian-American parents who are too controlling of their kids, not allowing their kids to take risks in pursuits of their interests!


Now another comment how Amy Chua is DANGEROUS to the image of Asian-Americans
-----------

Friday, January 14, 2011 11:33 AM ET


This Bitch Gives Chinese Mothers A Bad Name


Sorry, but Chua is about as representative of Chinese motherhood as Joan Crawford is of American motherhood.


She's just a narcissistic, type-A sociopath more concerned with shallow trophy achievements than with her children's real inner growth and development.


But this isn't a Chinese thing, or even an immigrant thing.


It's an obnoxious, status-obsessed bitch thing.
Spare us from bitches like this and their horrible spawn!


—Unimpeachable Bastard

AMEN TO THAT!
--------

From a kid who rebelled against a Chua-like parent

My mom tried this shit with me.


So I smashed the guitar, rather than be forced to practice (seemingly endlessly) at something I didn't like.


I intentionally got kicked out of private school, rather than be forced to go somewhere I didn't want to go.

I took the classes, and majors, I wanted to, rather than submit to some preordained path to "success".


And you know what? I'm happy and not uptight today. I make enough money to be comfortable, if by no means rich. And, best of all, I don't spend every waking moment caring about how other people are judging me. I couldn't care any less.


And if, in 100 years or so, China somehow overtakes the US, so fuckin' what? I'll have lived my life, happily, and will either be long gone or shortly on the way out (depending on future medical technology).

—Mike Hawke

Remember parents, your kids aren't going to be scared of you forever! You better be prepared for that! Bullying and micro-managing your kid's life can be dangerous in the long run when your kids stop being scared of you!

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Since Amy Chua's family tree zig-zagged from China into the Phillipines, I found this one from a Filipino American

Friday, January 14, 2011 06:47 PM ET


Thoughts from a Filipino-American


My heritage is somewhat different from what Amy Chua was brought up with, but there are similarities: the pressure to be perfect, the pressure to excel, the pressure to be like everyone else at an elevated level. I'm in therapy right now, and part of my issues stem from my Asian-American experiences.


I don't play the piano. I don't play the violin. I can't do math for shit. And guess what? I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is the sentiment that I SHOULD play the violin, that I SHOULD play the violin, that I SHOULD renounce any iota of individuality just so I can fit with the stereotype of what an Asian American (or just an Asian) should be. I don't like being compared and contrasted with kids from the People's Republic of China or the Philippines any more than I like being compared and contrasted with my brothers and sisters and other Asian Americans.


You know what happens when you push an Asian kid too far? William Hung and Seung-hui Cho. One is a pop culture JOKE and the other killed over 30 people before turning the gun on himself. I won't be surprised if Amy Chua's daughters end up on the Bad Girls Club or Snapped.


—AlexDSSF

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One last comment, from a teacher

Sunday, January 16, 2011 08:23 AM ET


Horrible parenting


I read Chua's piece in The Wall Street Journal and, even now, two days later, I'm horrified by what she's done to those two little girls.


First of all, she's not much of a law expert if she feels comfortable admitting some of the things she's done -- and admitting them in print. I'm not familiar with the law in CT, but refusing to let a child stop piano practice to eat or use the bathroom has got to be abuse in any state in this Union. By rights, she ought to fear a knock on her door by Child Protective Services at any moment. But, of course, she's a Yale professor, so that won't happen. This burns me up because, doubtless, if she mopped the halls of Yale, rather than taught in them, she would get that CPS visit.


Secondly, as an educator, Chua approach to child-rearing gives me cold chills down my spine. I don't teach children at present. But, I can't imagine how I would handle knowing that putting an A- or, heaven forbid, a B on a student's paper would get him or her screamed at for hours once home. On the one hand, there's academic integrity but, on the other, I also have to live with myself. Sometimes, getting screamed at is worse than getting hit. I can believe that -- at least subconsciously -- I'd be inclined to always give students like that high grades.


There's some merit in Chua's criticism that Americans are too focused on individuality. But, she, on the other side of the coin, is far too narrowly focused. Plowing ahead doggedly in order to learn something isn't the only way and she's not really doing right by her daughters by handing them only one arrow to put in their quiver of resources.


I offer a case in point. I'm an avid knitter and I have been for years. The first thing I tried to knit was a scarf. Even though I followed all the directions and the pattern was in the most basic knitting stitch possible, it came out a deformed mess. It looked like something that should be buried in holy ground and prayers said over it.


After I'd done six or eight inches of knitting, it was clear I couldn't rescue the thing and I put it aside.


Several months later, I re-started the scarf, from scratch, and it came out just fine. In fact, it was so nice, I made a gift of it to a friend.


Why the difference in the two experiences? I was using the same yarn, needles and pattern. Certainly, I was using the same hands and eyes.


The difference is that, after I took a break from the project and relaxed, the stitches came out evenly and didn't warp as they had before. Because I was a novice and was nervous, I was knitting too tightly and the resulting fabric bunched up.


Obviously, one doesn't always have the luxury of taking such a break in time during the academic school year and subjects like math and history are more important than a mere hobby. But, my point is that there's more than one way to learn something. Walking away from something and taking a breather isn't always laziness or giving up. Sometimes, it's the best strategy.


I don't know what the future will hold, but I've heard Chua say, in radio interviews, that she and her girls have a close relationship. Needless to say, I doubt this. Or, rather, I doubt that this will always be the case. They love her now because children are hardwired to love parents, even the most awful. They also love her because they're still young. I'd be interested to see what the family situation is like 15 years from now, when both girls will probably be well on their own.


It's also possible, I think, that Chua's book itself (or, specifically, the outrage from readers against it) may wind up opening the girls' eyes. When you live in a situation daily, it's hard to see it clearly. When someone from the outside shines a light on circumstances, though, you do see clearly.


Perhaps seeing their mother's behavior through the eyes of others will cause the girls to have a different perspective. If so, Chua will have hoist herself in her own petard.


Couldn't happen to a more deserving tiger.


—Nyneve

 
 
Amen to all that!  That concludes my latest criticisms of Amy Chua for now! Unless, I hear more stuff, or in case I'll email copies of these blog posts to Amy Chua later on, and see if she responds, LOL!